The Many Reasons
by ReduxQue
Summary: Jane is in an exclusive relationship when tragedy strikes. As she turns to her significant other in her time of need, she realizes that the only person who has ever stayed true to her is her best friend. When she suffers a devastating loss, Jane is drawn into Maura's comforting arms. Rizzles by the end.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Jane had already watched the game at the Dirty Robber, so she knew who was going to win, but still she felt the need to just sit and veg out for a while. The day had been rough enough and now she had to come home and listen to Natalie complain about whatever it was that she wanted to complain about. She couldn't understand it. Natalie was a successful doctor of dentistry, with her own office situated in the best part of Boston, but still she found reasons to complain about nearly everything.

Maybe she just wasn't happy with her life, or with Jane.

"Are you listening?" Natalie called out from the kitchen.

"Of course, I'm listening." Jane called over her shoulder.

"What do you think I should do about it?"

Jane wanted to tell her to take a very long vacation, because she obviously needed it. When she got tightly wound up like this, it affected every area of their lives. They'd been living together for nearly 8 months now, and with the exception to Natalie's crazed days of complaining, life was pretty good for them.

Jane placed her beer down on the coffee table and stretched.

"First, I think you should tell her how much she's getting on your nerves. And then fire her ass."

"Jane! I can't fire her!"

"Why not?"

"Because I have no reason to fire her. It'll come back on me."

"Termination for reasons of being an annoying asshole. That sounds good to me."

Natalie laughed and went back to preparing dinner. She was an excellent cook. Everything she made tasted like a gourmet meal.

"When is company coming?"

Natalie glanced down at her watch. "Another hour and they'll be here. You want to get cleaned up?"

"What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing at all, other than you've been in it all day. I thought you'd like to freshen up, you know."

Jane flipped her hair over her shoulder and cracked her neck.

"What I really want to do, is go to bed. I'm beat."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I really appreciate you entertaining some of my colleagues tonight, Babe."

Jane leaned back on the couch and gazed at the ceiling. "Yeah. No problem."

"Are you alright?"

"Yep."

Natalie turned the eye down on the stove and joined her on the couch. She leaned over and placed her head on her shoulder and hugged her.

"I know you, and I know something is up. What is it?"

Jane glanced over at her and gazed into her eyes. She couldn't tell her that she missed her Friday nights at Maura's house because she was a bit on the jealous side. But she did miss her time with Maura. When Jane decided to move in with Natalie, Maura started distancing herself. Jane didn't know how much she really missed those times until they were taken away from her.

"I'm just tired, Nat." Jane said with a smile. "I just want you all to myself tonight. That's all."

Natalie leaned in for a tender kiss. "Aww, that is so sweet. Well, you'll have me all to yourself when they leave."

"And when will that be?"

"Probably around eleven or so."

Jane sighed and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Gotcha." She knew she'd get no sex tonight. Natalie had to work in the morning. So, she would be going straight to bed after company left.

"Is Dr. Isles coming tonight?"

"I don't know." Jane replied.

"Didn't you send her the invite?"

"I did, but she never responded."

"Oh, well that's odd. Maybe she was busy. Did you see her at work?"

Jane was getting slightly annoyed. Natalie knew damn well that she really didn't want Maura to come to dinner, and her inviting her was just because she was Jane's best friend. There was already too much animosity between the two of them for them to even enjoy a nice cordial meal together.

"Yes, I saw her at work, but she didn't mention the invite and neither did I. She's about to head to San Diego in the morning anyway."

"Oh really. For what?"

"Some Death Conference."

"Oh wow, that sounds exciting." She hopped back up and skipped into the kitchen.

Jane wondered what she was so excited about. Communication was a problem. Not a really bad problem but it was annoying enough to get to Jane. Like this dinner for one. She'd planned it and didn't even tell Jane anything about it until yesterday.

Jane reached for her phone and checked for messages. There was one from Maura.

_Maura: Could you call me?_

It was timestamped twenty minutes ago. She got up slowly from the couch and brought her bottle to the recycling bin. She leaned over and kissed Natalie lightly on the cheek.

"I need to make a phone call, and then I'm going to go freshen up for dinner."

"Okay, Babe."

Jane dragged herself into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. She dialed Maura and waited for her to pick up. The call connected after 3 rings.

"Hi Jane." She answered.

"Hey Maur. How are you?"

"I'm doing okay. Just relaxing and watching TV."

"What are you watching?"

"I'm streaming Downton at the moment. But I'm about to turn it off. I need to be up early for my flight."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Your Death Conference." Jane said with a laugh.

Maura laughed lightly on the other end, but didn't respond to her joke. She just held the phone silently.

"Are you alright, Maur?"

"Yes, I am. Why do you ask?"

"I got a text from you telling me to call you."

"Oh, that's right. My apologies." Jane heard her fumbling with some papers on the other end. "Could you check on Bass while I'm gone?"

"Oh. Sure. That's fine."

"Thanks."

Jane cleared her throat softly. She wondered why Maura hasn't even mentioned the dinner invite.

"Hey Maur, didn't you get the dinner invite for tonight that Nat and I sent you?"

"I—Um, yes I received it."

"You just didn't feel like coming?"

Maura sighed heavily and hesitated for a couple of minutes before speaking. "Honestly, Jane, I don't believe that Dr. Fisher enjoys my company as well as you do."

Jane shook her head slowly and cursed under her breath. For Maura to pick up on it too, meant that Natalie really didn't like Maura at all.

"I'm sorry, Maur. I know her personality is strong, but don't let that bother you."

"I'd prefer not to be put into a position where I need to explain why I am your friend."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. I've said enough already."

"So that's why you're not coming to dinner? Because Nat makes you uncomfortable?"

"I didn't accept your dinner invite because I don't want to have to pretend that your girlfriend doesn't get on my nerves, because she really does!"

"Wow." Hearing those words come out of Maura's mouth was sobering. She'd suspected for a long time now that that was the reason for her distance. A clash in personalities between the new love interest and the best friend.

"Plus, I have a flight to catch early in the morning." She offered more softly.

When Jane had introduced Natalie to Maura, they seemed to have hit it off pretty good at first. But something changed over the first two or three months. And then when Jane asked her to date exclusively, almost everything changed.

Maura stopped inviting her out, stopped texting her a hundred times a day, stopped just being herself.

"Okay." Jane said quietly. "I'll check on Bass in the afternoon."

"Thank you."

"How long will you be gone?"

"My flight comes back next Friday."

"Will you text me to let me know you made it safely?"

"Yes. I will text you when I land, but my teaching agenda is packed, and I—"

"I understand." She interrupted.

"I hope you have a wonderful evening, Jane."

Jane closed her eyes and forced the uneasy feelings back down beneath the surface. She'd expected that she could have a girlfriend and her best friend too. Somewhere in her mind, she thought that since they were both doctors, that they would have enough in common to get along. Was she ever wrong!

Natalie was jealous of Maura and her's relationship. So, Maura made the decision to not come around as much. To avoid the drama.

"Do you really mean that?" Jane asked.

"Yes, Jane, I do."

"It would be so much better if you were here. Then I'd have someone to talk to about whatever. Nat and her friends are just going to be talking teeth all night long."

Maura laughed lightly on the other end.

If nothing else, Jane was good at humoring her.

"Come on, Maur. Please come."

Maura sighed. "I'm sorry, I cannot come tonight, but the next time, I will."

Jane heard a noise behind her and she turned to see Natalie standing in the doorway. Jane smiled at her and gestured for her to give her one more minute.

"Okay, do you promise me on that?" she asked.

"Yes. I promise."

"Great." This made Jane extremely happy, because Maura would keep her promise. "Have a safe flight, Maur and I'll see you when you get back."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Bye."

Maura disconnected the call without saying goodbye; Something that she'd just recently started doing. Jane tossed her phone onto the bed and turned her attention back to Natalie.

"Hey what's up?"

"Who was that?"

"Maura."

"Oh, okay. Is she coming to dinner tonight?" Natalie crossed the room and started undressing by the closet.

"No she's not. As I thought, she's got that conference to go to so she couldn't make it."

"That's too bad." Natalie stepped into a form fitting blue dress and motioned for Jane to come and zip her up.

Jane came to her side and zipped her up. With Natalie standing at 5"4 inches tall, Jane towered over her. She reached down and hugged her from behind, pulling her in close.

"Can't we just cancel?" She said placing a tender kiss on her neck.

"Those are important friends coming tonight, Babe."

"Aren't I important to you?"

"You are the most important person in my life."

"So why can't we cancel?"

"Because I need to form align myself with like minded colleagues who will be able to help me further the expansion of my practice throughout the city. I have a plan. It's going to benefit us in the long-run."

Jane sighed and squeezed her tighter.

"That beautiful mind of yours needs a vacation. You're always thinking about work."

"That's just how I am." Natalie pulled away from her and pushed her over towards the bathroom. "You, go shower. Now."

"Yeah, yeah, okay." Jane took one last kiss and dipped into the bathroom.

As she was about to step into the shower, Natalie called out to her telling her that Angela was on the phone for her.

"Tell her I'll call her back tomorrow!" Jane said.

She couldn't handle any more anything today. This week had been full of explainable deaths and even more inexplicable motives. Jane was tired of life today. All she wanted to do was relax. Whatever it was, it would have to wait. At least until tomorrow.

* * *

I've been reading FF/RI stories for a while, and I know fans hate seeing Jane or Maura with other partners. So do I but this was an idea I had in my head. If you don't mind Jane having a S.O. for a few chapters, then please follow! Eventually, Rizzles will happen. Review if you want.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

By the time Maura realized that she'd forgotten to check in with Jane, it was Monday morning. When she had landed in San Diego, she was informed that several pieces of her luggage were left at Logan International. And then when she finally worked out the plan to get her luggage to San Diego, she went to check in to the hotel and instead of giving her the Executive Suite like she'd requested, they gave her one that was not acceptable at all. After fighting with the hotel staff for nearly a half hour, she was finally given her room. The first day there was terrible. She rested all Sunday in order to be ready for her lecture-packed schedule today.

Her nerves were a bit on edge this morning. She was sure it was because of the lack of sleep the previous night. She couldn't explain it. She just couldn't fall into a deep sleep. She looked over her speech notes and smiled contentedly. She'd spent weeks preparing for this conference and she hoped that the many hours she'd spent would benefit someone.

Her phone started ringing. She looked down to see it was BPD calling. She silenced it. They shouldn't be calling her right now in the middle of the conference. That's what her crime techs are there for. Susie is very capable of handling the workload in her absence.

The announcer introduced her as speaker of the next segment and she rose out of her seat and walked proudly over to the podium. She was arranging her notes when she looked down again and saw BPD calling. She slid her phone over to the side and began her introduction just as she'd practiced it nearly fifty times.

Her discourse flowed extremely well, even with her heightened anxiety level. The audience seemed engrossed with her topic. She was 15 minutes into her hour-long discourse, when she so happened to have glanced down at her phone when URGENT text messages started coming. She swiped quickly and viewed the messages.

_ Jane: Maur, call me when you get a break. Please._

_ Vince: Maura, Urgent. call home._

_ Vince: There's been an accident. It's Angela. It doesn't look good._

Maura's heart instantly sunk in her chest. She felt as if all the blood had drained out of her face. She didn't know how long she'd been standing there speechless, but she did know it was long enough for the chairman to step over and ask if she was feeling okay. She glanced out at the audience and confused and concerned faces stared back at her.

"It seems that I just received some very troubling news from home. I apologize but I must end my lecture right here. One of our proxy lecturers will finish this for me."

She gathered her items quickly and dashed off of the stage. Luckily, the conference center was attached to the hotel, so she made a b-line for her room. She dialed Jane. It rang until it went into voicemail. She tried again. No answer.

She called Vince. He picked up.

"Korsak?"

"Hi Vince. It's me."

"Oh Maura. Thank god. I've been trying to reach you all morning."

"I realize that now. I'm so sorry. I was getting ready for a lecture. What's happening?"

"It's Angela. She was in a bad accident Saturday night."

"What? Saturday? Why are you just now calling me?"

"Jane asked us not to call, but she's taken a turn for the worse."

"What do you mean?"

"She got t-boned by a deuced driver."

"Oh my god."

"When they cut her out of the car, she had lots of upper torso injures. Last night, she was having trouble catching her breath and they found a blood clot in her left lung. They tried to bust it up but the procedure didn't work."

"How big is the clot."

"Jane said big enough to hold 2 fluid oz."

Maura waved the hotel key in front of the lock and rushed inside. "Are you at the hospital? Where is Jane?"

"Yeah I'm here with Frankie in the waiting room. Jane and Natalie are in the room with Angela."

"What are the doctors saying?"

Vince sighed heavily. "It's not good, Maura." He lowered his voice slightly. "Get home as soon as you can."

"I'm leaving now." She disconnected the call and shoved her phone into her purse. She gathered everything within sight and stuffed it into her carry-on.

If she left something, she'd just have to take it as a loss. She had to get home.

* * *

**_Later that evening, Massachusetts General Hospital._**

The last few hours were a blur. Jane had no recollection of anything other than the images of her mother laying and suffering in the bed next to her. Angela looked bad. Really bad.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned to see Natalie gazing sympathetically into her eyes. "Do you want something to eat now? You haven't eaten all day, Babe."

"Thanks." Jane whispered. "I'm not hungry."

"Let's just take a walk. You haven't moved from this spot in almost 12 hours."

"I'm aware of that. And I won't move until she's better."

Natalie nodded and kissed her lightly on the side of the face. "I'm sorry."

Jane leaned into her kiss and sighed heavily. "No, I'm sorry. I'm just on edge. I don't know what's going to happen to her."

"I understand."

Jane turned to her and they shared a tender and silent kiss. Jane was coming apart, slowly but surely falling apart at the seams.

All the noises of the monitoring equipment and oxygen machines in Angela's room could not mask the sound of Maura's hurried footsteps drawing closer to the room. Jane's heart leaped inside of her chest when she realized that Maura was coming. She'd waited all day to see her.

Maura's steps came to a screeching halt at the door, just as Natalie was releasing Jane's lips from her kiss.

"Jane." Maura exhaled, paying no mind to the fact that she'd just come in on the tail end of their kiss. "I came as fast as I could."

Maura dropped her items at the door and came to Angela's bedside.

Jane released Natalie's hands and walked over to Maura. "I didn't want them to call you."

Maura took her into her arms and embraced her tightly. "I'm so sorry, Jane." She pulled away from her and looked into her tear-soaked eyes. "Are you okay?"

Jane shook her head quickly. "No. I'm not."

Out of her peripheral, Maura saw Natalie walking over. She glanced over and made brief eye contact with her.

"We are here for you, Jane." Maura whispered. Her fingers swiped at the tears falling down Jane's face.

"Thank you for coming."

Maura hugged her again, pressing her lips gently against her ear. "There's nowhere else that I'd rather be right now."

She released her and pulled away slowly. She moved closer to Angela's bedside and took her hand. She leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

"How bad is she?"

Her answer drew no response from either of them. She turned and looked to see Natalie pulling a sobbing Jane into her arms.

"Dr. Fisher? How bad is she?"

Natalie sighed heavily and lowered her head. "The pulmonary embolism is extremely large and is blocking flow to her left lung. Her right lung collapsed in the crash. She can't get enough oxygen to sustain her. And her heart is under a lot of stress."

"What?" Maura gasped.

Natalie shook her head slowly and walked Jane back over to the chairs where Jane collapsed into hers. Jane reached and took Angela's other hand and kissed it.

"Have you been able to speak with her, Jane?"

Jane shook her head slowly. "Before we realized there was a clot, she was talking, you know."

Maura leaned over again and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

"She was asking for you."

"I'm here, Angela." Maura whispered to her. Maura couldn't force the tears to stay in any longer. The news was bad. Worse than she imagined. She's seen this before. Twice. And it had the same outcome.

Maura swiped her tears away and glanced over at Jane and Natalie. Natalie was preoccupied at the moment with her phone and Jane was looking at Maura. Their eyes met and all she wanted to do was go over and hug Jane again. And hold her tightly in her arms.

Maura let go of Angela's hand and walked over to the door. She held out her hands to Jane, inviting her over for another hug. She immediately hopped from her seat and went over to her. Jane sighed heavily as Maura wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close.

"I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Shh. I know." Maura whispered. She stroked Jane's hair gently and spoke softly into her ear. "I'll always be here for you. You know that right."

Jane nodded briskly and clenched Maura's jacket tighter.

"I'm not going anywhere." Maura glanced over to see if Natalie was watching them and she wasn't so Maura placed a soft kiss on Jane's temple. "I'll go sit in the waiting room with Vince."

"No…Please." Jane whispered.

Maura sighed deeply and held her tighter. Jane's body trembled in her arms. Maura held on for a little while longer until she saw that Natalie had turned her attention back to them. She rose from her chair and walked over to them.

Maura detached from Jane and backed away.

"Jane? Babe, are you okay?" Natalie turned her to face her. She fixed her hair that had gotten messed up by Maura's hug.

"Yeah, I'm okay." Jane nodded slowly. "I'm okay."

Natalie stroked her face and looked up into her eyes. "I hate to do this, but I need to go."

"Go? Now?"

"Yes, I'm sorry."

"Where are you going?"

"I— I need to leave because— I'm on call this weekend, and I've been called to do some emergency oral surgery." Natalie cut her eyes over to Maura who studied her carefully.

"But now?" Jane whispered. "You said you'd stay."

"I know, and I'm sorry. There's no one else who can do this."

Jane pulled herself away from Natalie and turned back to Angela's bed. "Fine."

Natalie hugged her from the side. "Please don't be like this."

"I said, I'm fine. Go on to work."

Natalie swore under her breath and moved away from her. "I will be back as soon as I can, okay, Babe?"

"Yeah."

After a few minutes of standing there, Natalie finally decided to leave. She grabbed her jacket and ran out of the door quickly.

Jane stood glued by her mother's bedside. She was afraid to move. Afraid to breathe. And afraid to keep living.

Maura touched her lightly on the shoulder, startling her slightly. She moved closer and took her by the arms. "Let's sit down." She gestured towards the chairs beside the bed.

"Okay."

Maura guided her over and sat her down in the chair closest to Angela. Jane took her mother's hand again, and for the first time in many years, she began praying again. She wasn't sure if anyone one would hear her, but at least she was going to put forth an effort to appeal for the life of her mother.

"Don't leave me, Ma. Please." Jane begged her.

With her eyes clenched tightly shut, she leaned over and laid her head on Maura's shoulder. Maura put her arm around her and held her close. Jane relaxed in her embrace.

* * *

Two hours had passed and Jane had eventually fallen asleep on Maura's shoulder. The first half hour to forty-five minutes, Jane was trying to reach Natalie on the phone. But her calls and texts went unanswered, so she finally gave up.

Jane was snoozing soundly when Angela's vitals monitor started blaring with alarms. She bolted from her position on Maura's shoulder and looked around the room. Maura got up quickly from her seat and yanked Jane out of the way, just in time for the medical staff to rush in.

The scene was quite chaotic. Several nurses charged into the room and began calling Angela. She was unresponsive. She'd gone into cardiac arrest.

"What's happening?" Jane asked. "What in the fuck is happening, Maur?"

Maura pulled her further away and turned her to face her. She cupped her face and forced her to focus solely on her.

"Don't watch, Jane." She said softly.

"What? What do you mean?" Jane tried to turn and look but Maura held her in place.

"No, Jane. No." Tears filled up in Maura's eyes. She could see and discern everything that was happening.

"Why can't I?" Jane read her eyes the same way she always read them. Eventually she understood what was happening. "No, Maura. Please." She tried again once more to turn around, but Maura held her.

"Shh—" Maura's voice trembled as the sounds of the medical staff working to bring Angela back filled the room.

The next sounds they heard were the undeniable sound of her heart monitor flatlining. It seemed like that was the only sound they could hear. The steady deafening tone on Angela's flatlined heart.

The staff kept trying, at least three times to bring her back to them; until they had no choice but to call it.

"Time of death, 20:43." A voice echoed in their ears.

"Oh my god, Ma!" Jane gasped and broke away from Maura. She turned to see the nurses turning off the machines.

The steady hissing of the oxygen machine, now was replaced with silence. Jane walked over to her mother's bed. Tears filled her eyes. Her lips trembled. Her heart squeezed inside of her chest.

"Ma?" She choked out. She couldn't breathe.

Angela's lifeless body lay still. She was still beautiful.

The doctor touched her lightly on the arm and told her he was sorry for her loss.

Jane looked up and saw Maura approaching her. Her mouth moved, but she couldn't hear any words coming out. She sunk down into chair and took Angela's hand. It was still warm.

It still felt like her. Still felt like Ma.

"Ma." She whimpered. "God, no. please."

Maura knelt down beside Jane's chair and looked up into her eyes. Jane was trembling from head to toe and the tears poured out of her eyes. Maura caressed her face and pressed their heads together.

"I am so sorry, Jane." Her voice finally filtered through the cotton in her ears.

"This can't be happening." Jane clenched her chest. "She's gone."

Maura responded by kissing her lightly on the cheek.

"Where's Nat?"

"I don't know, Jane."

Jane groaned and started sobbing in Maura's arms. Maura looked up and saw Frankie and Vince coming into the room.

The rest of the world around Jane spiraled into a blurry mess of nothingness. The only thing she could recognize was the image of Angela laying in front of her and the soft reassurances of her best friend sitting next to her.

This was by far the saddest day for the Rizzoli family. Mama Rizzoli was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Jane sat by Angela's bedside for another hour, waiting on Natalie to return. When she couldn't wait any longer, she kissed her mother one last time and joined Maura and the rest in the waiting area. She wanted to go home. She wanted Natalie to come back. She wanted them both to just disappear from this place, but she was nowhere to be found.

She'd called the office and the after-hours helpline answered and then patched her call in to her cell phone. Which was of no use to her. She already knew her private cell phone number. Called it several times a day without any problems, until today.

She leaned forward and placed her face into her hands and struggled to hold back her tears. Maura sat next to her and wrapped her arm around her. Jane trembled lightly and whimpered.

"Where the hell is Nat?"

"I wish I knew."

Maura had even tried to call her. She understood that if she were in the middle of surgery, she couldn't answer a call, so she left a voicemail and texted her about Angela, asking her to please hurry back to the hospital as soon as she could.

That was well over three hours ago. She also knew that given the present circumstances, Jane would be worried sick about her whereabouts, possibly thinking something terrible had happened to her. If only she'd return the calls.

Frankie and Vince had left already, leaving just Jane and Maura in the lonely waiting area. Jane remained in the same position; head in her hands, crying silently, for countless minutes. Maura sat by her side, consoling her.

"I can't believe this is happening." Jane whispered.

"I can't believe it either." Maura placed her chin on Jane's shoulder and squeezed her tighter.

"Thank you for coming, Maur." Jane said softly. "It means so much to me."

"I couldn't think of being anywhere else."

Jane turned and looked at her. Maura gave her a reassuring smile and a gentle squeeze. Jane's eyes were bloodshot and filled to the brim with tears. As she stared into Maura's eyes, Maura caressed her cheek gently, her own eyes giving way to sympathetic tears.

"This hurts so much." Jane bit down on her bottom lip to stop it from trembling. But it was no use.

"I know." Maura whispered. She swiped away the tears that kept falling down Jane's face. She'd never seen her cry so much in the decade that she's known her.

She pulled Jane in once more and held her tightly, placing a soft and tender kiss on her forehead.

"Would you like for me to take you home?"

"I don't know. I think I should wait for her to get back."

"Okay." She reclined a little on the small loveseat and pulled Jane in so she could rest her tired body against her. Jane didn't resist, but fell into Maura's arms. She exhaled deeply and stared off into the distance.

* * *

Sometime before midnight, Jane looked up and saw Natalie standing in the doorway of the waiting room. She released Maura and stood up slowly. Natalie came into the room, cautiously approaching Jane.

"Where were you?" Jane asked.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't get your calls until I was finished."

"You left your phone in your car?"

"No, I left it in the staff lounge."

Jane just shook her head slowly. "My mother died, Nat."

Natalie stepped closer, reaching for Jane but she backed away. "You left me when I needed you most." She forced out.

"Baby, listen to me. I am so sorry. I had no choice." She tried again to touch her; this time Jane did not pull away.

"You did have a choice. I get that you are one of the best, but I needed you and you chose your job over me… Again."

Natalie pulled her closer. "I am so sorry." She said softly.

Jane continued to unravel. Her trembling increased and she looked as if she wanted to run away.

"Let's go home."

Jane just stood there staring at her. Her eyes traveled down the length of her body and back up to meet her eyes. She frowned and pulled away from her again.

"What's wrong?" Natalie asked.

Jane turned and looked at Maura who was looking at her oddly. She glanced back at Natalie and shook her head.

"Oh god, I'm such an idiot." Jane said with a laugh.

"What are you talking about?"

"Where were you really tonight, Nat?"

"I was working."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really."

"That's bullshit."

"What?" Natalie came closer to Jane and Jane seemed like she was daring her to touch her. Natalie reached out and took her by the arms and pulled her gently towards her. "I regret leaving you when I did. Neither one of us knew that this would happen to your mother."

"You knew! You went to medical school."

"I was hoping that it didn't, Jane. Please, don't blame me for this."

"I'm not blaming you!" Jane's voice raised. "I'm just having a hard time believing that you were working tonight as late as it was."

Natalie nodded. "I understand your reasons for not believing me, but I was working tonight, Babe."

Jane nervously ran her fingers through her hair. "Why are you wearing different clothes?"

"What?"

"Your clothes, Nat! You don't think I notice every little thing about you? You changed your clothes. Why?"

Natalie looked down at her outfit. She was wearing different clothing. She glanced over at Maura who was also looking on and awaiting an answer.

"Yes, I'm wearing a different outfit than when I left because I went home to change after the surgery."

"Instead of coming back here immediately?"

"Yes, we had been here all day, Jane. I didn't feel fresh anymore, especially after surgery. So, I went home, showered and changed."

Jane groaned and turned away from her. As she turned, she met Maura's gaze. She felt like she was losing her mind. Her world was falling apart and she didn't know which way to turn.

Natalie slipped her arm around her waist and tugged her towards her.

"Come on, Babe. Let's go home."

Jane felt like shutting down. She didn't want to live in this moment. She just wanted to sleep.

Maura nodded and smiled at her.

"She's right, Jane. You should go home and try to sleep."

"How can I sleep when she's in there like that?"

Maura reached out and touched her on the arm. "I will take care of her." She said softly.

Jane's eyes instantly filled up with tears and she choked up on Maura's words. She took Maura's hand and squeezed it firmly.

"Thank you so much, Maur."

"You're welcome."

Eventually Jane gave in to Natalie pulling her in the opposite direction and they turned off and walked out of the waiting room. Before they went out of view completely, Jane looked back at Maura standing there. Maura waved goodbye to her before she disappeared down the hallway.

* * *

Jane awakened to the sound of thunder rolling in the distance. She looked over at the clock. It read 4:03 am. Her heart still clenched in her chest. Her head ached. Her eyes felt swollen.

Natalie was attached to her, her petite naked body clung to her as she usually did when they slept. Jane and her made love when they got back home last night. Jane just wanted to dull the pain with anything that could take her mind away from the passing of Angela. The lovemaking was different that it had been. Natalie was more passionate, determined, and focused on her.

She wondered if she felt that only because of the emotional state that she was presently in. She didn't know. Natalie initiated and made passionate love to her while she was in emotional agony. Temporarily, she felt better. She stretched and leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead. She detached her arm from her and slid out of bed. She slipped on a t shirt and made a b-line for the bathroom. She navigated quietly through the room, so she wouldn't wake her.

After she was done, she came back into the room and kissed her lightly on the cheek and pulled the blankets over her. Then she went into the kitchen for food. Over the years, she'd become an emotional eater. She grabbed a bunch of junk food from her junk cabinet and started pigging out on it.

That was her secret. Natalie would be appalled if she knew Jane had a secret stash of unhealthy junk food. Very much like Maura, Natalie was all about eating healthy, and making healthy choices, good bowels, _blah blah blah._

As she sunk her teeth into her second snowball, something caught her attention in the living room. A light flashing on the end table. She went to investigate. It was Natalie's phone. It was still sitting in the same spot where she'd left it earlier. Usually, she'd have her phone right next to her, but she'd been in a hurry to get Jane to the bedroom, she left it right there.

Jane picked up her phone. She had received two new messages, but the settings on her phone didn't show from whom the messages came.

_Who would be texting her this early in the morning?_

Jane typed in her passcode. Which was the date they started dating exclusively, but it didn't work. It worked months before, but apparently, she'd changed it. Jane placed the phone down and went back to the kitchen. She sat and thought about another possible passcode. When she came up with a couple of possible ones, she retrieved it and put in the code. The second one worked. It was Natalie's ATM pin code.

She opened the messages. Her heart sunk.

_LW: Tonight was great. _

_LW: I'll call you when I'm done with my shift._

She scrolled up to see the previous messages that Natalie had sent. It was the same time she was sitting there with her and Maura in the hospital, right before she left. Natalie was telling this LW person that she was not able to leave at the moment, but she would try her best. LW replied that they would make it worth her while.

"Damn it, Nat." Jane groaned. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut to force the sudden tears from coming out. "God damn it!"

She closed her phone and placed it back in the same place. She went to the kitchen, sat down and continued eating from her junk food stash. Her mind raced with thoughts. Thoughts of her mother, and the years of her love. Thoughts of Maura. Thoughts of how she protected her from watching Angela die in front of her. And how she watched, taking on that burden on her own. She thought of the tears that flowed out of Maura's eyes as she forced her to keep looking at her instead of turning and looking.

Jane clenched her chest. She wondered if her heart was preparing to give out on her. If she was having a heart attack. If she'd survive long enough to bury her mother. She sniffled and swiped her eyes.

Her thoughts traveled to Natalie now. She thought she knew her, but it seems as though she really doesn't. Where was she last night? What was she really doing when Ma was dying? Why would she lie?

She grabbed another pack of snowballs and angrily ripped it open. She grabbed one out of the cellophane and examined it for impurities. She opened her mouth and shoved it in. Thoughts of Natalie making love to her now crept up slowly.

Had she done it just to distract her or did she really want to ease her pain? It was no secret – Jane loved sex. She was always ready, always wanting, always willing to give it. They made love nearly every night, including nights when most people wouldn't dare. Jane always wanted her.

And then she does this?

Jane chewed slowly as her mind replayed the short text messages between Natalie and LW

"Who the fuck is LW?" Jane asked herself.

Whoever he or she was, this LW person took her girlfriend away from her when she needed her most. If Maura hadn't been there, Jane would have been alone when it happened.

As she thought about the urgency that Natalie had to make love to her, she came to the sad conclusion that she was more than likely trying to distract her from the fact that she noticed that she'd changed her clothes. Her excuse made no sense. If she had gotten her messages when she was done, she would have seen the urgent messages that they sent to her. Including Maura's messages. But she chose to go home and clean up and change instead?

"Nah, that's bullshit." Jane said under her breath. Jane was no fool.

She glanced down at her phone. It was nearing 4:30 am. Natalie would be getting up in about an hour to get ready for work probably. She highly doubted that she would take time off to help her make arrangements for her mother. If she left her last night, then she would leave her today.

She had so much to do. So much to plan. So much to consider.

A notification popped up. Maura had posted an update to her Medical Examiner's Instagram account. Jane clicked it and smiled. It was a photo of Maura, Susie, and another tech from the day before Maura left. The caption read: _Don't let these smiling faces fool you. We have no interest in meeting you. Have a safe day._

"She's so corny." She laughed to herself and then double tapped her photo.

A minute later, Jane received a text message from Maura.

_Maura: Couldn't sleep?_

_Jane: Got a lot on my mind. How are you?_

_Maura: I'm sad. Sad for you and your brothers._

_Jane: Thanks, Maur._

_Maura: We will get through this, I promise._

Jane sighed and nodded. She knew she would get through it, but this extra stuff with Natalie was a serious curveball. She didn't see this coming. She didn't even know how to process it. She just wanted to forget it all together, but it was too big to forget it. Maybe she is misinterpreting the text? It's quite possible.

_Jane: Can I come over?_

_Maura: Now?_

_Jane: Yes._

_Maura: Where is Natalie?_

_Jane: She's sleeping. Has been since we made love last night._

_Maura: Oh. _

_Jane: So, can I come over?_

_Maura: Yes. The door will be unlocked._

_Jane: Thanks, Maur._

_Maura: Anytime._

Jane tip-toed around Natalie and got dressed to go to Maura's house. She leaned over and kissed her lightly on the forehead. She may have very well betrayed her, but she wasn't going to leave without kissing her goodbye. She didn't want that on her conscience. Plus, she could have it all wrong. Yeah, she had to have it all wrong. She grabbed her junk food stash and left the house.

She arrived at Maura's place a half hour later. As she closed the door behind her, she smelled the heavenly aroma of espresso brewing in the kitchen.

"Maur?" She called out.

"I'll be right down!"

Jane dragged herself to the couch and plopped down. Her body ached, her heart still felt like it was being squeezed, and her mind was still spinning. She leaned her head back against the back of the couch and closed her eyes.

The next thing she knew, she felt Maura's soft hand touching her face. She was caressing her cheek softly. Jane opened one eye and looked over at her. She smiled at her and swiped away a tear from her face.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly.

"I don't know."

She opened both eyes and looked at Maura. She had such a concerned look on her face. She moved her hand to Jane's hair and started strumming her fingers through it. Jane closed her eyes briefly, the sensation of her fingers running through her hair was something unexpected and new. When she opened her eyes again, she saw Maura gazing down at her lips.

Maura frowned slightly and reached towards Jane's mouth. She picked something from the corner of her mouth and examined it.

"Hmm." She mused.

"What?"

Maura placed the little something on the tip of her tongue and tasted it. "I thought so."

Jane laughed at her. "What?"

"How many snowballs have you had?"

"I can't remember."

Maura outstretched her hand. "You can't come over her at this hour without sharing with your best friend, now can you?"

Jane laughed lightly and reached into her pocket. "You know, I came bearing gifts."

Maura smiled and snatched the pack of snowballs from her. She ripped it open immediately and sunk her teeth into it.

"Mmm," She moaned slightly. "These are my weakness."

"Mine too."

Maura laughed and nudged her with her shoulder. She handed Jane the other one and they ate together in silence. Maura watched her and gave her smiles of reassurance each time Jane looked up and saw her watching her.

"You're stressed out, huh?" Maura broke the silence.

"You would not believe." Jane changed positions and laid across Maura's lap. She pulled the blanket over her (their favorite girls night blanket) and groaned.

Maura rested her hand across Jane's shoulder and grabbed the remote. She flipped it onto Netflix. Planet Earth II. It was a safe choice. Jane laid there quietly, not uttering a single word for almost forty-five minutes.

"Are you working today?" She asked Maura.

"No."

"Are you scheduled off?"

"No. I was supposed to be in San Diego, remember?"

"Oh. That's right."

"I plan to help you with whatever you need to do this week."

Jane sighed deeply. "I don't know what I need to do, you know."

"Yes, I know. That's what I'm here for."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Maur."

Maura squeezed her shoulder and pulled her in closer to her. "You don't have to worry about that, okay?"

"Yeah."

Jane fell silent again as thoughts of Natalie started pushing their way through her mind. It made her angry and it made her sad.

"Nat lied about where she was last night."

"What?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

Jane sighed and turned over in Maura's lap. She gazed at the ceiling and then her gaze drifted over to Maura. Maura's eyes were wide and curious. Jane stared at her for a moment. She'd known her for almost a decade, yet she's never changed. She was a constant feature in her life. If Maura did something unpredictable then it was because something was wrong… Seriously wrong.

She took comfort in those hazel eyes that pleaded with her to give her more information. She sat up and ran her fingers through her hair.

"She changed clothes last night."

Maura nodded. "Yes, I know."

"You noticed too?"

"Yes, I did."

"When we were on the way home, I questioned her about it again, but she kept the same story."

"Okay."

"And then when we got home, I hadn't even gotten a chance to hang my coat before she's on me, kissing me and stuff."

Maura swallowed hard, but she said nothing.

"She said she wanted to make love to me, to be there for me. So, you know me."

Maura nodded silently.

"And we go to bed, and we make love several times until I couldn't anymore."

"Okay?"

"I wake up to go to the bathroom and to have an early morning snack and her phone lights up with a text message. And it's from the person name LW telling her that 'Tonight was great.'"

"Oh no." Maura gasped.

"Yeah." Jane's eyes quivered as if she were holding back tears. She hesitated to continue, swallowing several times, before she found it in herself to continue. "So I go back on the messages, and when she was sitting there with you and me, this person was asking her to come to them. She told them she didn't know if she could leave, but she'd find a way."

"So she wasn't working?"

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Oh Jane." Maura touched her softly on the arm, squeezing it gently. "Could you be mistaken?"

"It's possible, but in order to know for sure, I gotta talk to her. And right now, I'm just too goddamn hurt and mad to do it."

"I understand."

Jane bolted from her seat. "I mean, this has completely caught me off guard, Maur. I don't know how to deal with it. My heart hurts so much. My mother just died and then my girlfriend may have cheated on me."

Maura stood and took Jane by the arms. "Making arrangements for Angela is top priority right now."

Jane nodded. "I know."

"What are you going to do if Natalie did cheat?"

"I don't know."

"Do you love her?"

"Of course, I do, Maur!" She pulled away and paced the floor. "We've been together for almost a year!"

"I know." Maura said quietly.

"But I don't understand why this is happening now. I mean, for a while now I've suspected that she may be unhappy with me, but I had no idea she would go to these lengths."

"Why do you think she is unhappy?"

Jane sighed and ran her hand over her face. "She's been working more, complaining more, and when we are intimate, she acts like she's not getting into me."

Maura frowned and shook her head.

"I mean, I don't expect you to understand because you're not into women, but when I make love to her, I'm giving her my all. All I want is to please her and get pleasure from her too. But I can tell she's not into me anymore."

"How?" She asked quietly.

"She doesn't look at me anymore." Jane plopped down on the couch and sighed. "I used to feel like she wanted me. She used to get really excited about being with me, but it's changed. It feels like—"

Jane put her head in her hands and rocked herself.

Maura sat down beside her and put her arm around her. "It feels like what?"

Jane met Maura's eyes. "It feels like she has no more love for me."

"I'm sorry, Jane. How long have you felt this?"

Jane shrugged. "Started a couple months ago. She worked this really crazy schedule. Like 12-hour shifts, 5 days straight. I barely saw her at all and when I did, she was mad at me. Every time I tried to initiate; she would reject me. Then once we got back on schedule, it wasn't the same."

Maura continued to gently caress Jane's shoulder, but she was at a loss for words. This new dilemma added much stress to Jane's life. She hoped that infidelity was not the case. If Natalie had cheated on Jane when she left the hospital, Jane would be crushed.

"Sorry, I shouldn't be talking about her so much."

"No. It's okay. It's what you have on your heart right now."

"I just want to know the truth, so I can focus on Ma." The very moment she said "Ma", her heart seized in her chest and she was gripped with the sudden realization that Angela was really gone.

Maura pulled her closer and placed a soft kiss on her temple.

"Oh fuck, Maur. Is she really gone?" She choked out. "Is she really gone?

"Shh—" Maura attempted to comfort her by placing soft kisses on her face and cheek and temple region. "I'm so sorry, sweetie." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, forcing the tears out. She felt her own pain of loss, but she also felt Jane's pain so strongly in her heart. It was excruciating. Suffocating.

"I'm not going to make it through this."

"Yes, you will."

"My heart can't take this and the crap with Nat too."

"Oh Jane."

"My heart can't take it." She repeated.

"Then you'll just have to take mine."

Jane gave way to a steady stream of tears. Her body trembled violently. It was wrecked with sobs. But Maura held her tightly in her arms as she whispered soft reassurances to her.

Jane's phone buzzed on her hip. After a while of continuous ringing, she unclipped her phone from her belt. It was Natalie. She silenced the call.

She called back. Jane silenced her again, turned the ringer off, and tossed the phone onto the coffee table. After a few minutes, she got up and went to the guest room. She removed all her clothing except for her t-shirt and climbed into bed. She closed her eyes, taking a deep and thoughtful breath.

The guest room door opened and Maura stepped inside. Jane watched as she approached her slowly, her eyes never breaking away from her. Maura came to the vacant side of the bed and sat down.

"I just want to sleep." Jane whispered.

Maura nodded and pulled back the covers. "May I hold you while you sleep?"

Jane turned over away from her. Maura crawled into the bed and spooned her tightly in her arms. Jane covered her hand with hers and sighed deeply. Maura leaned over and kissed her lightly on the side of the face.

"I'm so tired."

"I know. I am too. Let's close our eyes and rest."

Jane fell silent, but she still gripped Maura's hand tightly. Maura settled her head onto the pillow beside her and cherished the feel of her body next to hers. Jane fell fast asleep. She snored softly. Her hand dropped limply away from Maura's.

Maura pulled her into the security of her arms and fell asleep with her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

When Maura woke up, she realized that she was laying in Jane's arms. She glanced over at the clock. It was nearly 10am. She moved to get up, but Jane only tightened her grip around her. Jane sighed softly and snuggled closer; Her lips grazing gently across her forehead.

"Jane?"

Jane groaned and pulled her in tighter. "Hmm?"

"It's almost 10." Maura whispered.

Jane pressed her lips against Maura's forehead, giving her a soft kiss. She yawned. "You want to go again? Just give me 5 more minutes, okay." She said sleepily.

Maura glanced up at her. She was half asleep and probably dreaming of Natalie.

"Jane." Maura called her more firmly. "It's time to get up." She disconnected herself from Jane's embrace, jarring her awake.

Her eyes shot open and a confused expression crossed her face. "Maur? What are you doing here?" She asked. She sat up in bed and looked around the room. "Oh, I forgot I was at your house."

"Yes, you are."

She ran her hand over her face and stared at her.

"What?"

Jane frowned at her and glanced around the room again. "Oh Christ, did we fuck?"

Maura laughed and scooted off of the bed. "No. We did not."

Jane sighed with relief and laid back on the pillow. She stared up at the ceiling. "Why did you wake me up?"

"It's getting late in the day and we need to start making arrangements."

Jane groaned and draped her forearm over her eyes. "This sucks."

"Yes, it does. But I will help you every step of the way."

Jane sniffled softly.

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really."

"How about I make you some breakfast, so you can start feeling better."

"It's going to be a while before I feel better Maura."

Maura caressed her thigh and sighed. "What would you like to eat? I'll make you anything."

"Anything huh?"

Jane thought over what she wanted for breakfast. She really wasn't hungry, but she didn't want Maura to feel bad.

"Remember what I always get when we go to iHop?"

Maura frowned and touched her head. "Yes, you always get the New York Cheesecake pancakes."

Jane nodded.

"You want those?"

"Uh huh."

Maura patted her leg. "Very well." She said softly before excusing herself from the room.

Jane knew that Maura would be at it for a long time in the kitchen. That was usually her tactic when she wanted to buy some extra sleep time with Natalie. Give her something incredibly difficult to make and it would buy her at least an extra hour of sleep. Natalie usually gave up and made her eggs and bacon.

Regardless of what Maura came up with, she would eat it out of respect. The way that Maura agreed without a fuss made her curious though. She listened out and heard Maura humming softly in the kitchen while preparing breakfast. She smiled and closed her eyes. Maura might actually surprise her today. As soon as the last thought passed through her mind, she fell quickly back to sleep.

* * *

Maura scrolled through the recipes on her iPad until she came across the pancakes that Jane wanted to eat. Jane thought she was smart. Maura knew exactly what she was up to. Jane would more likely sleep all day. She was stressed out, grieving, and heartbroken. Sleeping was her coping mechanism. And Maura knew this. But she also knew that Jane needed to eat. And then she could go back to sleep.

She worked quickly at pulling the ingredients together; all of which she had handy. Just in case. She'd just finished topping the short stack with strawberry sauce when the doorbell rang. She removed her apron and answered the door. She stood there momentarily shocked but not too surprised to see Natalie on the other side.

"Oh, hi Dr. Fisher." Maura greeted her.

"Hi."

Maura held the door; not the least bit interested in letting this woman inside of her house today. She knew how she felt about her, and most importantly, she knew what she'd done to Jane. It was extremely obvious that she'd cheated. And had Angela not passed away, her deception may have gone unnoticed.

"How may I help you?" She asked.

"I've been trying to reach Jane all morning. Is she here?" Natalie's voice was on the edge of panic it seemed. Her eyes were reddened and she looked like she'd been crying.

Maura sighed deeply and leaned her head against the door. And she didn't budge.

"Yes. She's here. But she's sleeping."

"I just need to speak with her, please."

"I understand, but she's sleeping. She's emotionally exhausted and she still has to make arrangements for her mother."

"And I understand that you may be her best friend and think you know what's best for her, but she _is_ my girlfriend." Her eyes narrowed slightly. "And I need to speak with her."

Maura held her tongue. How dare she come to her door and demand to speak to Jane like this! Natalie stood her ground as well. Maura wanted to slam the door in her face, but that wasn't who she was. She couldn't see anything good out of letting her in to talk to Jane. She'd just upset her more than she already was. But it wasn't her place to decide. She opened the door and stepped to the side. She motioned for Natalie to come inside and take a seat on the couch.

"I'll go wake her."

"Thank you." Natalie sat down and waited for Maura to return with Jane.

* * *

Jane was on her stomach, snuggling the pillow Maura had been laying on when Maura sat down beside her. She touched her softly on the shoulder.

"Jane?"

No response. She shook her harder. "Jane?"

Jane jumped with a start. "Hmm?"

"Wake up. It's important."

She groaned and turned over onto her back. "It better be."

"Natalie is here."

"What does she want?"

"She said she's been trying to reach you all morning and she wants to talk to you."

"Oh yeah, well tough, because I don't want to talk to her."

Maura caressed her arm that draped over her face. "It might be a good idea to get it out of the way."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to know the truth, Maur." Her lip trembled. "I can't stay with her if she cheated."

"But you have to know what really happened."

"I know what happened. She fucking lied to me. What's there else to know?"

Maura squeezed her arm and stood. "She's waiting for you in the living room." She walked out of the room, leaving Jane laying there on the verge of tears.

* * *

Finally, after about ten minutes, Jane appeared out of the guest room. She dragged her feet into the living room and plopped down on the couch next to Natalie. She had her eyes glued on the floor; she wasn't quite ready to look her in the eyes yet.

After a couple of awkward minutes, she looked over at her. Natalie's eyes lacked the luster that she was used to seeing. They were reddened, darker than usual, and worried.

"Why are you here?" Jane asked her.

"I've been looking for you all morning." Natalie scooted closer to her and Jane fought every inclination not to scoot in the opposite direction. She touched Jane lightly on the thigh.

"Doesn't feel good does it?"

"No, it doesn't."

Jane held her gaze. "What's going on, Nat?"

She opened her mouth for a quick response. But Jane put her hand up in objection. "I mean, what's really going on. No lies."

Natalie sighed and shook her head slowly. "Nothing is going on. I just made a mistake in leaving last night and you're punishing me."

"There's more to this story than what you're letting on, isn't it Nat?"

"What? No."

From her peripheral, Jane saw Maura take a seat in the accent chair. Man was she ever glad she was there. She had a bad feeling that Natalie was going to break her heart even more.

"Stop lying to me!"

"I'm not lying, Baby. Please. You're just extremely upset right now, and I understand. But I'm not lying to you." She took Jane's hand. "Baby, listen to me."

Jane snatched her hand away, "Don't call me, Baby! You don't get to call me that anymore."

"Oh my god! Why not? What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me?"

"Yes!"

"Why don't you ask your friend LW what is wrong with me."

"W— What?" She gasped.

"I read your goddamn texts, Nat!" Jane trembled as tears streaked down her face. Jane dared her to deny the existence of this mystery person to her face.

Natalie swallowed hard and her eyes began to water with tears. Her mouth was open but she couldn't form any words of defense on her lips.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Jane turned away from her. She was unable to look into her eyes, knowing that she'd in a way just confessed her worst fears. Her hand came up and clenched her chest. She couldn't breathe again. Every breath she took, felt like her heart and lungs were being simultaneously stabbed with cold daggers. Her blood slowly ran cold, starting from her chest, and running down her arms.

"I can explain."

Jane squeezed her eyes shut and tried her best to suppress the anger that boiled inside of her. She looked back at her. This was the woman she'd spent the last year loving with everything she had. And if Ma hadn't died, she would have never known that Nat had stepped out.

"Can you really explain this to me?" Jane choked out.

This hurt. It hurt bad. Her thoughts traveled back to last night when Natalie made love to her like she'd never done before. She felt so loved after so long of wanting. She felt like Natalie really wanted to ease her pain. But she only wanted to distract her from her line of questioning.

"I'm so sorry."

"What makes all of this so bad is if my mother hadn't died last night, I would have never known about this."

"Baby, I—"

"For the last fucking time, don't call me that!"

Natalie snapped her mouth shut. "Okay, I'm sorry." She said lowering her head.

"I am such a fool. To think that someone like you would want someone like me."

"Please don't say that. I do love you."

Jane laughed. "Bullshit."

"I made a terrible mistake."

"Who is LW?"

Natalie stared at her, but kept silent.

"Who is LW?" She repeated.

Natalie swallowed hard. Her tears finally came out the more Jane pressed for answers. "Jane, please."

"Who is it?" She pushed.

Natalie swiped her tears away and cleared her throat. "His name is Levi."

Jane felt like a million atomic bombs had been dropped on her at once. "His?" She gasped loudly and bolted from the couch. She had to put her distance between them before she did something she would terribly regret. The room spun. She heard her heartbeat in her ears. She felt like she was going to faint.

Natalie nodded. "Yes."

"You're cheating on me with a dude?!"

"I was weak, Jane. I was working so much, and I never saw you. And it just happened."

"It just happened?"

"I made a terrible mistake. I was going to tell you."

"Yeah? When?"

"I don't know. But I really wanted to come clean about it. I just didn't know how. I got in over my head."

"How long have you been seeing him behind my back?"

Natalie put her head in her hands and cried. Jane was extremely angry. She felt betrayed in the worst way. One part of her wanted to grab her and throw her ass out of the house. The other part of her wanted to hold her and tell her to stop crying. This woman had messed her up completely. She didn't know what to do. She shoved her trembling hands into her pockets and stood her ground. Natalie always had a way of getting to her. Diffusing a situation with tears. But this situation would not be diffused without answers.

"How long, Nat!" She yelled.

Natalie jumped in her seat and looked up at her.

"Be a grown woman and look me in the eyes and tell me how long you've been cheating on me!" Her tongue was sharp and angry.

Her face sobered and she clenched her jaw tight. "I don't know… Two months maybe." She exhaled.

"Unbelievable." She said with a laugh.

"I ended it, Jane. I don't love him at all. It was a mistake."

She turned her back to her and squeezed the tears out of her eyes. She refused to let her see what she'd done to her. She'd reduced her to a pathetic ball of tears.

"I was hoping to pretend it didn't happen and write it off as a moment of weakness, but—"

When Jane opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was Maura. Maura looked at her in a way that she'd never seen before. The world she knew to be her own was crumbling down around her, but Maura continued to remain standing. Maura had tears in her eyes as well. Tears shed for her best friend. Tears of empathy.

"But what?"

"Jane, I wish that I could go back and change what I've done, but I can't. All I ask is that you'd forgive me. Please."

Jane turned around slowly. "Forgive you?" Her husky voice was heavy with sorrow. "Forgive you?"

"Yes."

She stepped closer to her and stood intimidatingly close. Natalie stood up and faced her.

"You agreed to be mine, and only mine and then you cheat on me with a guy and you want my forgiveness?"

"I was weak, can't you understand?"

"No, I can't! I gave you exactly what you wanted. Everything you asked for, I did for you. I didn't even know you liked guys!"

"Please calm down."

"I will not calm down! Every single time you asked for sex, I gave it to you even when I was tired. And this is how you repay me?"

"I made a mistake."

"You know what? Whatever. I'm done with this." Jane pushed past her and headed for the door.

Natalie chased after her and held the doorknob, preventing her from leaving.

"Move out of the way, Nat."

"Please, I don't want to leave this here."

"You have no choice. I'm done. I can't deal with anymore bullshit. You've made your choice. You chose the dick over me."

"No, Jane it isn't like that. I don't want to be with him. I want to be with you."

"Well, that's too bad. Because I can't be with you right now."

"Jane…" Natalie grabbed her arm and Jane shook her off.

"Don't!... Fucking touch me!" She held her hands up and backed away from her. "Maur, please…" Jane groaned.

Maura was waiting for her invitation. She came to Jane's side, stepping in between the two of them.

"It's best if you leave now, Dr. Fisher." Maura said calmly.

Natalie stared at Maura for a long time before she finally nodded and turned towards the door.

"For all it's worth, I'm really sorry."

"You're only sorry because you got caught."

"I know you can't possibly understand right now, but I hope you will see it in your heart to forgive me." Natalie's voice was low and sad. "Please come home soon."

"Yeah, I'll be home alright. To get my shit." Jane's heart was turning cold.

"I want you to know that I ended it with him today."

"A little to late." Jane said. Natalie sighed deeply and nodded in defeat. After a few moments of staring into Jane's heartbroken eyes, she finally opened the door and left.

Jane waited until she heard her car pull away before she let out a breath. Her entire body trembled as she moved slowly towards the couch.

"Maur, I think I'm going to—" Before she could finish her sentence, her legs gave out from under her and she collapsed against the side of the couch.

She fell awkwardly, just missing the end table. Maura was at her side within seconds, talking to her, keeping her conscious.

"Jane?" She tipped her chin towards her. "Can you hear me?"

Jane nodded slowly; her eyes were glazed over. "Yeah."

"Breathe deeply. Slowly."

Jane followed her instructions; breathing in deeply and replenishing her body of the oxygen she'd deprived it.

"Hurts to breathe." Jane whispered. Her eyes remained fixed on Maura. "Why is all this happening to me? What did I do wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong." Maura cupped her face gently and held her head. Jane's eyes began to roll back into her head. "Sweetie, stay with me, okay?"

Her eyes snapped back and focused on Maura's. "Hurts."

Maura kissed her gently on the forehead. All the while Jane kept her eyes on her. She kept breathing deeply and slowly until she finally caught her breath. "I'm sorry." Jane apologized.

"There's nothing to be sorry for."

Jane nodded briskly and choked on her tears. Maura leaned closer and touched her forehead against Jane's. "Let me carry this with you."

"How?" Jane whispered as she looked into her eyes.

Maura did what felt right. She pressed her lips against Jane's, giving her a firm and deliberate kiss of comfort. Jane trembled and whimpered as she pulled Maura closer. Maura strummed her fingers through Jane's hair and released her from the kiss.

"I will not leave you; I promise." Maura whispered to her. "I will help you."

"Thank you, Maur."

Maura kissed her one last time on the top of her head and then helped her to her feet. She sat her on the edge of the couch and supported her until she felt strong enough to stand on her own. She slipped her hand around her waist and guided her to the kitchen.

When Jane saw the plate of pancakes sitting on the island, she laughed lightly.

"Are those what I think they are?" She asked weakly.

"You know it."

Jane smiled and sat down at the island. Maura nuked them for a minute and placed the plate in front of her.

"I know you may not feel hungry, but trust me, your body is hungry right now. You haven't eaten in a while." She said taking her seat next to her.

Jane picked over it.

"Do it for me, okay?"

She nodded and cut off a hearty portion of the cakes and shoved them into her mouth. Maura knew she had to force herself to eat the meal . The amount of emotional distress that she'd been subjected to over the passed 48 hours was enough to kill her appetite for weeks. But she ate the breakfast that had been prepared with Maura's loving hands. Maura reached over and took her hand.

"We gotta make arrangements for Ma." Jane said quietly.

"When do you want to do that?"

Jane sighed deeply. "After I'm done eating, if that's okay?"

"Yes, that's fine."

And Jane said nothing else substantial that morning. After she was done, she and Maura made the preliminary arrangements to bury Angela. They didn't speak of Natalie, nor of her actions. They didn't speak of death, nor of feelings. There would be enough time to talk about all of that later.

As for now. Jane just needed peace.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jane couldn't really remember much about the past couple of days. According to Maura, she'd slept most of all of it. All she could remember was staring at the ceiling, getting up to go to the bathroom, and Maura sitting beside her. She couldn't really remember what Maura talked about. It was a steady flow of words that her brain couldn't comprehend nor process.

One time, she woke up and found Maura sleeping next to her. She remembered wanting to reach out and touch her, but she refrained.

Jane sat on the edge of the bed and sighed deeply. Her heart still ached terribly, though not as bad as it did the first night. In just a few more hours, she would be burying her mother. Saying goodbye forever. She'd dreaded this day. Even in her dreams she dreaded it. She cried every waking moment; her grief even crossing over to the dream realm. She cried in her dreams. Felt the same stabbing pain that she felt in real life while she slept. How that was even possible, she didn't know.

Jane took Angela's robe and brought it to her nose, inhaling the scent of her mother. Tears stung the backs of her eyes as she willed herself not to cry.

"I miss you so much." She whispered. She ran the softness of the robe across her face, remembering the many hugs she received while Angela was wearing it.

She could still hear her voice and her laugh. The hilarious way she giggled that was almost as infectious as Maura's laugh.

She sniffled and swiped at her nose. She felt lost. Yeah, she still had Frankie and Tommy, and she guess she had Pop, but family-wise, Ma was her everything. She hadn't even spoken to Frankie since that night. She hadn't spoken to anyone but Maura. Maura acted as her spokesperson. Speaking for her when she could not.

Jane had no clue what was going on. All she knew was she had to bury Angela.

There was a light knock on the door. She turned to see Maura standing there with two carry-on bags beside her.

"Hey." Jane greeted her.

"Hi." She said softly. "May I come in?"

"Of course. This is your house."

Maura came inside the room and pulled the bags in with her. "This is the first round. I got all of your underwear, pants, shirts, sweats. And work clothes."

Jane nodded and smiled. Maura volunteered to go to Natalie's place and pack up her things. Jane didn't feel strong enough to face Natalie at the moment, so Maura told her she would go.

"Did you remember my socks?"

Maura nodded.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome, Jane." She took a seat beside her and eyed Angela robe in her hands. "What are you doing with that?" she asked.

Jane shrugged and brought up to her face again and caressed her own face with it. "It's soft." Jane whispered. Maura put her arm around her and leaned her head against Jane's, nestling Angela's robe between their faces. She held Jane tighter, bringing her other hand up to cover Jane's.

As strange as it may seem, it felt like they were hugging Angela together.

"I miss her." Jane whispered.

"I miss her too." Maura kissed her softly on the forehead.

"I am dreading the service later."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to say goodbye." Jane abruptly pulled away from Maura and crossed the room, putting the robe in the closet.

She then went over to her carry-ons and unzipped one. She vacantly browsed through her underwear bag and laughed lightly.

"What's so funny?" Maura asked.

"I just thought about you going through all my underwear and packing it. How did you know which was mine?"

"Because you still have the same ones I bought you for Christmas last year."

"Oh. How embarrassing."

Maura laughed softly and watched her. Jane looked as if she were looking for something in particular, but then again, she didn't. Her movements were repetitive and vacant.

"What are you looking for?"

Jane didn't answer. She just continued to browse. After some time, she sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. Maura slipped down beside her and took her hand.

"What is it?"

"I lost Ma. I lost Nat. I'm just scared."

"Of what?"

"That something will happen and I'll lose you too." She gazed over at Maura and flashed an embarrassed smile.

"Oh, Jane. You don't have to worry about that. I'm not going anywhere."

"But anything can happen. We may not break up our friendship, but what if you walk outside and get hit by a bus? Or what if you're exposed to some crazy pathogen like what happened before, but this time it kills you?"

"You're right, anything can happen, but instead of focusing on the what ifs, just try to think of the fact that I am still here now."

"If something happens to you, I'll just die, Maur." Her words came out very clear and convicted. She meant it. And from the look in her eyes, she wanted Maura to know how much she meant it.

Maura caressed her face. "I am not going anywhere, Jane."

"Please don't." She said quieter.

Maura nodded and smiled at her. She continued to caress her face softly, her thumbs gently gliding over her cheekbones. Jane stared into her eyes. The power of her gaze seemed to magnetize her.

"Your hands are so soft." Jane said. Her eyes closed briefly as she enjoyed the feel of Maura's caresses. Maura leaned over and kissed her closed eyelid and pulled away slowly. Jane opened her eyes and smiled at her. "That was sweet."

Maura said nothing with her mouth but her eyes glanced down at Jane's lips. She wasn't even aware that she did it either. But Jane was.

"Could you run your fingers through my hair again?"

Without hesitation, Maura drove her fingers lightly through her hair, starting at the scalp where she massaged gently, and then strumming them out to her ends. And repeat. And repeat.

Jane sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "That feels good, Maur." She reached up and took a hold of Maura's forearm as she continued to stroke her hair. She leaned and placed a firm kiss on Maura's wrist.

This in turn, solicited a gentle kiss on her cheek. Jane opened her eyes to see Maura was inches away from her face. She tried to read her, carefully attempting to ascertain in her present mental state, what exactly was on Maura's mind.

She couldn't tell.

"What are you thinking?" Jane decided to just ask.

Maura smiled and shrugged. "I want to take away all of your pain."

"I would never want you to feel what I'm feeling right now."

"Give it to me."

"Give what to you?"

"All that you have inside. Everything."

"I have nothing more to give – She took it all." Jane said sadly.

Maura shook her head slowly. "That's not what I mean."

"What do you mean then?" Jane asked. Her heart clenched again inside. She wished she could forget about Natalie and what she did to her, but the way she did it was so wrong. She left her to go have sex with someone else and then she came home and made love to her the same night!

Jane let go of Maura's arm and clenched her chest. Her heart throbbed inside, it twisted, and it convulsed. Maura covered her hand and pressed her lips against Jane's ear. Jane breathed in deeply and let it out slowly. Just like Maura had told her to do before.

"Shh." She whispered softly. "It's going to be okay, Jane. I promise you." She said. Her trembling lips found the outer edges of Jane's ear, and tenderly kissed it.

Jane leaned into it, the sensation suddenly overwhelming her senses. She inhaled deeply, holding her breath while Maura coursed over the length of her ear, slowly traveling down to the lobe and tasting it gingerly with her lips. When she pulled away, Jane exhaled sharply, her hand grasping Maura's arm once again.

The pain in her chest dulled a degree. Her eyes met Maura's again and a look of confusing crossed her face. Had she just imagined that? Did she imagine the pain lessening in her heart with Maura's touch? Jane shook her head slowly. She must be losing her fucking mind.

"I can handle whatever you are feeling inside." Maura said.

"It's too much. I already feel like a crying baby in front of you."

"Jane—" Maura said softly. "It's natural to cry like you have been. Like we both have been. This loss is devastating."

"There are things I am feeling. Certain pains. That you can't understand."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't understand my feelings about _her_." Jane couldn't even bring herself to say her name anymore. It just hurt too much.

"I don't have to understand the dynamics of your relationship with her, but I do understand your feelings of betrayal and of hurt and disappointment. I do understand love."

"I can't go back to her, you know."

Maura nodded.

"And right now, I feel like I have no one. I mean, I have no one who I can be with intimately."

Maura sighed lightly. "Is being intimate really that important to you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I mean, I need it. And not in a selfish way because that's completely different. Her and I went there almost every night. And the more I think back on it, the more it hurts knowing that she was doing me and him at the same time. It doesn't feel so special anymore."

"Then don't think about it."

"That's easier said than done, Maur."

"I realize that."

"I know you want to help me with my pain, but it goes deeper than just losing Ma. I lost her at the same time, I lost intimacy at the same time. It feels like I lost everything." She lowered her head, unable to look at Maura anymore. "Everything."

Maura hugged her. "You haven't lost me."

"I'm so grateful for that."

Maura sighed heavily and caressed Jane's arms. "Let's lay down for a while before it's time to get ready." She got up and took Jane's hand and pulled her onto the bed with her. She reclined and pulled Jane into her arms.

"This feels nice too." Jane said.

"Yes, it does."

"If I offended you, I'm sorry."

"No, you did not. I do understand more than you realize."

"Yeah?"

"Yes. Just because I've never been in a relationship with a female, doesn't mean that I don't know what you're feeling."

Jane responded with silence, but she wrapped her arms around Maura tighter. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "You make me feel okay, Maur."

"Just okay?" she laughed lightly.

Jane smiled. "Yeah. You make me feel like everything will be okay."

"Because it will."

Jane nuzzled the crook of Maura's neck and placed a soft kiss there. "I'm starting to believe it."

"Good." Maura grabbed Jane's cell phone from the nightstand and set the alarm for two hours from now. That should give Jane enough time to sleep before getting ready for the funeral. "Rest well, Jane."

Jane had already fallen asleep.

* * *

Jane bolted out of bed and reached for her phone. She quickly turned off the alarm and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Are you up?" Maura called from the other room.

"Yeah. I'm up."

Maura came in 5 minutes later. She was already dressed. She had on a professional looking skirt suit, black. With minimal makeup. Her eyes were reddened, which made her hazel eyes blaze with intensity.

"Are you doing okay?" She asked sitting down next to Jane.

"Honestly, no, but I will be. Just feeling a little nauseous."

Maura touched her lightly on the leg. "Do you want me to grab your suit from the closet or were you going to wear something different?"

Jane shrugged her shoulders. "Can you just pick me something? I can't focus enough to do that. I just need to shower."

"Sure."

Maura got up and disappeared out of the room. She grabbed Jane's power suit from the hallway closet and brought it to her.

"Here you go." She said walking into the room.

Jane was already undressing and heading for the shower. "Thanks, Maur. Just leave it on the bed." She dove into the shower and showered her sorrows down the drain.

Fifteen minutes later, she reappeared into the room. Surprisingly, Maura was sitting on the bed waiting for her. Even if Jane wanted to break down and cry her eyes out, she wouldn't do it in front of her like this. She had to regain her emotional strength back as soon as she could.

Maura looked up and smiled. "Was it refreshing?"

Jane finished toweling off her hair and nodded. "Wasn't bad."

She handed Maura the towel and then reached in the bag for her underwear. When Maura went into the bathroom to toss the towel away, she quickly slipped into a pair of panties and a sports bra and reached for the suit. She dressed quickly, giving herself no time to think about what she was dressing for.

She put the finishing touches on her suit by folding her shirt collar over. "There, how do I look."

Maura smiled. "You look beautiful, Jane."

"Thanks." She grabbed the brush off of the end table and started brushing her hair. She didn't speak to Maura at all, she just vacantly performed the task. When she was finished, she glanced over at the clock. In order to get there before services started, they needed to leave in about 45 minutes.

Jane sighed heavily; the tears becoming harder and harder to hold in. Maura came to her side and wrapped her arm around her.

"Are you ready?" She whispered.

Jane lowered her head. "No." She choked out.

Maura turned her to face her, her hands reaching up and cupping her face gently. She searched Jane's eyes. Perhaps searching for that side of her best friend who was courageous in the face of something terrifying.

"I don't want to say goodbye." Jane whispered. Her body began to tremble in Maura's hands.

"I know—Oh, god Jane, I know."

Jane swallowed hard and leaned herself further into Maura, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. The tears streamed out. "I'm sorry, I'm just not as strong as I want to be right now."

Maura pulled her closer and looking into her eyes. "You don't have to be strong right now. That's what I'm here for."

Jane nodded briskly and took Maura by the waist, pulling her closer and resting her head against hers. Maura laced her fingers through her hair and pulled her in even closer. Jane's breath quivered when she felt her fingers in her hair.

"I'll be everything you need me to be, Jane." She whispered.

She sighed deeply when Maura's touch sent goosebumps racing across her skin. Maura kissed her tenderly on the tip of the nose. Jane leaned in, closing the distance between them and captured Maura's lips in a kiss.

Maura stilled with surprise. Jane held her lips briefly before pulling and away a little. She looked at Maura to see what her reaction was and she was trembling; and staring down at her lips. Eventually she looked up and met Jane's eyes.

Jane leaned in again and took Maura's lips. Maura clenched two handfuls of hair. She whispered something, only to be absorbed by Jane's heated kiss. A soft moan escaped Jane's mouth as she explored Maura's lips for the very first time. The longer she kissed her, the calmer she felt.

She eventually released her lips and stood foreheads pressed together with Maura. They both were breathing heavily. Completely caught off-guard with the surge of feelings that rushed through them.

"Jane…" Maura breathed.

Jane placed one last and gentle peck on Maura's lips and pulled away from her completely. She swallowed hard. She looked terrified because of what Maura's potential reaction could be. She'd crossed that best friend boundary line and placed a kiss on Maura's lips.

Jane began to panic inside. "Maur, I—"

Maura cut her off by placing a finger to her lips. "Don't dare apologize for kissing me."

Jane swallowed hard and nodded. "Okay."

"I enjoyed it."

"Me too." Jane pulled her in for a hug and sighed with relief because Maura didn't freak out. She wasn't even planning on kissing her. It just felt right.

Being in Maura's arms felt so good. She felt right. She felt comforted. She felt safe.

Maura held her in silence for a little while before she asked if she was now ready to go.

Jane nodded. "Yes. I'm ready."

Maura took her hand and led her out of the door. This was by far the hardest day that Jane would ever face, but she was glad that she had someone as stable as Maura by her side.

* * *

Hi. Wow. I just noticed I had many reviews. I'm so glad you like this story. It's fun to write. Someone asked where was Frankie, Tommy and dad. Frankie will appear somewhere soon. But he does not have a big part because I am focusing mainly on Jane and Maura and I get confused when too many people are talking. Thanks for reviewing. It makes me happy that you like it! Yay! I'll update in a couple of days. Got to go back to work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Jane felt numb. She looked around the room and saw Frankie being comforted by Nina. She smiled. It was only a matter of time before they realized that their feelings for each other were mutual. Frankie had recently confided in Jane, asking her the best way to show Nina that he liked her. She told him to just tell her. But like every Rizzoli to have ever walked the face of the Earth, he feared rejection.

She spotted Tommy sitting in the living room with some blonde chick on his arm. She hadn't seen this one before today, but she must be pretty serious to earn a spot beside him at his mother's funeral mass. Jane was sure that she'd learn more about this one later.

It was then that Jane became aware that she was sitting alone. On the way to the services, she'd lashed out at Maura and hurt her feelings pretty badly. She didn't mean it. Maura had said again that she would be anything that she needed her to be. The first time she said it, it made her feel strange. Like Maura thought that she just needed sex to feel better.

And if she thought that, it was Jane's own fault for making it seem that way. She didn't want Maura to feel like she had to be there for her sexually just because Natalie wasn't there anymore like that. When she said it again, Jane corrected her, telling her that she didn't want her sexually like that. Actually, she said that she didn't need her sexually, and that if she needed sex, she could just go back to Natalie, because she was the only thing she'd known and wanted for the past year.

Jane sighed as her eyes fell into her lap. It was a terribly hurtful thing to say. But she felt the need to clarify that she would never selfishly use Maura to fulfill her sexual needs like that. Especially not now. Perhaps if she had said it like that, then she wouldn't have hurt her feelings.

Jane remembered the silence that followed her hurtful statement. Maura was the one driving and she stared straight ahead and didn't say a single word for nearly ten minutes. Eventually Maura broke her silence and apologized for the misunderstanding. She really didn't mean for Jane to take it that way. Jane also apologized for the harshness of her words.

Jane cleared her throat and swiped her eyes. She felt lost. The services at the Cathedral went over well. Ma had a turn out of nearly five hundred people. If she only knew that she had touched at least this many people. There were family, friends, workmates, law enforcement colleagues of Jane and Frankie, medical community friends of Maura, Frank and his bunch, and Tommy and his friends. She even recognized a few friends of Natalie's that she'd gotten to know over the past year, but she never saw Natalie. But she knew she was there. It made her heart hurt even more knowing that she was there and because of the circumstances, she had to keep her distance. During the services, she had to continually force herself to not wish her to be sitting next to her.

Maura didn't even sit by her. She sat next to Nina on the row. Vince sat next to Jane during the services. If Jane hadn't have lashed out, then maybe Maura would have taken that seat…

"Jane?" Vince touched her lightly on the arm.

Jane glanced up and smiled at him. "Hey, Korsak." Her voice was tired, low, and weak.

"How're you hanging in there?"

She nodded. "I'm okay. Thanks."

"Good." He kneeled down in front of her. "I'm going to take off. Is that okay?"

Jane glanced around the room. It was more than okay. She wanted everyone to disappear and quickly. This whole thing had been drawn out and she wanted to be in Ma's house alone. Just her and Ma's things.

"Yes. That's fine."

"Have you seen, Maura?"

It was then that Jane realized that she hadn't seen Maura in a couple of hours. The reception took place in the guest house and the last time Maura was seen was after the first set of visitors started coming to share condolences.

"No. She's probably at her house."

"Okay." He patted her lightly on the leg. "I'll see you in a few days, Rizzoli. Enjoy your time off."

"I'll try." She grabbed her phone off of her hip and checked for messages. She had none from Maura. She sighed and got up from the chair.

She walked around the room. Hoping to see Maura somewhere, but she couldn't find her. She wanted to apologize yet again, even though she knew that Maura would tell her there was nothing to apologize for. She mechanically greeted visitors and thanked them for coming.

As she turned the corner leading to the kitchen, she froze in her steps. There standing in Ma's kitchen was Natalie. At first, she thought she was imagining her, but as she stepped closer and touched her lightly on the arm, Jane knew that she was very real.

Natalie looked up into Jane's eyes and squeezed her arm gently. Jane was at a loss for words. She wanted to run away from her. She hadn't intended on seeing her just yet. Especially not here. She was shocked into silence.

"Hi Baby." Natalie said softly and stepped closer. Her hand slid down and toyed with Jane's fingers. Something that was unique to her and her only.

Jane swallowed hard. Her heart was slowly rising into her throat.

"Hey." She said.

"I was there today." Natalie said softly. "I just didn't know if you wanted to see me."

Jane nodded. And then she shook her head as Natalie stepped closer.

"No, Nat. Please." She whispered. Jane definitely didn't want to make a scene, nor did she want her any closer. She was feeling slightly discombobulated.

"I just wanted to see you and make sure you're okay."

"I'm okay." Jane glanced over her shoulder and noticed Frankie watching them. Frankie was aware of Natalie cheating. She'd broken down and told him at the services when he asked where she was and why she wasn't sitting with her.

"I miss you." She took Jane's hand and squeezed it. "Can we please talk for a minute?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Jane tried to remain as normal as possible, but inside her heart was screaming at her not to entertain anything that she was saying. It was too vulnerable.

"All I'm asking is for ten minutes. Please."

Jane sighed heavily and gazed into her eyes. She bit her bottom lip softly and shook her head.

"Please?"

Against her better judgement, Jane nodded in agreement. She motioned for Natalie to follow her to a private corner in the living room. They sat in the window seat. Jane looked at her, waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind. Natalie wrung her hands nervously and gazed down at the floor momentarily.

"What did you want to say, Nat?"

She glanced up in Jane's eyes. "Please forgive me."

Jane laughed lightly. "Obviously I was not enough for you, even though I gave you all I could."

"That's not true. I was very happy with you."

"If you were so happy, why would you step out on me like that? I don't understand."

Natalie sighed and lowered her head. "I can't really explain why I did it either. The first time it happened, we had just had a really bad argument and I wasn't myself. I was exhausted."

"Apparently you weren't too exhausted to fuck that LW."

Natalie snapped her mouth shut momentarily. "I admit, it was a terrible thing to do, but I was hurting inside."

"Why? What did I do to you?"

"I thought you didn't want me anymore, Jane."

"Oh please!" Jane caught sight of Frankie in her line of sight. He was obviously trying to see what was happening. "Why on earth would you think I didn't want you anymore? I wanted you nearly every night."

"I know, but—"

"But what?"

"I felt like I was competing with her."

"With who?"

"Maura."

Jane laughed out loud. "Really now? Maura is my best friend, Nat. At that time, you and I were dating almost 9 months and living together. How could you feel like you were competing with her?"

"I felt that you had feelings for her."

"That's bullshit!" She spat. Her voice was in a hot whispered. She wanted to yell, but she didn't want anyone to hear anything going on.

"That's how I felt."

"Why didn't you ever talk to me about it then? Why go and cheat on me?"

"I didn't intend on being unfaithful to you. I was afraid to ask you about it, because I was afraid to know the truth."

"The truth? The truth of me and Maura's relationship is that we are friends. Best friends. There's nothing more."

"I didn't believe that."

"Well, you were sorely mistaken. I gave you no reason to feel insecure. None whatsoever." Jane paused for a moment when she felt the tears rising up into her eyes. "You were everything to me. You understand?"

Natalie nodded.

"I have to admit, before you came along, she was my everything, but on a platonic level. She isn't even into women like that, Nat!"

"I see how she looks at you, Jane."

"And how's that?"

"She looks at you like a woman who likes women would look at you."

"Now, that's just you being jealous." Jane said with a laugh.

"I'm just telling you how I feel."

"So basically, you're telling me the reason why you cheated on me for two months was because you thought that Maura and I had a thing for each other?"

"I'm just explaining why it happened at first, but it continued until I ended it because I didn't know how to end it."

"A simple: 'Hey, I'm in a committed relationship with someone else' would have been suffice."

Natalie exhaled deeply and took Jane's hand. "Baby, please. I am not trying to upset you right now. Nor am I trying to excuse my actions. I was wrong. I was so wrong. And I will never forgive myself for leaving you in your time of need."

"What do you want from me, Nat?" She whispered. She glanced over her shoulder to see that Frankie had disappeared. She was kind of glad. She hated being watched like that.

Natalie reached over and caressed her face gently. Jane avoided looking into her eyes for as long as she possibly could, but then she glanced up at her. Her heart turned over inside of her chest and started clenching even tighter than before. This beautiful woman had been the center of her life. She'd longed to see her face every day, and longed even more to taste her and please her.

But she left her.

Her touch only intensified the pain in her heart. She leaned into her hand, hoping that she could regain the feeling she once felt when Nat touched her – If only temporarily.

"I love you, Jane." Natalie whispered and pressed her lips against Jane's cheek.

Jane sucked in a rasp breath. She found it difficult to breathe with Natalie this close. Her heart began racing inside of her chest, her body tingled from head to toe. She started trembling, she felt like she needed to scream.

"Please give me another chance, Baby." Natalie peered into Jane's eyes.

Jane closed her eyes and measured her breathing… Just like Maura had taught her. Because she certainly felt like she was about to pass out right there on the floor!

"Come here," Natalie said softly. She said it the same way she always said it. The way that made Jane melt inside. It didn't matter if she had a tiny physique, her strong personality often left Jane like putty in her hands.

Jane felt like she couldn't control herself, like she was spiraling out of control with no hopes of ever regaining ground. Maybe the fact that Natalie had showed up and Maura was nowhere to be found was evidence that she should give Natalie another chance. Perhaps she should forgive her and not hold a grudge over her lapse of good judgment. She had been okay up until that point, after all. Maybe she should let it go.

Jane became aware of the fact that Natalie was leaning in slowly towards her. Every alarm in her common senses was screaming at her to back away, but her heart – That treacherously conflicted heart convinced her that it was okay. It was just a kiss. She should just let it go.

* * *

Maura was sitting on the couch surfing through channels when Frankie came in through the back door. Maura had meant to lock it, to prevent accidental visitors like this from disturbing her but she got distracted with other things.

She glanced over her shoulder and smiled at him. "Hi."

"Hey, Maura. You okay?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, because you're sitting in here alone."

"I thought maybe you guys wanted to be with family and friends." Maura said softly. She turned her attention back to the TV set and continued scrolling.

Frankie sat down beside her. "What's wrong?"

Maura didn't feel comfortable talking to him about her feelings. Jane was the only Rizzoli close enough to have that privilege. But Jane was the one who'd bruised them today. She was aware that Jane was not emotionally stable, and she wasn't trying to imply anything. But the more she sat alone and thought about her actions, the more she convinced herself that she had done something to merit Jane's lashing.

Perhaps it was the kiss? But Jane was the one who kissed her. Maybe if she hadn't allowed her to kiss her, then it would have—

"Maura?"

Her eyes fluttered back to Frankie. She'd completely forgot to respond. "I'm sorry. I just miss Angela. And Jane and I had a slight disagreement today."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed something was going on. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I do not."

Frankie nodded and gazed at the tv screen. Maura had stopped on HSN.

"Natalie's over there."

A flash of heat streaked through Maura's body. "What?"

"Natalie showed up."

"Oh."

"Jane told me about what went down."

"Yeah. It's quite unfortunate."

"Looks like she's trying to get back in with her, you know."

Maura turned towards him and frowned. "What do you mean?"

"They went off somewhere private to talk and before I left, Natalie was getting kinda close."

Maura just stared at him as if he'd just spoken a language that she hadn't yet mastered. She heard him, but she didn't think she heard him correctly.

"Just thought you'd like to know." He said and stood up. He walked over to the island and grabbed an apple. "May I?"

"Um, yes. Sure, go ahead."

Frankie nodded his head and left out the same way he came in, leaving Maura staring at the back door. She didn't know how long she was sitting there staring at the backdoor before she flipped off the television and made a b-line for the guest house.

* * *

Maura made her way through the house and made eye contact with Frankie near the kitchen. He motioned in the direction where Jane and Natalie had gone and she followed the path. She caught sight of them almost immediately. She could always spot Jane in a crowd and even in a dimly lit room. She moved closer. She had to get Jane away from her, before she talked her way back into her heart. What she did was inexcusable. Absolutely inexcusable.

Natalie was cupping Jane's face, speaking softly to her. Maura stopped advancing towards them. She wondered if she should even interrupt them. If she should just leave them alone. Part of her said yes, just leave them alone. That was the analytical part of her that she used almost every day of her life. That side of her that told her to always take emotion out of the decision-making process.

And part of her said, no. Don't leave them alone. Interrupt them and get her away from Natalie. Natalie was taking advantage of Jane's weakness. Trying to get back in, as Frankie called it. If Frankie recognized it, then she should too. Cheating is one thing, but knowingly leaving Jane to go make love to her lover while Jane's mother is dying in the hospital is another.

Natalie can deny it all she wants, but she being medically trained, knew how bad off Angela was. She even explained to Maura how Angela's current oxygen levels at that time were not enough to sustain her life. And yet she left!

"Jane." Maura said stepping in view of them. Her voice was clear and commanding. Commanding enough to break the spell that Natalie presently had over her. Jane jumped with a start and looked in her direction. "Come here, please." Maura held out her hand to her.

Jane turned and looked at Natalie. She said nothing to her as she just gazed into her eyes. Slowly a frown creased her brow and her head shook slowly. She reached up and took her hand that was caressing her face and lowered it.

She sighed deeply and stood up.

"Where are you going?" Natalie asked.

Jane glanced over at Maura who still hand her hand extended towards her. "The night my mother died, I felt like I was dying with her. If you had been there, then maybe you could have seen how much I needed comfort. But you weren't there."

"I—"

Jane raised her hand to silence her. "And at first. I was really angry with you. Especially after I found out where you were. But then I realize that it was meant to be like this."

"What do you mean?"

Jane stepped away from her and closer to Maura. "I wasn't alone. I was never alone."

"I am so sorry."

Jane nodded. "I'm sure you are, Nat, but it doesn't change what's been done to us and our relationship."

Natalie shook her head slowly.

"No matter how much I want to, I can never trust you again. And what is a relationship without trust?"

"We love each other."

"You loved me, and yet you cheated."

"We can make this work."

Jane reached and took Maura's hand and stepped closer to her. She smiled at Maura, so thankful that once again she'd show up at just the right time. Her timing was impeccable. Natalie almost had her. As she looked into Maura's eyes, she felt safe. She wanted Maura to feel the same way too when she looked into hers. These last few hours being emotionally separated from Maura was tough, but it helped Jane come to an understanding about herself.

She needed Maura's friendship more than anything right now. She needed Maura.

"So that's how it's going to be?" Natalie jumped to her feet. "I was right about you two."

"No, you weren't. Maura has never abandoned me, Nat. She was in San Diego and she dropped what she was doing and came home to be here with me."

"I was here too! I sat right there beside you for three days, Jane! Don't I get credit for that?"

"Yes. You do. But when you left me, she stayed by me. There are things that happened—things that Maura did to protect me while Ma was dying that are just too special to even share. It'll always be between me and her."

"Well, that's nice."

"Yeah it is. Had you been there, maybe you would have gotten the opportunity to be what I needed, but you weren't. You were off getting fucked."

"Fine, Jane. I know what happened."

"Good. So if you don't mind, please don't ask me to take you back anymore. Don't ask for my forgiveness, because I cannot give that to you right now."

"Fine." Natalie said again.

"I would appreciate it if you would please leave my mother's house and never contact me again."

"But, Jane."

"Never contact me again." She asserted.

Natalie held her ground, but she ultimately gave up the fight. She slipped off the ring that Jane had given her months ago and placed it into her hand. Jane clenched it tightly in her hand and looked away as Natalie started to walk away.

"Goodbye, Jane."

"Bye." Jane whispered.

It took a whole year for Natalie to fill up Jane's life and only seconds for her to walk out of it. Jane stood there holding the ring in a tight fist. Her mind slowly returning to the present. She glanced over at Maura who still held her other hand. She smiled at her and shrugged.

"I guess it's over now." She said slipping the ring into her pocket.

Maura nodded and squeezed her hand. "Are you okay?"

Jane nodded. She was. She was really okay. She'd dreaded this moment for days – Breaking it off with Natalie – But when it finally happened, she felt a sense of relief in a way. As Jane gazed into the eyes of her best friend, her heart began to calm down. Maura was her peace. She always has been. And she probably always will be.

Jane looked around the room and saw many familiar faces, but the only face that truly mattered at the moment was Maura's.

"Can we go to your house and watch a movie?"

"Absolutely. What about the visitors?"

Jane shrugged. "They'll go home once the food runs out."

Maura laughed lightly. "Very well." She tugged Jane slightly towards the door. "What would you like to watch?"

"We haven't had a girl's night in over a year. Let's just watch anything?"

Maura smiled up at her and nodded. "That sounds very nice. After you." She said gesturing her out of the door.

Jane's heart began to well up inside with a new feeling. One that only started presenting itself recently through her heartache. One that only Maura produced.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

The movie had been on for nearly thirty minutes when Maura got up to make some popcorn. It kind of felt strange, doing the movie night again after so long. Like they were starting all over again. Which, maybe they were. Jane couldn't believe she'd allowed her relationship with Natalie to interfere with her and Maura's cherished girl nights. It's just what they did every Friday for nearly eight years prior to Natalie showing up.

Jane was the first to cancel, because well, the relationship was new and exciting and all she could think about was being with Natalie. She put Maura on the back burner once, twice, three times before Maura decided to cancel the movie nights indefinitely.

She'd told Jane that she was happy that she finally found someone who made her happy and she wanted her to concentrate on her new relationship. But little did Jane know that their weekly movie nights were all that Maura was looking forward to. She'd dealt with death every single day and she lived for her nights with Jane because she was so full of life.

"Do you want one or two bags?"

"Two is fine. Just in case you're still a pig with the popcorn."

Maura laughed lightly. "Whatever Jane. I am not a pig."

"When it comes to the popcorn, you are."

Maura smiled and worked in silence in the kitchen. After the popcorn was finished, she transferred it to their favorite snacking bowl and grabbed a beer for Jane out of the fridge. She placed everything down in front of Jane and went back to the kitchen and poured her a glass of red wine.

"You're taking forever." Jane called over her shoulder.

"You could have cut the time in half by helping, you know that right?"

"Oops."

Maura sighed lightly and rejoined her at the couch. Jane was holding their place in the movie and on the couch. She settled back into the same spot, nestled comfortably in the corner of the couch. Jane scooted over, just a wee bit closer than she was before and draped the blanket over them.

"It's alright I'm this close?"

"Of course. It's easier to share the popcorn too."

Maura felt an overwhelming sense of de ja vu. Jane said that exact thing when they had their first movie night and she responded the same way.

Jane laughed lightly at her response. Yeah, she remembered as well.

Maura winked at her and reached for the popcorn on the table. Jane stilled her hand and reached for it instead. "Here, my arms are longer." It was then that she noticed her favorite brand of beer sitting on the table.

"Is that still your favorite?" Maura asked shyly.

Jane turned and looked at her. Her mouth opened slightly. She looked surprised. "Yeah. Yeah it is." She handed the popcorn bowl to Maura and picked up the beer, inspecting it closely.

"What's wrong?"

"Please don't tell me you've had this beer in your fridge for a year, Maur." She arched her brow and smiled at her.

Maura swatted at her. "Of course not, silly. I took a chance and hoped that your taste hasn't changed. I bought it a couple of days ago while you were sleeping. Just in case you wanted some while you were staying with me."

Jane just nodded her head slowly and then sighed so deeply that Maura wondered what was on her mind at that moment. She looked a little impressed, content, and sad at the same time.

"Thanks, Maur."

"There's no need to thank me. I enjoy doing things for you to make you happy."

"I like doing the same for you, but honestly I don't think I've done a good job in a while."

Maura grabbed a piece of popcorn and brought it to Jane's lips. Jane opened her mouth and waited for Maura to pop the piece into her mouth, which she chewed slowly.

"I couldn't ask for a better best friend than you, Jane."

"Really?"

Maura nodded and pointed to her glass on the table. Jane picked it up and handed it to her. She took a sip and gave it back to her. To her surprise, Jane took a sip as well.

"Man, I forgot how good your wine tastes." Jane said while placing the wineglass back on the table.

Maura smiled and turned her attention towards the tv. Jane got comfortable beside her and reached for her legs under the blanket.

"Would you like to stretch out a bit?"

"Sure." Maura said.

Jane took her legs and stretched them out across her lap. "There. Is that better?"

Maura nodded and grabbed some popcorn. Jane restarted the movie. They didn't talk as much as they used to. They used to talk about everything from Prada to dead bodies. But for now, they just enjoyed the comfort of silence and each other's company.

Jane had reached into the bowl only to touch the bottom. She laughed out loud. "See I told you!"

"Told me what?"

"You're such a pig."

Maura laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, you weren't eating it."

"I was engrossed in the movie, Maur."

Maura shot her a playful glare and Jane batted her eyebrows in return. _It feels so good to be here with her. After so long._

"Would you like me to make you some more?"

Jane glanced down at her watch and sighed. "Nah. It's getting kinda late."

"Alright." Maura said softly and turned off the tv.

Jane leaned back on the couch and gazed at the ceiling. Her hands gently caressed Maura's legs underneath the blanket. It was something that she just did automatically. She really gave it no thought whatsoever. She knew Maura loved it when she did do it.

"What are you thinking about?" Maura asked.

Jane's hands moved down to her feet and started massaging Maura's arches. She knew that after a long week walking in those fabulous heels, her arches were crying out for relief. She pressed her thumbs into the first arch, applying just enough pressure to release the tension. She glanced over at Maura and smiled, seeing her close her eyes just briefly because it felt so good. It was Maura's favorite and Jane knew that.

"Just thinking about how quickly life can change, you know."

Maura nodded. "Yes, I know."

Jane gazed into Maura's eyes, but didn't say anything. Maura resisted the urge to caress her face. She didn't want her to think she was trying to take advantage.

"I'm glad I'm here with you, Maur."

"I'm glad you're here too."

Jane's eyes moved back to the ceiling. "I need to find a place to stay though."

Maura hadn't even considered that. "You're more than welcome to stay here as long as you need to, Jane."

"Thanks." Jane whispered.

"I mean that."

"I know. I just feel a little displaced right now. Homeless."

Maura couldn't really understand what Jane could be feeling right now. She'd never lived with anyone outside of a roommate. She knew that breaking up with Natalie and moving out must have left any incredible hole in her heart.

"I'm sorry." That was all she could think to say. She wished she had some experience with this so she could offer some sort of advice.

"Thanks. It's okay. I knew better than to get rid of my place." Jane laughed and glanced over at Maura. "Anyways, enough of that." Jane took the other foot and began massaging it as well. She put more pressure on this one. The right foot. Because Maura led with that foot. She leaned on it more when she was working. And she always bounced it when she was nervous.

She pressed both of her thumbs into her right arch, Maura inhaled sharply and frowned a bit.

"This one is really tight I see." Jane said.

Maura nodded and bit her bottom lip softly. "I didn't realize how much until you touched it."

Jane applied a little more pressure. "Does that hurt?"

"Yes, a bit."

"I'm sorry, it just needs a little more pressure." She readjusted herself so she could angle her hands differently. She applied even more pressure to Maura's stubborn arch.

She sucked in her breath and held it. Jane always knew exactly which spot to hit in order to relax her aching muscles. Jane stared at her, gauging how long to hold the pressure there, and when to release it. Finally, she released it.

Maura exhaled deeply, thankful that it was over. Jane took her foot and stretched out her toes, moving them back and forth, increasing their range of motion. "There. Does that feel better?"

Maura moved her foot around and around. And it felt better. "Yes, actually it does."

"When was the last time you had a foot massage?" Jane asked.

"I can't remember. I think you were the last one."

"Really?"

"Yes." Maura lifted her legs off of Jane and sat up on the couch. "Thank you."

"Anytime, Maur." Jane stretched and glanced back down at her watch. "I think I'm going to go to bed."

Maura patted her on the thigh. "That's good. You need your rest. Do you need me to bring you fresh towels or linens?"

"No, but thanks. I know where to find everything."

"Alright." Maura said rising from her seat. "Goodnight, Jane."

"Night."

Maura went to pick up the empty bowl of popcorn but Jane caught her arm. She turned and looked at her. Jane tugged her back towards her and motioned for her to sit down. She sat.

"Is there something else you want?" She asked.

Jane took her hand and sighed. "I just wanted to say something."

"Okay."

"I wanted to say that I am so sorry for how I spoke to you earlier today."

"Aww, Jane. You don't need to apologize. I understand. It was a misunderstanding."

"No. Please listen to me."

"Okay."

"I know my actions may have led you to believe that I was wanting you sexually, but it wasn't like that at all."

Maura swallowed hard and nodded.

"When I kissed you, I did it because at that moment, I needed to feel that type of closeness with you, because you always calm me down. And I needed that."

"I'm glad you I was able to help."

"But in the car, I panicked because I thought you saw me as some sex-crazed maniac."

"I would never think of you that way."

"I was thinking that maybe you interpreted my rants that way and you assumed that among other things, I wanted to make love to you. And I didn't want you to feel pressure like that. Pressure to be someone who you are not."

"I see."

"I've been into women since we met, Maur."

"I know."

"And all those years, I watched to see if you would give off any clues of rather or not you liked women but you never did."

Maura laughed lightly. "That's because I don't like women –" she squeezed Jane's hand. "But… I love _you._"

"Aww, Maur." That had to be the nicest, sweetest thing she'd heard in a very long time. She took Maura into her arms and hugged her tightly. "I love you too." Jane sighed and buried her face into the crook of Maura's neck.

Maura resisted the urge to run her fingers through Jane's hair. That's what got her in trouble before, but she did hold Jane extremely close and extremely tight. Eventually Jane pulled away and gazed again into her eyes. Jane swallowed hard and smiled at her.

Maura smiled back.

"May I be honest with you, Jane?"

"Yes, please."

"If you come to me one day and tell me you want to make love to me, I would give myself to you without hesitation. Without questions. Completely."

Jane shuddered. "Oh my god." She whispered.

"If I could do it right now, I would, but it's not the right time for either one of us. We need time to heal."

Jane nodded briskly and touched her forehead against Maura's. "Yeah, I know."

"But I want you to be very confident in the fact that I will always be here for you."

"Thank you, Maur."

"And rest assured that I don't think you're any kind of a sex maniac. You're my best friend, Jane. I know you. I know every little thing about you. I knew when you were ranting, that it wasn't you, but most importantly, I knew what you meant."

"I do need you. More than you realize."

"I need you too, Jane."

Jane pulled her in close again for a tight hug. "God, you're so good to me." She whispered into her ear. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Maura sighed contently and kissed the side of her head. "You should go get some rest."

Jane nodded and pulled away. "You're right. I'm beat." She detached from Maura's arms and stood up. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"No."

"Okay. I was thinking of maybe getting out of the house."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Not sure. Anything."

Maura nodded grabbed the popcorn bowl and empty glasses and headed for the kitchen. She put everything in their respective places and came back around towards the living room. Jane was sitting on the arm of the couch, watching her.

She'd been under Jane's scrutiny before, many times throughout the years; but tonight, it was different. Her dark eyes watched her every move, her every step – her every thought. Goosebumps, prickled her skin. She tried to pretend that she didn't see her watching her, but the pull was too great. She locked gazes with Jane and her heart instantly forced a smile to cross her face.

Jane smiled at her and said nothing as she approached her. She came and stood beside her, touching her lightly on the arm.

"Are you okay?"

Jane nodded. "Yes."

"Alright." She touched her lightly on the cheek, her thumb caressing her cheekbones slowly.

She reached up and took Maura's hand and placed a tender kiss on her palm.

"Good night, Maur." She said standing up.

"Goodnight, Jane."

With a simple nod, Jane turned off down the hallway and disappeared into the guest room. Maura stood there for another minute before she flipped off the lights and retired for the night.

* * *

Thanks for your reviews, follows, and patience. Rizzles is endgame, but I want to treat them fairly in getting there. Some want them together in bed right now, but that wouldn't be fair. I'll warn you ahead of time for those who are looking for hot rizzles. I will do my best writing those scenes, but I'm no expert in writing lovemaking scenes. But I will do my best.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Maura turned the stove off and looked at all she had made for breakfast. She couldn't go wrong with pancakes, bacon, eggs, and coffee. Jane always loved that all American combination. She knew that would never change. She could hear her stirring around in the guest room. She would be heading for the shower in a few minutes; the smell of the coffee would eventually bring her to the kitchen.

She woke in the middle of the night to the sound of Jane pacing the floor downstairs. She was in the kitchen mostly, probably snacking on junk food. And then she paced, seemingly aimlessly for almost a half hour. She was talking in a hushed whisper. At first Maura thought she was on the phone talking with someone, but then she realized that she was talking to herself. She kept calling herself an idiot. The more Maura listened to her, the more her heart ached for her. She was in emotional pain. Although Maura couldn't catch a lot of what she was saying to herself, she did hear a sentence loud and clear. Jane had said: "You're an idiot for believing it could work with her."

Maura knew who she was speaking of. That moron Natalie.

She rarely used colorful words to describe another human being, but Natalie earned that title. She was lucky enough to catch Jane's attention and affection and then she tossed it all away. Jane was faithful, and she was honest hearted. Maura could imagine that life with Jane was full of love, excitement, and happiness. Just seeing how Jane as her best friend, went out of her way to make her happy, made her wonder what a committed relationship with her was like…

Maura sighed and sipped her coffee. She sat down at the island and reached for her iPad. A notification from Jane's Instagram account popped up. _"VanillaRizz just posted for the first time in a while…"_

Jane rarely posts on Instagram. She likes occasionally, but overall, she just lurks and stalks. Maura laughed at her own thoughts and clicked on the notification.

"Aww." She said quietly.

It was a picture of Angela, Jane, and herself. Taken about a year and a half ago during Thanksgiving dinner. It was Jane's favorite. Jane was in the middle and Maura was to her left and Angela to her right. The caption read: _I was blessed with two best friends. RIP Ma. I love you forever._

Maura double tapped. She was the first to like the photo, but certainly not the last. She closed the app and went and poured her another cup of coffee. She sipped it quietly. Although she entered silently and almost stealth-like, Maura could tell that Jane was now sharing the same space with her.

She didn't turn around right away, she just stood there pretending as if she didn't know she was there. Jane said nothing. Maura could feel her eyes penetrating her back. So much so, she felt impelled to turn around.

Jane cleared her throat softly and Maura turned slowly and smiled at her.

"Good morning." Maura said.

"Good morning." Jane said taking a seat at the island.

"Are you hungry?"

She nodded and yawned. "But first coffee."

Maura reached for a cup out of the cupboard and placed it on the countertop. She moved out of the way for Jane to make the coffee herself. She wanted to do it, but she didn't want Jane to think that she was mothering her or trying to do things that Natalie usually did for her.

"Help yourself." She gestured towards the coffee maker.

Jane hopped up from her seat and came over. "Thanks. This smells great." She poured herself a tall cup and sipped it slowly. "Mmm. Heavenly."

Maura patted her on the arm and reached for the plates. "What would you like to eat?"

"What did you make?"

"All of our favorites of course." She grabbed a couple of pancakes and placed them on her plate. She also plated the eggs and bacon and handed her the dish.

"This looks delicious."

"Um hmm," Maura said while stuffing a piece of bacon into her mouth.

"Make your plate and sit with me." Jane said softly.

Maura fixed her a plate of food and sat down opposite of Jane at the island. Jane was eating quietly when she took her seat.

"How did you sleep last night?" Maura asked.

Jane shrugged. "I slept okay for the most part. I woke up around one and had a snack."

Maura smiled. "You didn't overdo it this time, did you?"

"Nope."

"Good. I'd hate for you to have gastrointestinal issues because of your overindulgence."

"Uh huh." Jane said stuffing her face with a forkful of eggs. "My guts can handle it just fine."

"Remember the last time you overindulged and you were constipated for days."

Jane dropped her fork, her eyes widened with surprise. "Really, Maur. I mean really?"

Maura laughed and sipped her coffee. "I'm just being cognizant of your health."

Jane rolled her eyes at her. "Thank you for caring about my health, but I eat what I damn well please."

"Yes ma'am." Maura said quietly. She picked at her food, eating slowly. A period of silence followed. "But don't come crying to me when you can't go." She peeked at Jane over the rim of her coffee cup. Her eyebrow arching slightly. She got in the last word…

She cut her eyes over to Maura and smiled. She laughed softly and continued eating her food. She was going to let her have the last word.

And they ate together until they both got done. Jane cleared the plates and washed them in the sink. She busied herself, not speaking much on any particular topic. Maura had tried to engage her in conversation, but it proved to be useless. Jane wasn't ready to talk about anything yet. She just answered every question dryly.

* * *

After she was done washing dishes, she joined Maura on the couch. Maura was reading a book on her iPad.

"What are you reading?"

"Recipes."

"Oh. What are you learning to cook now?"

"Thai."

"Sounds delicious."

"Some of these recipes are very simple to make."

"Says the expert chef. It takes me hours to cook anything."

Maura sighed lightly. "I definitely want to teach you a few more recipes before you get a new place."

"Why? So I'll be able to take care of myself?"

"Not only that, but you can also cook for me as well."

"Sounds like a plan." Jane took out her phone and started scrolling through pictures. Seemed like she had a million photos in her phone. She was coming up closely behind Maura who had close to a gazillion photos on both her phone and on the iCloud.

Maura glanced over and noticed Jane was eyeing one particular photo of herself and Natalie. She then swiped past it and then came back to it.

"Are you okay?" Maura asked. She knew her question would be an intrusion into Jane's thoughts but she wanted to be sure she was okay. Natalie's infidelity had really done a number on Jane's self-esteem.

"Yeah. Just thinking about her."

"Oh? What about her?"

"I wonder if she really loved me like she claimed. Or if it was all a façade from the beginning."

"I don't know her as well as you do, obviously, but I do believe that she did love you. You two were together a long time and did many things together that happy couples do. From the outside looking in, it seemed that she was happy with you and you with her."

"I thought so too."

"Did anything happen leading up to when she started cheating? Like anything significant other than her working so much?"

Jane sat back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. "Let me think on that for a minute."

Maura patted her on the shoulder. "Take your time."

And Jane did just that. For ten minutes straight, she sat in silence, staring at the ceiling. Her mind must have traveled back and replayed months, and weeks, and days, and hours, and seconds before she came upon something substantial.

"Maybe six months in, she started talking about wanting a baby."

"A baby? Wow."

"Yeah, that's what I said. I told her there was no way a baby was a good idea. I mean I work too much and she's got her own practice."

Maura nodded.

"It was right after I gave her my commitment ring. She already knew that I planned on being with her for a very long time. I didn't see an end in sight. But I guess she was ready to up it a notch and I wasn't."

"Up it a notch?"

"Yeah, like have a kid together. I mean, don't get me wrong, Maur, I like kids and all, but I just didn't want what she wanted at that moment. I told her that I loved her and would literally do anything for her, but I couldn't get on board with a baby so soon."

"How did she take that?"

"Hard. I guess."

"I see."

"She cried. Which is something she always did to get her way. But there was no way in hell I was budging on this one."

"That's understandable. A child is a huge and lifelong responsibility."

"Who are you telling?"

They shared a laugh and then Jane sighed deeply. "I didn't realize she really wanted this baby until she kept asking me. And then she brought home some pamphlets about IVF and told me that all we needed was a sperm donor."

"Oh dear."

"I was shocked. I didn't know how to handle it or her. And then she started trying to persuade me with, you know."

Maura nodded. She smiled on the inside. Slowly but surely Jane was returning to herself. She was currently speaking through her usual filter, choosing her words very carefully.

"But I continued to tell her that I did not want a baby anytime soon. And that we were still kinda new and everything would be ruined with a kid." Jane ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "I guess I shouldn't have said it the way I did, but she upset me. I didn't mean to imply that the baby that she really wanted with me would ruin our relationship."

"I understand."

"But she took it really hard. Apparently, I hurt her feelings so much that about a month or so later, she starts working later, longer, coming home going straight to bed, ignoring me, getting up early, going to work. It was an endless cycle."

"I'm sorry, Jane. I know that had to be hard."

"Yes, it was. I missed her. I missed what we had before my big mouth got in the way."

"You had every right to express your feelings. That's a huge decision for a couple to make and both need to be in agreeance."

"Then we transitioned into the week long 12-hour shifts and the rest is history."

"I'm sorry."

"Thanks me too." She glanced back down at her phone and started selecting photos in her gallery.

"What are you doing?" Maura said glancing over.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"Deleting pics, but are you sure you want to do that?"

"I'm very sure. It's no secret that I loved that woman, but she hurt me real bad, Maura."

"I know."

"And just seeing pictures of her or anything that reminds me of her, makes the pain come back. And I'm trying my best to get passed it."

Maura said nothing else and watched as Jane selected one picture of Natalie after another and deleted them from her phone. She kept a few, two or three that obviously had special meaning for her.

"I'll delete these later."

"Sure." Maura said softly and touched her leg.

After she'd deleted the photos, she placed her phone down on the table and grabbed the remote. She flipped on the TV and started streaming an episode of Orphan Black. Jane usually watched this show alone, because it wasn't Natalie's kind of show, but she gave no thought to watching it with Maura.

Maura would never verbally complain even if a show that Jane liked wasn't her taste. She'd just watch it and bring out plot holes and inconsistencies later. Jane appreciated that about her. She appreciated it more than Maura probably realized.

Halfway through the second episode, Jane pointed to the screen. "Okay, so I know you probably don't like this show, but I really do, and I love these two. They are by far the best couple I've seen paired up in a while."

"They're a couple?"

"Yeah. You'll see in the next episode. I've already watched this entire series."

"So, why are you watching it again."

"Vegging feels so good right now, Maur."

"Then vegging we will do!"

Jane laughed and scooted a bit closer to her. "Their on-screen chemistry is amazing."

"What makes it so amazing?"

"I don't know. I mean, you know they're acting, but these two have so much passion for each other, whether they are talking or are in bed."

Maura glanced over at the TV and nodded.

"I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable by talking about that?"

"No not at all."

"Okay good. Overall, I just like the pairing of those two actresses. They really get into their characters and play very well together."

"That's great you have favorites. Maybe I'll find a favorite too."

"I already know who you'll like?"

"Oh really, who?"

"The evil scientist clone. Her name is Sarah."

Maura laughed. "Oh really?"

"Yeah. Really." Jane just smiled at her and toyed with the fringes on the blanket that was draped over Maura's legs.

Maura turned her attention back to the tv. She was unwilling to gaze into Jane's eyes any longer than she had to. Apparently, Jane had changed her mind about going out today, because one episode after another, she continued to watch her show. After a very heated on-screen make out session between Jane's favorite pair was over, Maura had to get up for a bottle of water.

She brought Jane a bottle and sat back down beside her.

"You're right, their chemistry is incredible. You would think they were actually a real couple." Maura said. She sipped slowly on her bottle.

"Yeah. It only gets better over the next couple of seasons. Unbelievably better."

"I can't imagine it getting better than that."

Jane laughed at her comment and took a sip of her water. "I'm not going to ruin anything for you, just in case you want to watch the rest of the series, but these two really make you appreciate the ones you have in your life."

"Yeah." Maura said quietly.

Jane looked her way and she was gazing at the TV. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"I shouldn't say." She said softly and took another sip. "Are you getting hungry?"

"Sort of, but what were you thinking?"

Maura sighed. "I was thinking about you?"

"What about me?"

"How much I appreciate having you in my life."

"Really?"

"Yes. And I want to do so much to help you through this, but I don't know what to do. You are the longest lasting friendship that I've ever had and every year there are new things that pop up to make me appreciate you more."

"That's so sweet, Maur." Jane took her hand and squeezed it lightly. "Just be yourself. That's all I need. Just be the same solid best friend that you've always been for me."

"Is that all you need me to be?"

"Yes, for now." Jane looked into her eyes, but Maura was reluctant to look in hers. She just gazed off at the TV screen. Jane touched her chin and turned her gaze towards her.

"What's wrong?" She asked her.

"Nothing."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Not at all." Maura said softly and sighed. "I just have a lot on my mind right now and I'm not sure how to deal with it.

"You know you can talk to me about anything."

"I know, but for now, it's best that I don't. But I will soon, I promise."

Jane studied her. Studied the way her mouth crinkled up in a forced smile. The way her eyes twinkled. The way she tried her best to keep her eyes focused on Jane's. Jane knew something was bothering Maura, but she couldn't force her to talk.

"Alright." She said softly and patted her leg. "I think I wanna get out of the house now. Where's a good place to go on a Friday afternoon?"

"Shopping of course."

"How did I know you were going to say that?"

Maura flipped off the TV stood up quickly. "Retail therapy is the best, don't you think?"

"I must admit, I do like shopping." Jane laughed.

Maura reached out for Jane's hand. Jane hesitated briefly before taking Maura's hand. She clasped it tightly at first, then laced their fingers together and pulled her closer. Maura smiled at the devilish expression on Jane's face. It was one that she'd grown accustomed to seeing over the years. It was always a prelude to a humorous remark.

But she didn't say anything. She just squeezed her tighter before pulling away from her. She walked over to the door and grabbed Maura's keys.

"Ready?" Jane asked.

"I'm always ready to shop." Maura teased.

Jane tipped her head towards her and waited for her to come over. Jane watched her as she approached, something that she did thousands of time over the years, but just recently it became unnerving. Not that it was a bad thing. But Maura became nervous when she was under Jane's microscope.

A few minutes ago when Jane asked what she was thinking, she declined to disclose it because she had been thinking about Jane's kiss. She tried not to think about it, but it continued to forcefully invade her thoughts. It was the first time that she'd ever kissed a woman.

And she liked it...


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Jane took the yet another bag and strapped it onto her wrist. This had to be the last shop they would visit. They'd already been shopping for nearly four hours, just browsing, trying on stuff, and purchasing small items. Jane was in fact, very content at the moment. There was nothing on her mind except shopping, Maura, and what she was going to do next. She was hungry and she knew Maura had to be too. It'd been hours since breakfast and they only thing they'd had was a few samples of chocolates that the ladies from the Chocolatier's shop handed out as they passed by.

Maura touched her arm lightly and motioned towards the door. They walked out of the shop and Jane instantly headed towards where she smelled food, but Maura pulled her in the other direction.

"Aww, come on, Maur. I'm starving." She whined.

"Please. One more store?"

"Which one."

"Victoria's Secret."

"No way."

"Why not?"

"I have plenty of underwear."

"Not for you. For me, silly."

"And you have even more than I do."

Maura sighed and playfully pouted a bit. "Please?"

"Don't even start that or I'm leaving you here."

"Start what?"

"That pouting crap you always do. It's not gonna work on me."

"Oh." Maura gazed down at the floor and then moved away from her. "Alright then."

"Aren't you hungry yet?"

"Yes, actually I am."

"Good. So let's go eat." Jane said walking off towards the restaurants. She had walked about five steps before she realized that Maura wasn't beside her. She turned and looked at her. A confused expression was painted so vividly across her face.

Maura just smiled at her.

"Aren't you coming?" Jane asked.

"Yes. I'll meet you there. I'm just going to go and purchase a few more items and then I'll join you."

"But?"

"It's quite alright. I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do, so I'll join you shortly. Just make sure you text me and tell me which restaurant you're dining at.

Jane took a few steps back towards her. "Really, Maura?" She arched her eyebrow, closing the distance even more between them. "I see you're trying something new."

"I don't know what you mean."

"I want to go eat and you want to go buy underwear."

"Well, yes. What's the problem?"

"The problem is I can't be in two places at one time."

"I understand this that's why I offered to go alone."

Jane sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "You know what? I don't want to go to the restaurant by myself so I'll go with you to buy your panties."

Maura chuckled. "Jane, it's really okay. It won't take me long at all. I already know what I want, I'll just run in and—"

"No." Jane interrupted her and placed her free hand on the small of her back. "We will go together." She stared at Maura.

And Maura stared at her. Eventually Maura nodded. "Okay. I promise it won't take me long."

"Lead the way."

Maura happily led the way, the entire time a smile creased her face. Jane glanced over at her periodically and rolled her eyes.

"This, whatever you just did, won't work on me next time. You just caught me off guard."

Maura laughed and nudged her with her elbow. "I don't know what you mean, Jane."

"Yeah right, and my middle name isn't Clementine."

They literally laughed the whole way to the shop. It felt so good. Laughing together over something silly. Laughter was good medicine for them both.

As promised, Maura dipped in and out of Victoria's Secret in 10 minutes flat. Jane barely saw what she purchased but she was almost certain that it was a few pair of underwear and bras that she probably didn't need. There was room enough for one more bag on her arm. Maura slipped it onto her wrist and smiled contentedly.

"My, we purchased a lot of stuff!"

"Most of this is yours."

"I think we have an equal number of bags."

"No. Most of it is yours."

Maura shrugged and walked with Jane in the direction of the restaurant.

"Can we go eat now?"

"Absolutely. What did you have a taste for?"

"Anything right about now."

When Maura looked up, she saw a new dining spot that she'd heard Susie raving about. It was called, Thai Me Up. "Let's check out that place." She pointed up ahead.

"Thai Me Up? Really?"

"I like the name. I think it's catchy."

"Alrighty then. Thai Me up it is." They walked in and was immediately impressed with the atmosphere.

The lightly was low, there wasn't many people dining, and nice instrumental oriental music played in the background. They were greeted and seated in a booth in the corner by the window.

Jane placed the bags under the table and reached for the menu. She so happened to have looked across the table at Maura, and the way the light hit her face, made her look almost angelic in appearance. Maura looked up and smiled at her.

"This is okay, right? We can eat somewhere else if you want."

Jane shook her head slowly, "No, no. This is okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." She forced her eyes away from Maura and down onto her menu. She scanned over the choices and found an appetizer she wanted to start out with. She was so hungry she would eat a whole proverbial cow if it were on the menu.

They placed their food orders and sat silently.

"How's today in comparison to the other previous days?"

Jane clasped her hands together. "Better." She gazed at her. Her eyes were so warm and caring. Jane always knew why, but she remembered now why she found so much comfort in Maura's eyes. Whenever she looked at her, she felt safe. Completely safe.

"I'm glad."

"I know Ma would want me to go on, you know. I know she'd want us to keep on doing the things we did when she was alive."

"I agree."

"And I don't want to let her down by being absorbed in my own miseries."

Maura reached over and covered Jane's hands with her own. "I'm so proud of you, Jane."

"Thanks, Maur." She whispered. "I'm trying."

Maura was about to say something in response when something caught her attention in the window. The window faced the center point of the mall, a place where patrons could come and sit on the benches and chairs and relax by a beautiful flowing fountain. At first, she didn't think she was seeing who she thought she was seeing but when Jane fixed her eyes on the same subject, she knew beyond a doubt that it was her.

Jane said nothing when she recognized Natalie sitting on a bench by the fountain. She said nothing when a gentleman (a very nice-looking man) came and sat down beside her; resting his hand on her thigh. She said nothing while he leaned in closer to her. But she gasped loudly when he touched his lips against hers, giving her a too-passionate-for-the-public kiss. Her hands balled into tight fists when she witnessed Natalie pull away and laugh like a little school girl.

After some time, Jane glanced back over at Maura to see her eyes glued to her wineglass. She'd momentarily been so lost in the scene that she wasn't even aware that Maura had retracted her hands from hers.

"Do you want to leave?" Maura asked without looking up from her glass.

"No, I don't."

"Alright."

"Maur?"

She looked up at her.

"I'm sorry. I was just shocked." She reached back over the table held her hands out for her.

Maura sighed lightly and took a firm hold of Jane's hands, squeezing them tightly.

"Thank you for taking me shopping and having lunch with me."

"Well, those are my two favorite things to do with my best friend."

"Me too." Jane said gently. "Me too."

The waiter returned with their food. Jane never glanced back out of the window for as long as they sat there eating. She'd seen enough. She knew the story. Her gentleman friend was one of the same ones that came to dinner that night before Ma's accident. She connected the dots. The form fitting dress that Natalie looked so absolutely stunning in wasn't for her. It was for him. And she also figured that he was none other than LW in the flesh.

Initially seeing them kissing and Natalie's girlish reaction, left Jane's stomach in knots. But then she realized that she didn't need to feel that way. The deception had been exposed. She was no longer in the dark. She was free of someone who did not love her in return. Natalie's gig was up.

For the most part, she and Maura chatted about police stuff and morgue stuff the entire time. Those topics were safe. It felt like old times. In the safety of Maura company, never fearing rejection or reproof. Maura was such a beautiful person inside and out. Jane couldn't help but watch her as she talked. She was loyal.

As if she could read Jane's thoughts, Maura's cheeks blushed a lighter shade of rose when she noticed the intensity of Jane's stare. She cleared her throat softly and finished off the remaining portion of her wine. She reached for her card, only to have her hand stilled by Jane.

"Lunch is on me." Jane said throwing enough cash on the table to cover the meal and gratuity. "Only if you promise to cook us a nice dinner tonight."

"I certainly will!"

"You ready to get out of here?" Jane asked.

"Absolutely. I guess we'll go home since you don't have any more space on your arm for our bags."

It was then that Jane glanced out of the window. Thankfully she was gone. She slid out of the booth and grabbed the bags. She reached for Maura's hand. Without hesitation, Maura took it and pulled herself out of the booth.

"Lead the way, Doc."

Jane couldn't wait to get home and off of her feet. Maura had walked her to death today, but she didn't have one complaint about it. It was better than sitting at home crying over her losses. Everyday got better. Everyday she got stronger. She was glad that she saw Natalie and LW today. It validated somethings she'd been feeling in her heart.

She was hurt. She had been done wrong.

But she was also a fighter. And she refused to let this break her.

* * *

Thanks for reading and following. This will be a semi-slow burn. After the next chapter, I plan to fast forward a few months, to propel the story a little bit. The last two updates were meant to show how Jane and Maura are thinking/feeling towards one another. Dialogue is everything to me. thanks for your follows and reviews. Please PM me or review your thoughts so far. I read them all


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

As promised, Maura made an excellent dinner this evening. She made braised lamb with polenta and twice reduced strawberry rhubarb sauce. Jane hadn't ever tasted something so delicious in all of her years on the Earth. Or it seemed. The moment Maura gave her a taste of the meal on her fork, Jane's taste buds hummed with delight. Maura had lost count of how many times Jane uttered the words: "Oh my god, Maur, this is so good."

Now Jane sat next to her on the couch, rubbing her stuffed belly. She looked utterly satisfied. There was more than one way to Jane's heart.

Maura smiled at her own thoughts. "Would you like a beer?"

"I don't have room for anything else." Jane laughed.

"I take that as a compliment."

"Man, I love your cooking, Maur." Jane tossed her head back on the couch and sighed deeply. "You spoil me."

"I try." Maura said softly.

Jane opened one eye and glanced over at her. A slight smile creased her face before she closed both eyes again. She reached for Maura's feet and pulled them over her lap. She held them close and secure against her.

"What would you like to do now?" Maura asked.

"What time is it?"

"Quarter of nine."

"Is it too late to stream a few episodes?"

"Not at all. What would you like to watch?"

Jane thought on it for a moment. "You know what. Can we watch a movie?"

"Sure. Which one?"

"There's this movie that I started watching on Youtube, and I found it on one of those apps." Jane said grabbing Maura's remote and surfing through the available apps. "Awesome, you have it."

"What's the movie called?"

"I don't want to tell you anything about it. Because I don't want you to form an opinion about it before you watch it. So, can you just watch it with me and tell me what you think afterwards?"

Maura looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "No horrors, please. I would like to sleep tonight."

"I promise it's not horror. It's a very nice heartwarming story."

"Well…" She said hesitantly, "Okay. I'll watch it. But I reserve the right to walk away from it if it's too much for me."

Jane smiled. She'd stated her rights, but Maura wouldn't exercise them, especially if it was a movie that Jane wanted to watch. Little things like that made Maura very special in her eyes.

"Sure thing." Jane pointed to the blanket nestled behind Maura's head. Maura grabbed it and threw it over them.

"Do we need popcorn?"

"I'm stuffed!"

"Oh, that's right, sorry."

"Oink, Oink." Jane snorted.

Maura laughed and nudged her with her arm. When Jane found the movie, she started it…

Two hours later, Maura was in tears. The movie was a beautiful tale of bonding, love, longing, and loss. It was exciting, enlightening, and heartbreaking all in the same. The ending left her speechless. It had touched a part of her she didn't even know existed.

From the beginning, she identified with Rose; brilliant, reserved, uncertain. In her eyes, Jane was Louise; the one who'd come along and changed Rose's life forever. Forever altering her heart, forcing her to see life and love in a different way.

They had gotten to a part of the movie that caused Maura to cry. Jane reached over and touched her shoulder. Maura immediately changed positions and leaned onto Jane's shoulder and continued watching. Jane embraced her, and held her through a scene that tore at their hearts. Jane cried too; sitting there holding Maura, but her tears were silent. She would be the stronger one tonight. Even if it was just for a movie. She wanted to be the stronger one.

"Oh no…" Maura whispered and clenched Jane's shirt tightly.

"I know." Jane said and kissed the top of her head. And she did know the exact feelings that Maura felt at that moment. Because she felt them too. She kissed her again and pulled her closer. Her heart at that moment wanted nothing more than to just sit here with her, just like this. All night. Jane knew herself pretty well. She knew which direction her heart wanted to go. She just didn't want to rush getting there.

Maura sat up and reached for the Kleenex on the table. She blew her nose a couple of times and sipped on her wine. She gathered herself together and finished watching the rest of the movie sitting up next to Jane. Jane continued to caress the small of her back as she watched too.

The end of the movie came and Jane exited out of the app.

"What did you think?" She asked quietly.

Maura laughed lightly. "Honestly, I didn't expect it to be as good as it was. It was very touching."

Jane sat up and put her arm around her. "I had no idea it would make you cry like that. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. It was a beautiful movie. Some parts touched me deeper than others."

"Yeah, me too."

"I guess what made it so touching was, I identified with Rose."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Yeah she played that part really good."

"And with the Louise character, I thought of you."

"Me?" Jane asked.

"Yes. She reminds me of you. No so much her silliness, because you are very silly."

"Hey, what can I say." Jane batted her brows playfully.

Maura laughed softly and sighed. "But it was the way she changed Rose's repetitive, dull life, and gave her excitement and something to look forward to."

Jane smiled and squeezed Maura's shoulder.

"You did that for me. Before you, I just existed. But now, I am really living."

"Aww, Maura."

"And I like that feeling. When you started dating, I felt lost, because I didn't have what we use to have anymore. I didn't have this," she waved her hand over the table and towards the TV. "And it scared me because I didn't want to go back to the way I used to feel before you."

Jane reached up and caressed her face, "Oh, Maur. I had no idea you felt that way."

"I should have communicated."

"I am so sorry that I cancelled so many times when I first started dating."

"I truly understand. That's why I told you to just concentrate on her, because I wasn't that important."

"Don't say that. You've always been important to me. You are the single most important person in my life right now, Maur."

"Thank you." She whispered.

Jane leaned forward and pressed her lips against her forehead. She felt Maura shiver slightly and she leaned into the forehead kiss.

"Promise me something, Jane."

"Anything."

"In the future when you find another partner, please reserve a part of your life for me and for us. Let's not allow anything to change what we have. Please."

Jane turned her face towards hers so she could look into her eyes. Maura's eyes exuded conviction like she's seen nowhere else before. This was Maura's heart speaking to her. Not her science brain, but her heart which she didn't allow to speak very often.

Maura's beautiful eyes looked up into her. They seemed to be on fire with an emotion that Jane couldn't quite place. She stroked her cheekbone with her thumb and slowly shook her head.

"I don't want anyone else, Maura." She whispered.

Maura's eyes began to twinkle with tears rising up, but they stayed fixed on Jane's. "You need someone to love. That's who you are."

Jane nodded. "Right now, I have everything I need and want…right here." The last part was barely audible, but Maura's ears caught it.

"Me too."

Jane sighed deeply and embraced her. After some time, Maura pulled away and caressed her face. Jane didn't say a word while Maura made a map of her face. Her hand trembled a bit which made Jane want to cover it with her own. Jane smiled at her when Maura's eyes finally made their way back to hers. She'd been gazing at her lips.

"I'm sorry." Maura said, retracting her hand.

"For what?"

"I don't know what's gotten into me."

"It was a good movie." Jane fell back on her humor.

Maura smiled and tossed the blanket away from her. She stood up slowly. Jane took her hand and squeezed it. "Where are you going?" Jane asked.

"I was thinking of going to bed. Unless you wanted to do something else?"

The question hung in the air above them. Jane knew Maura well.

And that was an invitation.

Jane swallowed hard. She was sure Maura noticed it from her vantage point. She pulled her closer and hugged her. She sighed contentedly at the feeling of her head being pulled into the security of Maura's breasts. It felt so good.

Maura also sighed just as heavily when Jane's hands wrapped around her, fingers gliding slowly up and back down her back. Hands resting safely around her waist. She resisted the urge to run her fingers through Jane's hair. She pulled away slightly and looked down into Jane's awaiting eyes. All she had to do was say it. But would she?

"Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight? Like old times?" Maura asked softly.

Jane swallowed hard again and a simple nod was her silent answer.

Maura smiled and pulled away completely. "Alright." She said. "When you finish up down here, come on to bed."

"Okay." Jane whispered.

Maura turned and walked off towards the stairs. She could feel Jane staring at her as she disappeared upstairs.

* * *

Maura hadn't any idea when she had fallen asleep, but it was sometime after climbing into bed and waiting for Jane to come. She waited nearly an hour, that she knew, but she ended up falling asleep reading a book. When she opened her eyes, it was dark in the room. The only light she could see was the light coming from the bathroom. Jane always left the bathroom light on.

She reached for her phone on the nightstand, but an arm wrapped tightly around her waist pulled her closer. Jane was sleeping soundly beside her. Her arm was wrapped around her and tucked under her side. Maura couldn't move if she tried.

She leaned back into her; this solicited a soft sigh from Jane. Maura loved the way it felt having Jane hold her. Jane's grip was as strong as a man's but yet so gentle at the same time. Her touch felt safe. Maura felt secure in her arms. She ran her fingertips up her forearm, cherishing the feel of her soft skin while she glided them along.

Jane stirred in her sleep. Maura stopped touching her. Jane repositioned herself closer, pressing her lips into the back of Maura's neck. Her steady and even breaths sent chills racing to all ends of her body. She quivered.

Maura pressed back against her and relished in the way her body felt against hers. This was new. Her body reacting the way it was now to Jane's body close to hers. They'd shared a bed numerous of times before, but Jane's closeness left something to be longed for. She covered Jane's hand with her own and sighed heavily.

Jane stirred again. This time she pulled her hand from underneath Maura and placed it on her belly. Maura nearly melted on the spot. Her body heat instantly rose. Jane's touch was even softer than she imagined. She swallowed hard and pressed back against Jane, hopefully to encourage her to reposition herself. Because if she stayed this close, Maura would for a certainty spontaneously combust right next to her.

Jane leaned away slightly. Her legs moved a bit. And then she sighed softly.

"Why are you moving so much?" She asked sleepily. "Are you alright?"

Maura wasn't sure if she should answer her. She wondered and hoped that Jane didn't think she was Natalie lying beside her because she wasn't sure if she could tell her no.

When she didn't answer, Jane brought her hand up and caressed her forearm. "I know you're awake. What's wrong?" She asked more clearly.

"It's just hot." Maura answered quietly. She still wasn't sure if Jane was aware that she was in bed with her.

Jane squeezed her arm and rolled away from her. She walked blindly over to the wall outlet and switched on the ceiling fan above them. High speed. Miraculously she made her way back to the bed without bumping into anything.

"Thank you." Maura said.

"You're welcome." Jane said sleepily. She put her arm back around her. Maura reached down and entwined their fingers together. Jane pulled their entwined hands and tucked them underneath Maura again. "Menopause knocking at the door, huh Maur?" Jane whispered and kissed her lightly on the shoulder.

Her fears just flew out of the window. Maura sighed and laughed. Jane knew who she was holding and talking to.

"Maybe." Maura whispered. "Just maybe."

She got comfortable on her pillow and also in Jane's arms and eventually fell in to a deep and satisfying slumber.

* * *

Thank you for following, reviewing, Pming! Next update, will fast for a few months. So be aware and don't be mad. If I could, I would write every single day of their life, but I don't have enough years for that. User Tigtorn78 I like the way you think. Thanks everyone for your thoughtful reviews. Chloe, I'm flattered LOL.

The movie they watched was called "Snapshots"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Four months later…_

* * *

Maura awakened to the sound of Jane rummaging around in the kitchen. She groaned and turned over in the bed. It was 5am. And her day off! Her alarm was set for 5:30. She was going to get up and make breakfast before Jane had to go to work. She closed her eyes again. Perhaps she could possibly catch 20 more minutes of sleep.

A loud crash came from the kitchen. Jane had dropped something. Maura groaned once more and pulled herself out of bed. She wasted no time hopping into the shower and getting ready for the day. Thirty minutes later, she was headed downstairs into the kitchen. When she entered the room, she was surprised to see a meal of scrambled eggs, Canadian bacon, toast and coffee waiting for her. Jane was just finishing up making her own plate when she turned and saw her standing there.

"Good morning." Jane greeted her.

"Good morning. Wow." Maura said while sitting down at the island. "You made breakfast for me?"

"I certainly did. I hope you like it." Jane came over and placed her plate down opposite of Maura and came around to her. She took her into her arms and gave her a tight hug.

"I'm sure I will." She lazily traced the hairs at the base of her neck. "Thank you."

Jane gave her a light peck on the neck and sat down in front of her food. "I was thinking, you know it's been a few months since I moved in next door and you've cooked literally everyday."

"It's not a problem."

"But still. I wanted to show my gratitude, since you don't charge me rent."

Maura shoved a forkful of eggs into her mouth and chewed slowly. "Yet." She winked at her and cut off a piece of bacon and tasted it. Everything was very good. She'd taught her well.

Jane laughed softly and stabbed at her food. She ran her fingers through her hair a couple of times and sighed a few times. It was obvious to Maura that Jane had something on her mind. Lately, Jane had fallen back into the routine of the job. Solving murders was her thing. And she did it well.

Since Jane had moved in next door, they saw a lot of each other, but they still hadn't become intimate. Although there were many of nights where they were close. Jane slept the weekend in Maura's bed and slept the rest of the week in hers. Maura didn't want to push her luck, because well, she had no clue what she would do with Jane once their relationship transitioned over to a sexual one. Not many things struck terror inside of her, but making love for the first time with Jane did. She doubted that she could please her the way that she needed. But she was sure going to try. Some nights she'd lay awake and research different articles about how to start an intimate relationship with your best friend and what the risks were in starting a sexual relationship with your best friend. Most of her research came back to a common denominator. The bond of the best friendship usually stays intact after sex if its strong enough to begin with.

Maura didn't fear the bond weakening, but she feared something else…

"What's on your mind?" She asked Jane.

Jane's eyes fluttered up from her plate. "I have a dentist appointment later."

"Oh, is that today?" Maura said glancing down at her phone. She'd forgotten to add it to her and Jane's shared calendar when Jane told her last month.

"Yep. Sixth month cleaning."

"You're okay about going?"

"Yes. I need my teeth cleaned."

"You know what I mean."

Jane shrugged. "I mean, yeah. Until I find me a new dentist, I have to go to her office."

"Do you think you'll see her there?"

"Maybe. Maybe not. I got a flyer in the mail announcing the opening of a new practice across town."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah. She works quick."

Maura took a sip of her coffee. "I will go with you."

"Alright."

She expected Jane to put up at least a small fuss but she didn't. She just gazed into her eyes and they told her she trusted her more than anyone alive. And she wanted her to come with her.

"What time do you need to be there?"

"Eleven."

"Okay. Would you like me to meet you there?"

"No. I'm coming home first, then we can go together."

"Sounds good." Maura said. She finished off her meal and brought the plate over to the sink. She came back to Jane and placed her hands on her shoulders and massaged her.

"Mmm, that's feels good." Jane said while cracking her neck slightly.

"You carry your tension in your shoulders."

"Really? How'd you guess?"

Maura leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek and hugged her from behind. Jane turned around on the barstool and took Maura into her arms, hugging her tightly.

"I love you." Jane whispered into her ear.

Maura smiled ran her fingers through Jane's hair. "I love you too."

Jane pressed her forehead against Maura's and sighed.

"What's the matter?" Maura asked.

Jane kissed the tip of Maura's nose and sighed again. "I don't want you to overthink this, okay?"

"Overthink what?"

"My appointment and the possibility of seeing her today."

"Why would I overthink it?"

"Because you're Maura Isles. Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."

Maura laughed and gave Jane a light peck on the lips. "Okay, you got me there, Detective Rizzoli."

Jane smiled. She loved seeing her smile. She'd been doing it a lot lately. It made Maura feel great knowing that she was currently happy in the situation they'd created for themselves. Maura would have thought that by now, they would have made love, but she was happy with the pace they were going. It was safe. It was comfortable. And it was leading inevitably to the bedroom. And she was happy with the extra time she received to research. True, Jane wasn't a test subject, but she wanted to be ready. She didn't want her first time to be a disaster.

"I mean it." Jane's voice was soft. "I don't want you to worry about me ever going back to her, because I'm not."

Maura nodded.

"Do you believe me?" Jane tugged her closer. She needed to feel her closeness at the moment. She needed her reassurance.

"Yes. I do."

Jane's eyes cascaded down the front of Maura's body, focusing on the beautiful cleavage that greeted her this morning. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss there. She gazed back up and smiled at the expression on Maura's face.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist." Jane teased.

"I'm glad you couldn't resist."

Jane kissed her softly on the lips. It was more tender than the ones she gave her every morning before they parted for work, and gentler than the ones she gave her when she came home for the night. Maura couldn't decipher this type of kiss. The others she could. The tender kisses in the morning said: "I hope you have a good day." And the gentle kisses in the evening said: "I'm so happy to see you."

She longed to feel the kisses that told her that Jane wanted to take her to bed right away. And make love to her. Maura knows that she told her months ago that at any given time if she asked, she would be ready… And she still meant that.

She found herself staring at Jane and tracing the outline of her beautifully chiseled face. Her features were all her dreams consisted of these days. Everything about Jane became everything she wanted.

"I gotta get going, Maur."

Maura nodded. "Okay. I'll be ready when you get home."

"Okay. See you in a few hours." Jane gave her a customary goodbye kiss and left the house quickly. She left so quickly, she forgot to grab the lunch that Maura made for her.

* * *

Maura had just finished cleaning up the kitchen when the doorbell rang. She glided over to the door and opened it to find her friendly UPS delivery driver standing there.

"Good morning, Jacob!" Maura greeted him.

"Good morning, Dr. Isles." He said tipping his hat. "I have a package for a Jane Rizzoli. Could you sign for it?"

"Certainly." She signed for the package and brought it inside. She sat down on the couch and examined the box. She was curious. She grabbed her phone and texted Jane.

_Maura: Hi Jane._

_Jane: Hey, Maur. _

_Maura: How are you?_

_Jane: Good. Tired already. Wishing I was home with you instead of being here._

_Maura: I wish you were too._

_Jane: What's up?_

_Maura: UPS delivered a package for you._

_Jane: Oh really. I didn't think it would get here so soon._

_Maura: Would you like for me to take it to your place?_

_Jane: Yes. Please. Put it in my bedroom. _

_Maura: Okay._

_Jane: And no snooping through my stuff. You might see something that'll make you blush._ 😊

_Maura: Oooh, that sounds exciting._

_Jane: Stop it. LMAO. I gotta go. Sorry. I'm in the middle of something and I'm trying to finish up and leave._

_Maura: No worries. I love you._

_Jane: I love you too.  
_  
Maura placed her phone on the table and then took the package over to Jane's place. Once she walked in, she knew what she needed to spend her afternoon doing: Cleaning the guest house. Jane wasn't sloppy, just a little disorganized with her life. She had stacks of case files laying on every surface, empty beer bottles formed into a pyramid on the floor, and…

"Aww." Maura cooed when she saw one of her and Jane's newest picture, they'd taken together a couple of weeks ago.

Maura had dragged her out of the house and to the botanical gardens. Jane protested at first, but she ended up liking it a lot. They took a picture in the Japanese gardens on a bridge overlooking a pond. That day was just perfect. Not a lot of people were visiting that particular part of the gardens, so it seemed that they had it all to themselves.

After Jane had loosened up a bit, she held Maura's hand and walked with her. She stopped and gazed out over the pond. Jane wrapped her arm around her and told her to smile for a selfie. Maura happily smiled. She grinned ear to ear actually. Jane had that picture printed out and it was sitting framed on the coffee table.

She made her way to the bedroom and placed the box on Jane's bed. She looked around the room and sighed. Jane's laundry was laying all over the place. She dragged the hamper over by the bed and started tossing the laundry into the hamper. By the time she picked up the last article of clothing, she'd nearly filled the entire basket up. She'd already made it up in her mind that Jane needed to move in with her. She rolled the hamper out of her room and into the laundry room. She started a load of clothes and left out of her place.

* * *

Maura was finishing up an email when Jane came through the front door.

"Hey, I was about to call you."

"Yeah. Korsak needed my help."

"Do we have time to get there?"

"If we leave now."

Maura hopped up and joined Jane at the door.

It took just a few minutes to get to the dentist office. Traffic was light, unusually light for this time of day. When Jane walked in, she was greeted by the front desk staff. They seemed genuinely happy to see her. And they carried on small chit chat while she checked in.

"Yeah, who am I seeing today?"

"You would have been seeing Dr. Hayworth today, but she had a family emergency, so instead you'll be seeing Dr. Fisher."

"Great…" Jane shuffled back over to Maura and sat down beside her. "You heard that?"

"Yes, I did."

"This is going to be fun. I hope she doesn't try to kill me."

Maura laughed and nudged her. "I highly doubt she'll try to murder you. It'll be bad for business."

Jane looked over at her and winked. She leaned closer and had a second thought about what she was planning to do and then she pulled away. Maura was surprised that she almost kissed her right that in the office.

Jane cleared her throat and ran her hand through her hair. Maura reached over and placed a hand on her bouncing knee.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I am. It's just an awkward thing. I definitely need to change providers."

"I'd say so. My dentist is accepting new patients. And since we're practically family, you'll get right in."

"I like the sound of that."

Jane smiled sweetly at her and Maura couldn't help but to get lost in it. Jane said so much to her with just one glance. Maura knew that time was coming and soon.

The door leading off into the examine rooms swung open and out stepped the bitch herself. Both Maura and Jane turned and looked at her. Her eyes narrowed at them as they bounced back and forth between them. She glanced down at the clipboard in her hand (as if she needed to know who was going to be seen).

"You can come on back, Jane." She spoke directly to her. She stepped back and leaned against the doorway.

From her side profile, Jane could see a bump in her belly. An obvious baby bump. Her eyes stayed glued at her stomach for what seemed like hours before she rose from her seat and walked slowly towards her. Natalie waited for Jane to cross over the threshold before allowing the door to close behind them.

"This way." She said, bypassing Jane and leading her down the hallway.

She even walked differently. Like one of those penguins on that Happy Feet movie. She'd put on a few pounds, but it wasn't a terrible amount of weight. Her face was rounder. She took Jane to examine room #5 and motioned for her to come inside. She shut the door behind them.

Jane sat in the chair as instructed and sighed heavily. For the first time in almost 5 months, she felt a twinge in her heart. Natalie worked silently, preparing the utensils to start the cleaning. She covered her mouth with a mask and then attached a bib to Jane's neck.

"How have you been?" She asked Jane. Her voice was muffled from behind the mask.

Jane swallowed hard. She couldn't take her eyes off of her belly which was right next to her head. It felt like she was taunting her.

"Been okay." She forced out.

"That's good." She pulled up a chair and scooted closer to Jane. "Have you had any pain or discomfort since your last cleaning?"

"Not in my teeth."

Natalie met her eyes and shook her head. "It's good to hear you have no dental issues today. Before I get started do you have any concerns?"

Jane looked at her with disbelief. She was just going to act like she didn't have a baby in her stomach.

"You're pregnant?"

Natalie sighed from behind the mask and looked into Jane's eyes. "Yes, I am."

"Congratulations. How far along are you?"

Natalie shook her head slowly. "It's best I get started on your cleaning for the sake of other patients waiting to be seen."

"How far along are you?"

"Six months."

"Wow." That was all Jane could bring herself to say. She knew who's baby it was. And she knew that she'd gotten herself knocked up while they were still together.

Natalie placed jaw rests into Jane's mouth and began her cleaning procedure. She didn't say anything to Jane the entire time while she was cleaning her teeth. No words were needed at all. Nothing had to be said. Jane fought hard to keep her emotions in check. But an old wound had been opened. And the longer she sat there watching her work on her teeth, the more she came to the realization that everything that happened, happened for a reason.

Occasionally Natalie would glance at her and hold her gaze, but the intensity of emotion in Jane's eyes was something that she could not handle. In a matter of minutes, Jane's brain force played a year's worth of memories with her. It was like torture. Seeing her sitting here beside her, smelling the same soft scent she always wore, and seeing those brown eyes that she was once in love with. Torture to know that she wanted a baby so badly, that she stepped outside of the relationship because Jane refused to budge.

Jane felt her heart tremble inside. Natalie glanced back at Jane, this time holding her gaze just a bit longer. She pulled the jaw rests out of Jane's mouth and suctioned it. She raised the chair back up and started cleaning up her tool tray.

"It's a boy." She said quietly.

"Just like you always wanted." Jane stared straight ahead at the wall in front of her. Out of her peripheral, she could see her glance over.

"Yes."

"Congratulations. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

Jane left certain questions unasked, because she already knew the answers. She turned and looked at her. And watched her work slowly at what she was doing. She worked slower than she usually worked, perhaps she was trying to drag out the time. She was generally done working on Jane's mouth. All she had to do was excuse her to go checkout and she could leave.

But she didn't excuse her. She just sat there meticulously taking one instrument at a time and placing it into the utensil cleaning box.

"Does he make you happy?" Jane asked. This was one answer that she needed to know before she walked out today.

She removed her mask. "What?"

"Does Levi make you happy?" She repeated.

Slowly, Natalie nodded. "Yes. Actually, he does. He is very excited about the arrival of _our_ son."

Jane knew that was a personal jab. She had made her bitter when she rejected the idea of having a baby together. And looking back on the last few months, Jane was happy she'd rejected her. Natalie now had the life she wanted. Her practice expanded, a lover who made her happy, and a baby on the way. Jane glanced down at her ring finger. There was a nice size rock on it.

"Congrats on that too. I'm happy you've found happiness." And she meant it too. Jane felt no more love for Natalie. She didn't even feel contempt. Sadness maybe. Sadness of how it turned out and they wasted a whole year in a relationship that was doomed from the beginning. Natalie wanted a particular way of life. One that Jane needed a little more time to get to know her before jumping into something like that.

She is so glad she didn't jump. Her thoughts gravitated towards Maura who was waiting for her in the waiting area. Natalie never responded to Jane's last statement. She just signed her treatment forms and handed her the folder.

"You're good to go until your next cleaning, Jane. Contact the office if you have any problems."

Jane took the folder and slid off of the chair. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. I'll see you next time." She said before disappearing out of the door. Jane heard her knock on the door next to her room and greet another patient.

She sighed deeply and made her way to the checkout station. While she waited for the lady to process her paperwork and payment, she caught a glimpse of Maura sitting in the waiting room. She was doing what she always does when waiting. Reading on her iPad. She looked so calm and peaceful. A slight smile played on the side of her lips. Whatever she was reading was enjoyable to her. Jane smiled to herself. She was the most beautiful woman in the world…

"We have an appointment in six months set up for you, Miss Rizzoli." The front desk girl said.

"There's no need. I'm going to start using a different office."

"Oh, will you be using our new Cambridge location?"

"No. An entirely different practice."

"I see, well we are so sorry to see you go. Whenever you get set up there, just call us for your records, Miss Rizzoli."

"Sure. Thanks." She took one last look around the place. Many of the wall decorations, Natalie purchased and hung herself. The whole place oozed her personality and preferences.

When she entered the waiting area, Maura looked up and smiled at her. She tipped her head, motioning for her to come on so they could leave this place. She couldn't wait to leave. Maura gathered their things and joined her at the front door. Jane took Maura's jacket and held it while she slipped into it. The seasons had just started to change. Jane thought of how fitting it was as a representation of her life. It was a change. A change for the good.

"I am so relieved to see she didn't murder you." Maura whispered.

Jane laughed and ushered her out of the door. Once outside, Maura slipped her arm through Jane's and they walked to the car.

"I see she's expecting."

Jane shoved her hands in her pockets and sighed. "Yep. She certainly is."

"How many months?"

"Six."

Maura nodded and kept silent. She could do the math too, but she wasn't going to talk about it if Jane didn't want to. And she didn't seem to want to. She glanced up at her and Jane turned her gaze towards her. Her eyes were darker than usual, and the way she looked at her made goosebumps rush up her spine.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes a little."

"What do you have a taste for?"

"Something alittle different. Maybe something Irish?"

Maura frowned slightly at her comment. She'd never known Jane to be interested in Irish cuisine. In fact, the last time she tried to introduce her to colcannon and coddle, she turned her nose up at it saying that it: "Looked gross." The only thing she came close to enjoying was boxty, and that was only because she altered the recipe and added bacon to it.

"That sounds good. I have ingredients at the house to whip together a hearty stew or maybe you can give colcannon another try?"

Jane just laughed softly. Her dimples appeared for the first time in months. Maura could tell the laugh came straight from her heart.

"What? What's so funny?"

"Nothing at all, Maur." She opened the door of the car for Maura and waited for her to get in. Once inside she got into the driver's seat and started the ignition. "You know, the stew sounds nice for a chilly day like this."

"Do you need me to pack some so you can take it back to work?"

"Maybe, depends on if I choose to go back."

"Okay." She smiled at Jane again. Jane was toying with the fabric of Maura's jacket. Her eyes scanned over her briefly before they darted down to her lips.

She moved closer. Maura moved closer as well. Their eyes remained locked on each other while they moved in for a kiss that'd been trying to happen all morning. It took only seconds for Jane to lock on to her lips. She sighed into the kiss; Maura's lips were the most satisfying place on the earth.

Maura's heart nearly exploded inside of her chest when Jane's lips gripped hers. Jane's lips were soft like velvet and as sweet as sugar. She gasped when she felt Jane's trembling tongue glide across her top lip. Tremors rippled through her body. She pulled away slightly, because the rush of passion was almost too much to bear, but Jane caught her and pulled her back to her. Jane's hand raced through Maura's hair, gripping her firmly. And there it was again. Jane's strong, but gentle touch.

Maura parted her lips to take a breath, and Jane touched her shy tongue against Maura's equally bashful one. Maura felt like she'd been impaled by a bolt of electricity. She moaned softly and pulled Jane closer. This was the kiss she'd been waiting months for. The kiss which let her know that Jane wants and desires her.

Jane was more in control of herself, while Maura was melting in her hands. Everything about the delivery of this kiss was well thought out and deliberately executed. Jane left no doubt in Maura's mind about whether or not she desired her sexually.

Jane released Maura's lips and trailed her kiss down her chin and to her neck where she placed a firm kiss on her pulse point. Maura literally liquefied on the spot. She let out a moan that shocked even her. Her fingers trembled in Jane's hair as she struggled to keep her composure. Jane moved back to her lips and took them again. This time in a way that made Maura feel like she was Jane's most prized possession.

Finally, she released Maura's lips. Her breath was heavy, but controlled. A smile played on her lips while she watched Maura come to terms with it. Maura on the other hand was breathing heavily and still grasping Jane's hair. She'd messed it up completely and didn't seem to notice. Her eyes were fixated on Jane's lips, which at the moment were a source for a pleasure she hadn't felt before up until this day.

She'd kissed and been kissed before, but nothing felt like this. Jane's kiss was electrified, it seemed. It sent sparks flying in places Maura wasn't even aware were there. Jane's kiss made her feel a deep and intensely hot yearning feeling.

"You okay?" Jane whispered.

Her breath caused Maura to tremble inside. "Yes." She breathed.

"My hair."

It was then that Maura realized she was clenching Jane's hair. She immediately released it and smoothed it back out. "I'm so sorry."

Jane chuckled and ran her own fingers quickly through her hair. "See, all better."

Maura swallowed hard and brought her fingers up to her kiss swollen lips. "You are an amazing kisser, Jane."

"Thanks. You're not so bad yourself."

Maura laughed and smoothed out her clothing. Hers was still pretty much intact. Jane's looked like she had just been wrestling with a perp. Maura fanned her face, trying to cool down a bit before she utterly embarrassed herself in front of Jane. Jane cracked the window a bit to let some of the cool New England (go Patriots!) air inside. After about 5 minutes, Maura had collected herself.

"Are you ready to go home now?" Jane asked.

God, Maura loved her voice more than any other sound produced inside the physical universe. "Yes. I'm ready."

The ride home was quiet. Maura sat and processed the kiss which she had been yearning for. Now she got it and she nearly lost her mind. She usually had more control than this. But this beautiful Italian woman sitting next to her, broke every single rule of logic established in her mind. Jane caused her to feel things she'd never felt before. She wanted to be with her so badly. So badly it hurt.

While she was gazing out of the window, Jane reached over and took her hand. They entwined their fingers and rested their hands on the middle console. Jane seemed to know what she was feeling, or at least pick up on her unease. The simple gesture of holding her hand, reassured her more than a thousand words could ever have done. Maura sighed and tightened her grip on Jane's hand. Although this was new to her; this closeness and affection that she and Jane now shared, the love between them wasn't new. It was over a decade old and getting better and sweeter with time.

* * *

Hmm, I wonder what was in the box.

Stay tuned. I'll post another update by Friday.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_Rated M. Because, Well, I'm trying my hand at this before the "big event". I'm a private and shy type, so I may have missed the mark. Please tell me what you think? I wont be offended. I'll just try to write better._

Jane had elected to stay home from work after going to her appointment. She just wanted to spend the rest of the day with Maura. Around 4 pm, Jane got up and went to her place, which was fine because it was time for Maura to start preparing dinner. Jane didn't have a preference tonight, so she opted to simply repurpose the Irish stew from lunchtime and bake some rolls to go with it.

When Jane hadn't returned by 5:30, Maura texted her. Her texted when unanswered so she decided to go over and see if she was okay. She felt that Jane may need some alone time since yesterday marked 4 months since Angela's passing and she'd spent most of the day working and didn't have alone time.

She knocked lightly on the door before turning the knob. She entered into the guest house and made her way to the bedroom. It was a possibility that Jane crashed in bed. She knocked lightly on her door, which was cracked slightly. Maura could hear the shower going. She peeked inside and saw Jane's clothes strewn all over again.

"What am I going to do with her?" She said to herself.

She glanced around further and saw the box that came earlier today. It was opened.

"Hmm." She pushed the door further open and peeked further inside. The bathroom door was slightly open and the sounds of Jane humming a tune could be heard echoing throughout.

Maura smiled and stepped inside. She tiptoed over to the bed and sat down slowly. It creaked a bit. Jane stopped humming. Maura should have known Jane could hear the slightest sounds even in the shower. She was a magnificent woman with a makeup that scientists dream of researching. Her senses were exceptionally perceptive. If either one of her senses were to be disabled, she wouldn't be lacking at all. The others would make up for it.

After a short pause, Jane began humming again (and Maura could start breathing again). Maura leaned over and inspected the box. Jane had opened it carefully, unlike how she usually opens boxes. Perhaps she used a box cutter. Who knows. Maura reached in and pulled back the pink and white tissue paper inside.

She glanced at the bathroom door. Good, she was still humming. Slowly she pulled back layer upon layer of tissue papers to reveal the contents of the package. Her heart leaped into her throat.

"Oh my god." She whispered.

She knew she shouldn't have but she reached in and touched it. She couldn't tell right away which material it was made from, but it felt amazingly real. Goosebumps prickled her skin when she squeezed it. It was firm, yet not too unyielding. She picked it up and inspected it some more. She turned it on every angle; pure amazement washed over her. None of her previous lovers came close to this length and girth. She swallowed a lump in her throat as her mind came alive with thoughts of the reasons why Jane would purchase this.

She was so preoccupied with the Jane's package, (😊)that she didn't even notice her standing in the doorway of the bathroom watching her. A slight grin was on her face. She seemed amused.

Beads of sweat formed on Maura forehead while she glided her fingers over the length and tip of it. Her heart began to feel anxious. She never had anything like—

"Eh hem?" Jane cleared her throat softly.

Maura jumped with a start, dropping it on the floor. "Oh my god." Maura instantly dropped to the floor and picked it up, stuffing it haphazardly back into the box. "I am so sorry." She couldn't even look at Jane. She covered her face with her hands. She could feel the red-hot flames of embarrassment washing over her entire body.

She felt Jane more than she heard her walk over to her and sit down next to her. Next she felt her hand touch her gently on the arm, tugging slightly to encourage her to uncover her face.

"What did I tell you about snooping in my stuff?"

Maura looked up to see an amused expression on her face. Her dark eyes burned straight through her. She smiled at Maura, letting her know that it was very much okay with her.

"You said I would find something that'll make me blush."

"Looks like you found something, huh?"

"That's what I get for being curious."

"You could have asked." She tightened the towel around her body and grabbed the box. She took it over to her dresser and placed it on top. She came back and sat next to her.

An awkward silence fell over them. "Did you need me for something?" Jane asked.

Maura shook off her thoughts that refuse to leave her. "Oh, yes. Dinner is ready. I texted you but you didn't answer."

"I was in the shower."

"I see that now." Maura said getting up. "I'll wait for you."

"You don't have to wait. I'm going to be a while."

Maura swallowed hard. She forced out of her mind, the thoughts of what Jane could possibly do when she left.

"How long will you be?"

Jane shrugged. "I don't know."

"Is everything okay?"

"Um hmm." Jane said.

"Are you upset with me for looking into your box?"

"No." Jane answered quickly. She grabbed a towel from the bottom of her bed and started toweling off her hair.

Maura came over and sat down beside her. Jane sighed deeply but keep silent. Maura felt terrible. She thought she was embarrassed, but then she thought of how Jane must have felt. It was a very private thing and she should have never looked. She just didn't know it was going to be that! She thought maybe it was another baseball cap and jersey set like the one she received a couple of weeks ago. Wow, was she ever wrong.

Jane was probably angry with her, but not going to say it. Maura felt like running away and hiding.

"I'm sorry, Jane." She said softly. She touched Jane on the arm and squeezed it.

Jane glanced over at her, but didn't say a word to her. She just kept drying her hair. It was evident to Maura that she didn't want to speak to her at the moment.

She sighed lightly and stood up. "I'll put your dinner in the oven." She turned and walked slowly towards the door.

She was almost out of the door when she felt a pair of hands on her, stilling her escape. She gasped and held her breath when she felt Jane's body press against hers. Jane wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Don't go. I'm sorry." Jane pressed her face into the back of Maura neck and gave her a light kiss there. "I'm just embarrassed." She whispered and nuzzled her face into her hair.

"I'm the one who's embarrassed. I shouldn't have looked inside of your box."

Jane sighed deeply and grazed her lips across Maura's ear. Goosebumps flashed all over her body when she felt her breath on her. Jane reached down and covered Maura's hand that was holding the doorknob. She slowly closed the door for her.

Jane pressed her forward slightly, making Maura's body lean against the door. Maura let out a soft sigh when she realized that she was now sandwiched between the door and Jane. Jane kissed the back of her neck again and then trailed her kiss across her shoulders. Maura shivered with delight.

Jane's lips came to rest beside her ear again. "You are so damn nosey; you know that right?" Her hand came up and caressed Maura's belly.

"I know. Forgive me." Maura whispered.

Her fingers clenched the fabric of Maura's shirt and pulled her back against her. Maura could feel Jane's hands trembling as she gripped her shirt, the nails of her other hand that was pressed against the door, scraped lightly against it. Her breaths came out raggedly against her ear. Maura leaned against her lips, hoping to increase the sensation.

"Did you like what you saw?" Jane's lips captured Maura's lobe and kissed it gently.

Maura melted a little bit more. "Yes."

Jane laid her head onto Maura's shoulder and swore under her breath. Her body steadily trembled. If Maura didn't know better, she'd think that Jane wanted to take her right then and there against the door.

She dragged her nails up the forearm of the hand that gripped her shirt. She would never forget the tremors that followed her action.

"god, Maur." Jane whispered. "You need to get out of my room."

"I don't want to leave."

"I'm not sure you're ready for that side of me."

"I am ready."

Jane tugged at her shirt even more. Fabric ripped. Jane groaned under her breath when the bottom button of Maura's shirt popped off and pinged against the floor. "How do you know?"

"It's all I want."

Jane took her by the waist and spun her around. She gazed into her eyes. Maura squirmed under her touch. It felt like her entire by had suddenly become animated with a million different emotions.

Jane touched her head against Maura's. Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck and sighed deeply. Jane stepped backwards towards the bed. Maura closed her eyes and allowed Jane to guide them to where she wanted them to be right now. Which was on the bed. Maura's heart leaped into her throat again. It was really going to happen.

She hadn't prepared. What if she did something wrong? What if Jane wasn't satisfied with her oral abilities, what if she doesn't make her climax? All of these questions and about a dozen more raced thought her mind in the 10 seconds it took Jane to bring them to the bed. She opened her eyes just as Jane was sitting them down.

Jane was smiling at her. Her eyes looked almost black; darkened by arousal to the deepest hue possible. Maura's eyes glanced down at the towel that wrapped her body.

"Have you ever touched a woman before?" She asked softly.

Maura shook her head slowly, swallowing the persistent lump that continued to choke her. "No." she croaked out.

Jane scooted further onto the bed, toward the middle and motioned for her to come closer. Maura scooted closer. Maura voice had escaped her. All she could make were sounds; whimpers and sighs. Her heart beat so fast she thought she was going to have a heart attack.

Jane kept her eyes on her the entire time. Gauging her reactions. Maura knew Jane well, and if she detected apprehension, she would stop. And she didn't want her to stop…

"Take my towel off."

Maura tugged at Jane's towel and it fell gracefully down to her thighs. The visual of Jane sitting naked in front of her almost blew her mind. Several expletives streamed through her mind. Words she dared not let anyone hear her say. Jane was absolutely beautiful. Better than she imagined.

Her eyes fluttered shut briefly. Her brain was unable to handle the overload that came from seeing her perfect body. She scooted closer to her. She tried her best to gaze into Jane's eyes, because she had read that this was a way to build the intimacy. But she couldn't. Her eyes wanted to stare at her breasts.

"I want you, Maura." Jane whispered, causing Maura's eyes to snap back up to hers. "But I want you to be comfortable."

"I am." She offered quickly. She didn't realize her hands were shaking until Jane grasp them with her own.

Jane leaned back onto the overstuffed/sized pillows on her bed. She pulled Maura with her. Maura found herself laying against Jane's naked body. She gazed down the entire length of it. She hadn't a flaw that she could see. Maura hovered over her, her lips just inches away from hers.

"Touch me." Jane said. She took Maura's hand that was resting on her waist and brought it up to her breast. "Please touch me, Maura."

Goosebumps raced up her spine at Jane's request. Her heart took over, and she cupped Jane's breast gently at first, but when she heard the soft sigh that came out of her mouth, she tightened her grip into a firm one. She kneaded her flesh the way she like her breasts being handled. Evidently Jane liked it like that too.

Maura grew weak, she pressed her forehead against Jane's and touched her with expert finesse. Her touch was delicate, calculated. Jane readjusted her leg, and sighed Maura's name into the night. The way her name floated off of Jane's lips made Maura melt inside. She leaned in and took her lips.

"You're so sexy." She told Jane between kisses. "I don't know what to do with you."

"Touch me." She repeated.

Every time Jane said it, Maura felt like her insides were turning to liquid. And maybe they were, because she certainly felt like she was –

Jane took Maura's hand and moved it down between them. Maura whimpered through the kiss while she trailed her fingers down further. She pulled away from the kiss and looked into Jane's eyes. She wanted to see her face, damn it. She wanted to see her face when she touched her.

Jane's trembling fingers laced through and entangled inside of Maura hair as she waited for her to touch her for the first time. Maura's hand glided down slowly, her mind took a mental picture of this journey. Jane was bare and soft with a small patch right above her clit.

Jane sighed an expletive which disappeared somewhere before it reached Maura's lips. Maura's inquisitive fingers traced down her soft and velvety folds, before backtracking up and rubbing Jane's clit.

Jane's reaction was instantaneously. Her grip tightened and she cursed again and pulled Maura closer to her. Maura was so used to seeing her so calm and collected and cool, that see this side of her was surreal. Her body trembled beneath her. Maura continued to circle her, giving her more pressure. She let out a moan that didn't sound like her at all. It was raw, untamed. Real.

Maura felt tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to force them to stay inside. She looked down at Jane and she was looking up at her. Her eyes were narrowed, barely opened. Maura loved the way she looked right now. She pressed her finger inside of her.

A warmth and a tightness she couldn't even describe with words welcomed her. Jane shivered and pulled her closer as Maura pushed inside of her. Their eyes stayed locked on each other. Maura's heart seized up inside of her chest when she saw Jane's bottom lip tremble. She leaned in and pressed her lips against her forehead and then the tip of her nose, and then her lips.

"You feel so good." Maura sighed into her kiss. Her finger stroked deeper inside of her. Her vivid imagination could not have prepared her for the real thing. Jane's body was perfection in all aspects.

Jane moaned lightly, breaking away periodically for breath. Maura couldn't let her breathe. She didn't want to let her breathe. She just wanted all of her, everything, right now.

"Do you like the way I feel?"

"Yes, I do. So much." She whispered. She kept her eyes on Jane. And Jane kept her eyes on her. Maura's heart began to well up even more with a new emotion that she'd never felt before, nor did she understand completely. She wanted to cry, she wanted to scream, she wanted to ravish Jane, she wanted to cuddle her—all at the same time.

Jane reached a pulled her hand from her liquefied center. When her fingers disconnected, Jane gasped softly and brought her in for a tender kiss.

"I love the way you touch me." She said.

Maura smiled. A majority of her insecurity melted away during the last few minutes while she was touching Jane.

"Thank you."

"A few months ago, you said if I came to you and asked to make love to you, you would do it."

Maura nodded.

Jane strummed her fingers through her hair. "Do you still feel that way?"

Maura nodded. "Do you want to make love to me?"

"Yes, I do." Jane kissed her softly on the lips. "More than anything right now."

Maura couldn't help smiling from ear to ear. She was so happy. She leaned in and took Jane's lips with a passionate kiss. Eventually Jane pulled away.

"But first I need to eat."

Maura just stared at her. "Pardon me?"

"Food. I'm hungry and I need some energy."

Maura felt the heat rising in her cheeks. "Yes, of course." She rolled off of Jane. "I completely forgot about dinner."

Jane sat up and pulled on a tshirt over her head. And then she slipped into a pair of sweats. Maura watched her with a watchful eye. Jane could only wonder the thoughts that were going through her mind. When she finished, she joined Maura and they walked towards the door.

"After dinner, we can talk alittle about the Realdoe."

"Realdoe?" Maura inquired while opening the door.

"Yeah." Jane said touching the small of her back. "That's what the thing in the box is called."

Maura blushed bright red, all words/questions/thoughts died instantly on her lips. The only thing she could think of was that thing in the box.

Jane chuckled devilishly and ushered her out of the door…

* * *

Ok, I'm super self conscious. I'm trying to get my bearings before jumping into a Rizzles scene. Please let me know if this was acceptable. I have read lots of Rizzles steamy scenes, but I can't come close to those. Just being honest. Glad you guys like my story!


	13. Chapter 13

**Lucky Chapter 13**

_Rated M for dialogue, Jane's internal dialogue & other stuff o_0_

Maura said very little during dinner. She just sat across from Jane, sipping her stew and trembling. Jane remembered reaching across the island and taking her hand. When she looked up at her and smiled, all Jane wanted to do was _her._ She wanted to swipe their meals off of the island, lay her across it, and kiss her from her to toe. Jane had no idea what in the hell was wrong with her.

A switch was tripped inside of her the moment she stepped into the doorway and saw Maura inspecting her new toy. She had intended on trying it on after the shower, and getting used to the feel of it. This was the private side of her that Maura had no clue about. She was not ashamed, no, but it was private.

But when she saw how Maura was handling it, she was turned on quicker than she had ever been turned on before, by _anyone_. It alarmed her just how quickly it was. It was like, all she wanted to do was put it on and get inside of her.

Jane stood by the backdoor and watched her a moment; calming herself. She'd stolen a few minutes and went to her place to prepare for Maura. She couldn't wait to be with her. Jane shivered and sighed deeply; her thoughts were getting out of control!

She walked over and sat next to her on the couch. She was reading on the iPad. "What are you reading?" She asked.

"Just finishing up this Patterson novel." She answered.

Jane reached over and took the iPad from her and placed it onto the coffee table. Maura looked over at her and swallowed hard.

"You okay?" Jane asked.

"Yes."

"You don't seem like you are."

"No. I am. I'm just anxious."

"About what?"

Maura batted her eyebrows and laughed a little.

"I'm surprised you're nervous. You know how many guys you've been with? You should be an expert on screwing people 101."

"That sounds so terrible, Jane."

Jane laughed and reached for her hand. Maura took it and allowed Jane to pull her closer.

"Come closer. I won't bite." Jane said. Her voice was deeper than usual, and yet soft and reassuring.

"You're silly." Maura settled in next to her and laid her head across her chest. Jane reclined and pulled her into a comfortable embrace. "This feels nice." She sighed.

"Sure does." Jane traced hearts on her arm while she held her. "Are you anxious or nervous?"

"A little bit of both, but not too much."

"Have you thought much about sleeping with me?"

"Too much."

Jane laughed. Maura had no idea how once she stopped thinking about that other one, she became the subject of her thoughts. At first, it made Jane angry with herself, because she felt as if she was just replacing one with the other. But the more she sat and thought about it, the more she realized that prior to the other one, Maura was everything she thought about. Literally. Maura had always been the subject of her thoughts. And of her dreams.

"Which kinds of things have you imagined?"

Maura giggled and toyed with the fabric of Jane's t-shirt. "I thought about what you would be like. If you'd be a gentle lover, or rough. I thought about whether you would dominate me or if you'd expect me to take some control."

Jane swallowed hard and tightened her grip on her. She was sure she could hear how her heart starting beating more rapidly. "How did you imagine me?"

"I don't want to say."

"Why not?"

"Because I have a feeling that you'll be the opposite of what I imagined."

Jane laughed and sat up. Maura moved away and looked at her oddly. "Well, that's comforting to know."

"It's not meant in a negative way."

"I know. I was joking." Jane got up and went to the fridge for a beer and sat back down beside her. "Okay, so I guess we should discuss that thing before we get started."

Maura face blushed lightly. Jane couldn't help but to think of how she would look when she slid it inside of her. And of the possible sounds of pleasure she would make. Her heart raced just thinking about it.

"Okay."

"So, it's called a Realdoe." She began. She took a sip of her beer and placed it down on the table. "It's just like a every other toy, but it has a part on the end that is inserted inside of the partner who's using it."

"How do you get pleasure from it if you are the one using it on your partner?"

"Well, there's a bullet inside on my end. And it vibrates, as well as these ridges in the front so my clit can be stimulated while we're making love."

Maura swallowed hard and her eyes fluttered shut briefly. "Wow. I love bullets."

"Me too. So, It's basically a strap on, just without the strap. It's strapless. And it gives pleasure to both the giver and the receiver."

"That's interesting. The bulbous type of object on the end; how does it stay in while you're making love?"

"Two words. Kegel muscles. The stronger the Kegels, the more control you have."

"Are yours strong?"

Jane ran her fingers through her hair and smiled. Her question was extremely direct. But what else did she expect? She _was_ Maura and they _were_ sitting there talking about a strapless dildo.

She chuckled lightly, "Let's just say, I can probably pull a car tied to a string with my—" she bounced her eyebrows playfully, "You know."

"Oh my." Maura whispered.

Jane saw the heat rise up in her neck first. It turned a light shade of red a few seconds before Maura started tugging at her collar. She'd gotten the point. Jane made it very clear to her that she had absolute control of her body. She would just have to experience how much control she really had.

"Does that scare you?"

"No, it excites me."

Jane smiled, "Good," she said and pulled her in for a kiss. Maura took her lips more passionately than she did before in the bedroom. Jane could tell by her movements that she was turned on. Maura did her usual thing that had become Jane's new favorite: She drove her fingers through Jane's hair and massaged her scalp.

"Man, I love it when you do that?" Jane whispered against her lips.

Maura responded with a cute little grunt. She didn't seem interested in talking at all.

"I have a confession." Jane said.

"What it is?"

Jane leaned her back on the couch and topped her quickly. She dipped in and took her lips. She moved her lips over to her ear and paused for a brief moment. Maura's body rose and fell beneath her. Her fingers pulled at her hair, encouraging her to either talk to her or kiss her or do something.

Jane leaned in and whispered her confession into Maura's ear.

The moment Maura processed what Jane had said, she immediately gasped while her body started trembling lightly. Jane looked into her eyes and smiled.

"Really?" Maura whispered.

Jane nodded.

Maura just looked at her for what seemed like minutes as if she were expecting Jane to say "Just kidding!" Or something like that. But of course she didn't. What she confessed was the truth as she knew it. Jane could see her lips tremble. She could see her trying to read every inch of her face. She could see her filling up inside with the same feeling that Jane now felt. She wanted to give it all to Maura. She wanted to give her everything she had inside.

Maura pulled her in and kissed her deeply. Jane found herself fighting to control the kiss. She'd always been in control, being the dominate one in every relationship, but Maura made her want to lay down and take all she wanted to give. And she still had no clue what kind of lover she was. She was excited to find out.

She pulled away from her, forcefully detaching herself from her lips. Maura breathed heavily; her eyes were blazing with sexual passion. There was no doubt about it. Maura wanted it. And she wanted it right now. This was new to Jane. Having someone heat up as quickly as Maura did, left her head spinning.

She leaned in and attached herself to Maura's neck, nibbling it ever so gently near her pulse point. Maura's body seized up briefly before her fingers (which were still wrapped up in her hair) started pulling her in harder. A soft moan escaped her lips while Jane sucked on her neck; expertly and officially claiming her as her own.

Jane reached up and yanked her shirt, pulling it down to expose Maura's breast. She leaned in and kissed it, tracing the outline of a very hard nipple underneath the fabric of her bra. Maura shivered and swore softly.

Jane rolled off of the couch and took Maura's hand. "Let's go back to my room."

Maura nodded in response and followed her back to her place. Jane couldn't remember much about the walk over to her place. All she could think about was what she was going to do once she got Maura into bed. She wanted to go fast. She wanted to go slow. She wanted to do everything that she'd ever dreamed of doing with her. If only it could last all night.

She sat Maura down on the bed and watched her for a moment. She looked absolutely beautiful. She glanced down at the shirt that she'd nearly ripped to shreds on two separate occasions. She grinned a little bit and Maura grinned as well. It was as if she could read her thoughts. Jane started unbuttoning Maura's shirt.

Maura just watched her and never uttered a word. Her chest heaved up and down with excitement. Jane pushed her shirt over her shoulders, placing soft kisses along her collarbone. Maura sighed heavily and reciprocated with a kiss to Jane's forehead. Jane gazed into her eyes before laying her back on the bed.

She kissed her softly again. Even though the passion she felt for Maura made her want to completely ravish her, she wanted her first time to be special and not too terribly overwhelming. She had to constantly remind herself to go slow.

She pressed her body against Maura's, and allowed her hands to explore Maura's masterpiece of a body. Her dominant hand glided down slowly, cupping her breast, squeezing it firmly in her hands, and continued down, cascading over her belly. She stopped at the waistline of her pants. She thanked the heavens Maura wore stretchy pants tonight.

Jane pulled her lips from Maura's and gazed into her eyes. "I love you."

Maura caressed Jane's face. Her eyes shimmered. She mouthed the words, "I love you too," and touched her forehead against Jane's. Jane kissed the tip of the nose. Her hand continued further down, and underneath Maura's pants. She was delighted to see she hadn't on any underwear. She glided her fingers down and touched her softness for the very first time.

Maura sucked in a rasp breath and nearly cried out— It startled Jane, but she didn't let it show. She just kept her eyes on her. Watching her and feeling her. She was already soaking wet, her legs opened more, giving Jane permission to get inside and get inside of her quickly. Jane's fingers made a slow and sensual orbit around Maura's clit before the middle one dipped inside of her; the movement itself sent Maura's body spasming underneath her.

She felt Maura's nails dig into her scalp. It was the most pleasurable feeling she'd ever felt in all of her entire life. She smiled down at her. Maura attempted to smile in return but the only thing her mouth offered was a quivering moan. Jane stole a quick kiss from her parted lips. Sweat beaded Maura's forehead, in fact her entire body glistened from head to toe.

_Oh my god! She is so fucking hot!_ Jane thought.

Jane tried her best not to verbalize her dirty thoughts – She really wanted to be quiet like she usually was with previous lovers, but something about Maura made her want to pour it all out.

"Your pussy feels so good, baby."

"Jane…" Maura whispered her name. "More."

Maura's eyes glistened even more. Jane could not comprehend what was happening. What were the tears for? She pushed another finger inside; her index, and stroked her deep inside. Maura tossed her head to the side and cried out.

Jane found herself looking down into tearful eyes. She kissed her once more before descending down her body. Fingers continued to clench Jane's hair, (even tighter than before) as she trailed her way down Maura's body. She stopped at her breast and sucked on her nipple. Maura didn't want her there though. With her hands now atop of Jane's head, she pushed her further down.

"Go, please…" She groaned.

Jane obeyed and released her nipple, kissing, nibbling, sucking her way down. Maura's moans became louder and louder, anticipating Jane's arrival became all she seemed to want. Her hips circled underneath Jane, grazing her chin with her softness. Finally, she arrived at her clit. Aside from its owner, it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Jane glanced up at her, and she was looking down at her. Her hands were shaking nearly uncontrollably while she held Jane's head in them. Her entire body quivered and quaked.

"Do it." She said.

Jane opened her mouth and grazed her tongue over it ever so gently, never once taking her eyes off of Maura. The tears that had been pooling in Maura's glistening eyes spilled over the sides. Jane leaned in and took it into her mouth, encircling it with her lips, softly twirling it over her tongue. Maura's eyes rolled back into her head when she pulled Jane closer. Her hips rocked into her, forcing herself deeper into her mouth.

"God, that feels so good." She whispered. "That's it, oh my god yes."

Jane couldn't feel her scalp anymore. All she felt was Maura's body pushing against her face, her soft and sweet pussy forcing itself further into her mouth. She felt like she was losing control of this moment. And if she did, it was okay. She was totally okay with Maura bucking and riding her face like a madwoman.

_Holy fucking hell... That's hot! _Jane thought.

She looped her arms around Maura's thighs and pulled her in closer. She was about to show Maura, just how much she enjoyed her sweet stuff. Maura gasped and cried out when Jane slipped her tongue inside of her. She had momentarily released her hair to pinch her own nipples. Jane took advantage of this by rolling over quickly onto her back and pulling Maura onto her face.

Maura didn't even have time to protest. Before she knew it, she was straddling Jane's face, with Jane's mouth sucking and licking her. She gazed into Jane's eyes. The way those beautiful hazel eyes shimmered and looked at her with so much love caused Jane's heart to suddenly twist and squeeze inside of her chest.

Maura cupped Jane's head to balance herself. Jane's hands gripped her thighs still, but she pulled her against her lips, encouraging her to ride the hell out of her mouth. She seemed hesitant at first. And unsure of this position. But Jane released her thighs and ran her hands up the front of her body and cupped her breasts before coming back down and resting on her waist. After a half a minute of hesitation, Maura finally started riding. And she rode. And rode. Her moans and the wet sounds her pussy made against her lips were the only sounds Jane could hear.

She wanted her to come just like that, all over her face, but she also wanted to be inside of her when she came. Jane released her, gripped her hips and flipped her back over onto her back. Maura landed with a gasp in the middle of the bed. Her eyes were wild, her pupils dilated. Her chest heaved up and down quickly.

Jane reached over and opened the nightstand drawer. She pulled out it out and held it out in front of her. Her eyes traveled from it to Maura who was gazing at it. Eventually Maura's eyes met hers and a smile of approval crossed her face. Jane inserted her end. Her muscles gripped it tightly. She took a brief moment to become one with her new member. The look on Maura's face gave her the extra boost of confidence she needed. She flipped it on using the remote and crawled over to Maura.

Maura welcomed her into her open arms. In her mind, Jane was so thankful that she'd taken the time to prepare for her, or this moment wouldn't have happened like this. Maura scooted further onto the bed so she could rest easily on the pillows. She smiled up at Jane. Her eyes shined with love and passion. Jane leaned in for a kiss. Her lips were seared by Maura's. Again, Maura's legs opened, begging Jane to do what she did best.

Maura never said a word, but her body said it all. Jane rubbed the tip against Maura's clit, breaching her slightly, gauging her comfort.

"I'm ready." Maura whispered.

Jane felt her body tensing slightly. The bullet was positioned right on her g-spot. It felt amazing. She thrust her hips and she felt it slip in slowly. Maura's pussy was so tight, she was going to have to work hard for entry.

Jane kissed her and then pressed their heads together. "Is this too much for you?"

"No." Tears started filling her eyes again.

"What are you doing?" Jane kissed her lips. "Why are you crying?"

"Because I've waited so long and I—" She gasped when Jane pushed another inch inside.

"Breathe." Jane encouraged her. "Deep breath in."

Maura inhaled.

"Let it out."

When she exhaled, Jane slid further in. "That's it." Jane did her best to go slowly, but the bullet was making her feel like she was gonna explode. She started thrusting at a steady pace inside of her. Maura's body resisted it for a moment. Maura squeezed her eyes shut and then she pulled Jane's head into the crook of her neck.

Maura whimpered. "I've always loved you too, Jane. Since the very first day I met you."

Her words—a confession to match Jane's earlier confession—made Jane's heart swell up and take control of her. She'd been trying to be in control, but there was no control when she was with Maura. And inside of Maura.

"Oh, Maur," She whispered into her ear. "Let me make love to you… Baby, Please ."

Then she felt Maura's body completely relax and open up for her. She slipped inside of her with ease, pressing in as far as Maura's wall would allow. Maura took in a sharp breath. She raised up and looked into her eyes. She watched her while she thrust deeply into her. Her strokes were even, deep and slow. Deeper and slower.

Maura gasped and dug her nails again to Jane's scalp. Her body trembled while Jane hungrily thrust and stroked and pushed inside of her. Jane grabbed her lips in a kiss and picked up her pace. She couldn't hide this side of her from Maura any longer. She just hoped that it would be okay with her.

Jane's depth was incredible, controlled, and mind-boggling. Every time she pulled out, she left Maura wanting and grasping for more. Maura cried out loudly, her nails dragged from Jane's scalp down her neck, down her back, and dug into her ass. She wanted more. Jane obliged and gave her everything that she had. Every single thing. She combined very quick thrusts with deep and even thrusts, with painful slow penetrating strokes at just the right angle to hit her spot.

Maura's whimpers and moans and cries became louder and louder until her entire body seized up beneath her. "Oh Jane! I'm coming. Don't stop. Please."

Jane continued her 3-stroke combo into Maura's body trembled violently beneath her. Maura had long ago lost her ability to speak. Her climax had taken her to a faraway place on the other side of the universe. Jane could feel Maura contracting around her while she whimpered softly. Jane carefully pulled out of Maura and then removed it from herself. She tucked it under the pillow and then cuddled with Maura in the bed.

Maura was shivering, her body was drenched with sweat, and covered with goosebumps. Jane kissed her softly on the back of the neck and in between her shoulders. Maura reached back and cupped her head. Jane spooned her tighter, pulling her body in so close with her they may as well have been one person.

She snuggled her face beside her ear.

"Are you okay, Baby?" she whispered into her ear.

Maura leaned back against her. "I was wrong."

"About what?" Jane kissed her softly on the side of the face.

Her body started feeling heavy and her grip was loosening. Maura was falling asleep. Jane nudged her gently.

"Hmm?" She answered sleepily.

"What were you wrong about?"

"Oh…" Maura yawned and leaned further back into Jane's arms. "You were everything I imagined you would be."

Maura's words floated into the air and hung gracefully above them. It would be the last words spoken tonight. Jane laid there smiling at her and watching this beautiful person sleep. After who knows how long, Jane finally leaned over and kissed her goodnight.

* * *

Thanks for your encouragement. I gave it a go! I really liked how it happened. I realize that Maura didn't get a turn to do Jane. I calculate approx 3 more chapters until the end of the story. Maybe 4. Depending on if I can wrap everything up. Thank you so much for following and reviewing! I'm completely happy you guys have been enjoying the story.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_Rated M. Per many requests: Maura's turn. Dialogue is M. _

Maura opened her eyes slowly when she felt something graze across her cheek. Immediately they focused on Jane's beautiful face in front of her. She was lying next to her, watching her sleep. Maura admired the smile that decorated her face. It was a smile of contentment. One Maura hadn't seen in a very long time. She smiled back at her.

"Hi." Maura said.

"Hey there." Her smooth and deep voice sent goosebumps racing up her spine.

Maura moved a little bit and winced lightly because of the pleasurable pain coming from down below. She had never, ever been handled so expertly before. Jane knew exactly which spots to hit for her to lose all control of herself. She wanted more. She needed more.

Her body started yearning for Jane's touch the longer she stared into her eyes. She had been everything that she could have ever imagined and more. While Jane was inside of her, pummeling her body into submission, Maura experienced something she couldn't even logically explain. Jane was so one with her attachment, that it felt like it was her. Her expertise really shined through in her performance.

The way she used it on her. The way she bottomed out inside of her, and the way Jane didn't even have to search for her g-spot; she knew exactly where it was. Goosebumps prickled Maura's skin when she thought of when Jane asked to make love to her, and how she followed it up with _"Baby, please…",_ her entire body shuddered and then gave in to Jane's request. Completely and without hesitation. Instantly.

Maura reached out and caressed Jane's face. "Are you okay?" She whispered to her.

Jane just nodded. She didn't speak. She just leaned into Maura's hand and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep."

"I noticed." Jane said.

"How long was I sleeping?"

Jane glanced back over her shoulder. "About 4 hours."

"Oh my! I had no idea I'd slept so long."

Jane covered the hand that caressed her face. "It's alright. I slept a little too. I just woke up."

Maura watched her for a moment. Her smile had lessened slightly and she gazed almost sadly now into Maura's eyes. Maura scooted over closer to her. "What is it?" She whispered.

Jane squeezed her hand and sighed. Her eyes fell away from hers and focused on a piece of the comforter draped over Maura's breasts. "I don't know." She finally said.

"Talk to me." She said tipping Jane's chin so she could look her in the eyes. "What's wrong?"

After some time, Jane looked up at her, her eyes had tears forming in them. "I feel guilty." She whispered.

Maura wasn't sure how to respond to those three words. Did she feel guilty because they made love? Was it too soon? She sighed deeply and caressed her face.

"Why do you feel guilty, Love? Is it because of Natalie?"

Jane literally cringed at the sound of her name rolling off of Maura's tongue. "No."

"Then why?"

Jane strummed her fingers through Maura's hair and kissed her lightly on the lips. Maura could feel Jane's body trembling, she could see the emotion in her eyes. Jane pressed her head against Maura's and cleared her throat softly.

"Because I'm happy. I am so happy being here with you."

Maura nodded. She understood now. Jane must have had a resurgence of grief after they made love. It only made sense.

"Sweetie," Maura said clasping her fingers tightly through Jane's hair and holding her close, "I understand completely the feelings you're feeling right now. I'm happy too. But sometimes, our minds trick us into thinking we should not be happy when our loved one is gone."

Jane let out a quivering sigh and sniffled lightly.

"It will take time for our minds and hearts to catch up with each other when we are grieving, but I promise you, my love, you have every right to be happy. And your mother would want you to be happy too."

"I know." Jane nodded briskly. "I just miss her."

Maura kissed her softly on the lips, "I miss her too."

"I momentarily forgot she was gone, you know. I woke up and I was like oh my god, Ma is gonna come in here and see us like this!" Jane kind of laughed and then bit her bottom lip. She rubbed the tip of her nose against Maura's and pulled away from her.

She rolled over and landed on her back on her side of the bed. "But then I realized, she's not ever gonna walk through any of our doors ever again. And it just made me feel – I don't know. Guilty for being so happy I temporarily forgot she was gone." She gazed up at the ceiling; tracing imaginary objects with her eyes.

Maura watched her for a moment, unsure if she was done with the conversation of just taking a break. Jane swiped away a thin sliver of tears trickling out of her left eye.

"Would you like for me to leave you alone?" Maura asked. She already knew the answer, but she wanted to give Jane an option as opposed to showing her vulnerability in front of her.

Jane shook her head slowly. "No." She whispered. She motioned for Maura to come closer to her. She did, and Jane pulled her into an embrace. Maura rested her head on her chest and sighed. This had become her favorite position. Resting comfortably in Jane's arms. "Will it ever get better?" Jane asked. Her eyes were still glued to the ceiling.

"I wish I could tell you exactly when it will get better. Over time, the pain does lessen, but a heart never truly recovers from a loss this devastating."

Jane laughed lightly. "I really wish you could lie."

Maura leaned in and kissed her softly on the shoulder. She looked up at her to see she was still focusing on the ceiling. Her breaths were even and steady, her mind seemed to be a million miles away.

"Would you like to go back to sleep?"

"I can't really sleep right now, but if you want to, I'll be quiet so you can sleep."

"No, if you're going to stay up, I'll stay up with you."

Jane peeled her eyes away from the ceiling and glanced over at her. Her brown eyes told Maura so much that her lips would not say at the moment. They told her how thankful she was to have her here. They told her how much she loved her. They told her how much she wished this night would never end.

"Thank you. That'll be nice."

Maura smiled. "But I do need to go and get something to drink. I'll be back really soon." She moved to get up, but Jane stilled her.

"Stay here, I'll go."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I am. I'm a little hungry. I won't be long."

"Okay. Thank you."

Jane gave her a light peck on the lips and rolled out of bed. "Be right back." She disappeared out of the room quickly, leaving Maura laying in bed.

* * *

She rolled onto her stomach and tucked her hands underneath the pillow. Her hand bumped up against their new toy. Her body instantly flashed with heat as the memories of just a few hours ago came flooding back. She pulled it from underneath the pillow and inspected it.

This dildo and its user had given her the best orgasm she'd ever had in her life. Her nipples hardened, thinking about how Jane grunted and cursed and whispered dirty nothings into her ear while she made love to her. Her passion was raw and exciting.

She swallowed hard and glanced towards the door.

"Hey Jane?" She called out.

"Yeah?" Jane said from the kitchen.

"Are you making yourself something to eat?"

"Yes. You want your water now?"

"No. When you finish, bring me a snowball too."

"Gotcha."

"How much longer will you be?"

"About 15. Is that okay?"

"Yes. I'm just going to close my eyes for a few okay."

"Yep."

She listened carefully. She could hear Jane unwrapping cellophane packages and moving around in the kitchen. She laughed to herself.

She closed her eyes for a few… Seconds. And then she got up quickly and tiptoed into the bathroom. She turned the faucet on low, warm water. She grabbed a wash cloth and saturated it with water and soap. She inspected it as she cleaned it delicately. She was amazed with how real it looked. And it felt real.

Her body trembled thinking of how it felt when the tip hit her g-spot at just the right angle to usher in her orgasm. She took another two minutes to freshen up herself. And then she slipped the bullet end inside of her. She gasped; the visual of the realdoe becoming a part of her body was exceptionally stimulating.

When she felt the ridges come flush with her clit, she clenched the bullet end with her Kegels. Jane may think she could pull a car with hers, but Maura could probably pull a Mack truck. Certainly, Jane must have forgotten about their conversation during yoga class a couple of years ago. They talked about the importance of maintaining healthy and strong Kegels and the effects it could have on improving her sex life…

She gripped it tighter and it bounced to life. She flexed her Kegels and it bounced playfully in front of her. A smile crossed her face. She reached down and gave it a firm tug, but her body had clamped down around it so tightly that this bad boy wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

She was nervous. She had to be out of her mind to think she could really pull this off being that it was her first time using one, but she was certainly going to try. She just hoped Jane would appreciate her efforts. She clicked off the light in the bathroom and climbed back into bed. She pulled the sheets over her and laid on her back waiting for Jane to return.

Jane came back 10 minutes later with Maura's snowball and bottle of water. When she caught sight of Maura lying in bed with her arms tucked behind her head, she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes gazed down her body, stopping at this peculiar looking bump in the sheets below her navel.

She smiled and approached with caution. She sat down on the side of the bed and smiled over at her. "Which do you want first?"

"You."

"I meant the snowball or the water." Her dimpled smile appeared for Maura.

Maura loved the way Jane looked every day, but right now she was exceptionally beautiful. She touched her chin with her finger. "Hmm. Water."

Jane twisted the top off and handed it to her. Maura sat up in bed, the sheets falling from her breasts and gathering in her lap right above the bump, which now stood firm underneath. Jane glanced down and then back up at Maura.

She opened the snowball for her and handed it to her.

With three quick bites, Maura devoured the snack completely. She washed it down with the water and gave it back to Jane. "Thanks, love."

"You're very welcome." Jane smiled at her. She arched her brow and touched Maura's thigh. "What are you up to?"

"What do you mean?"

Jane laughed and walked her fingers up Maura's thigh, across her belly, and then into her lap. She squeezed it with her hand. "What do you have under here?" Her voice was low and super seductive.

"I wanted to try it on."

Jane grazed her lips across Maura's. "Why?"

"Because I want to make love to you too."

"I see." She gave her a light peck. "You can make love to me without that, you know."

"I know, but I would like to do it the same way you did to me."

Jane smiled and nodded. She toyed with the stray hairs that fell in Maura's face and sighed.

"I don't want you to feel obligated, Maur."

"But—"

"I'm serious. That would be asking too much of you considering."

"Considering it's my first time?"

"Yes."

"Technically it'll be my second."

Jane chuckled. "You know what I meant."

Maura gazed in her eyes. "So you don't want me to make love to you?"

"I do, but not if you're going to feel pressured to perform. We can just let it be just as it is."

"But I want to please you too."

"I understand, Maur. But—"

"Oh…" She interrupted. "I understand now."

Jane frowned. "What do you understand?"

Maura pulled a little bit away from her. "You don't think I'll be able to please you, right?"

"What? No, that's not it."

"I get that it's my first time with you, but I know I can take care of you the way you want."

"Maura, that's not the issue."

"What is it then?"

"I just told you."

"I don't feel pressured. I just really want to make love to my best friend the same way she made love to me. I want to make you feel the same level of ecstasy I felt when you were first tasting me, and sucking me, and then when you were inside of me. I want you to feel the same things!"

"Oh my god, Maur…" Jane breathed.

"But if you really don't want me to, I'll go ahead and take it off."

Jane sighed deeply.

"Actually, I think I will go ahead and not try this. I've already made a big enough fool of myself already in front of you." She said quietly while turning away from Jane. She was about to roll off of the bed when Jane caught her arm.

"Wait a minute."

She paused but did not turn around. "Yes?"

"You have not made a fool of yourself in front of me." Jane tugged her gently back towards her. "Look at me, please." Her voice was softer than usual. And gentler.

Maura turned around. "I know I can't be as good as Natalie was for you, but one day I might."

"Shh…" Jane scooted quickly over to her. "Don't ever speak her name ever again, okay?" She placed a soft kiss on Maura's lips. She seemed eager to ease Maura's insecurity. "This has absolutely nothing to do with that woman."

"Okay."

"I am honestly extremely turned on seeing you like this, but you have to understand, I am not on my back often, Maur."

"What does that mean?"

"I've always been the one giving, not receiving."

"How fair is that?"

Jane shrugged. "It works for me. I'm cool with it."

"Alright." Maura said and started to pull away again, but Jane held her closer.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to take it off."

Jane looked at her for an extremely long time before she finally nodded and released her. She just turned over in bed, facing away from Maura. She swore lightly under her breath and pulled the covers over her body.

Maura sat there watching her. Watching how her slim body moved under the covers. Watching how she'd periodically run her fingers through her hair and sigh heavily. Maura knew she was frustrated. She knew she wanted her but couldn't get past her own goddamn hang-ups about being the dominant one. Dominant one her ass.

She laid back down in bed and scooted closer to Jane. She reached out and touched her underneath the covers. Her hand landed on her thigh. Jane jumped when she felt Maura scoot closer and spoon her tightly.

"You're a persistent little shit, aren't you?"

Maura laughed and pressed her lips into the back of Jane's neck. "You know me better than anyone."

"That I do." Jane sighed when Maura's tongue traced the outline of her shoulders while she placed soft kisses all along them.

Maura's gripped her shoulders and pulled her back against her lips, her nails dug lightly into Jane's arms. "I love the way you feel." She whispered to her.

Jane reached back and cupped her head as her kisses now trailed alongside her face, concentrating on her ear on the area below it. "You're playing with fire." She warned.

"I don't mind the heat." She reached around and cupped Jane's breast, firmly kneading her flesh the way she discovered she liked. She pinched Jane's nipple slightly, soliciting a soft moan from her lips.

"I like that." Jane whispered. "Do it again."

Instead of doing as Jane asked, Maura pulled her over onto her back. Jane looked at her. She looked partly stunned and partly excited.

"I know you're used to calling the shots, but I don't want to do what you tell me to do."

"What?"

"I believe I spoke clearly."

Jane swallowed hard.

Maura kissed her softly, reminding her why she was here with her in the first place. It was because she wanted her here. And because she belonged here with her. And not with anyone else.

Jane grasped her and pulled her deeper into the kiss. Her body arched towards Maura's. Maura answered her call by gliding her hand down the front of her. Jane released her lips and moaned softly.

"Fuck, Maur—" she sighed.

Maura kissed her on the tip of her nose, and then her lips, and then her chin. Her neck. Her collarbone(s). Down. Down. To her breast. Maura felt Jane drive her fingers through her hair, pausing her descent down her body. She wanted her to spend a little time there.

Maura orbited Jane's hard nipple with her tongue before clamping it gently between her teeth. Jane let out another moan which was a little louder than the one before. She remedied the pleasurable pain she'd just caused her by sucking it into her mouth. She twirled it quickly over her tongue and then sucked it deep into her mouth.

Jane's body started moving more beneath her. She glanced up to see her staring down at her. It was the same look she always gave her. The look of absolute trust and love. It was the look she'd grown to love over the past decade and even more so over the past few months.

She released it and kissed her way back up to her lips. She took them, holding them securely in a kiss which told Jane that she should just let go and trust her. She really wanted Jane to let go and trust her. She didn't want that woman to be the last person who Jane remembered making love to her. She wanted to erase all memories of her. If not all, then at least one.

Jane ran her hands up and down Maura's back. Her nails dragged up. And then back down. She was marking her in yet another way to claim her ownership of her. Jane pulled away gasping for much needed air.

Maura made her way back down, this time moving quickly to reach the spot where she wanted to be. She stopped an inch below Jane's navel. Her lips pressed firmly against her belly as she anticipated tasting her for the first time. So many thoughts and questions about what she tasted like streamed through her mind. But in order to truly know, she had to taste for herself.

Jane moaned deeply the moment Maura's tongue snaked down the front of her clit. She parted Jane's soft velvety folds and circled her clit like a predator circling its next meal. She pressed into it, forcing it from the protection of it hooded environment. Out there in the open, it was at Maura's mercy. And she had none.

She was hungry to taste her. Hungry to devour her. Hungry to feel her juices flow all over her tongue. Jane clenched her hair and dropped several expletives off of her tongue that it even made Maura blush. She was moaning and groaning loudly. Her voice was shaky. No real words form on her lips. The only words recognizable were: Maura… Maura… I love you. Don't stop.

Jane seemed to struggle to control herself. After every outburst, she'd breathe deeply and mumble to herself. She grabbed Maura's head and dragged her lips across her hardening clit. Whatever Maura did with her technique, Jane's body reacted positivity to it. Her clit was hard and red hot.

Maura released it. "I go where I want to go." She said.

Jane groaned and tried to pull Maura's head closer, but Maura resisted. Eventually, she sighed and released her hair. She was rewarded when Maura picked up where she left off. Jane reached out to grab the sheets, but Maura grasped her hand instead.

Jane laced her fingers with hers as Maura pulled their joined hands down to Jane's belly, where she rested them right there. Her rapid licks and kisses, slowed down to slow and sensual strokes of her tongue. Jane trembled and moaned above her. Jane's hips rocked against Maura's mouth. Jane was getting so close; she could taste it.

She detached and moved back to her lips. She kissed her. Their tongues danced together and battled for dominance. Maura's won. She caressed the top ridges of Jane's mouth before pulling away. She rested her head against Jane's. Jane was breathing heavily and staring into her eyes.

"Your pussy is sweeter than I thought it would be." Maura whispered against Jane's lips. "I love having the taste of you on my tongue."

"Oh fuck…"

Maura positioned herself between Jane's legs. "I want more."

"More?" Jane asked breathlessly.

"Let me get inside of you. I won't disappoint you."

"Oh god, Maura."

"Please let me fuck you, baby?"

Jane let out a whimper that was so unlike her. She had no idea Maura could talk like this! "Okay."

Maura smiled and latched on to her lips. "That's a yes?"

"Yes, damn it." Jane growled and kissed her harder. "Fuck me, Maura." Jane opened her legs slightly, inviting her in.

Maura maneuvered herself so she could slip inside of her. She could feel the resistance of Jane's body. Although Jane had said yes with her lips, her body still wanted Maura to prove that she was worthy of being inside of her.

Their lips crashed together hungrily while Maura exerted much effort to push inside of her. Jane yanked at her hair and pulled her in closer. "I love you." Maura said. Her voice quivered with an emotion that was quickly consuming her.

The bullet was vibrating, the ridges were grinding her, Jane's body was pulling her in. It was all absolutely and positively overwhelming. She lifted Jane's leg, repositioned herself and thrusted at a different angle.

Jane cried out. Actually, she may have screamed Maura's name. Her nails dug into her back.

"god you feel so good, Jane."

"So do you."

"Do you like the way I'm fucking you?"

"Harder."

Maura groaned and picked up her pace. By now, Jane's body had accepted all of her. She was pounding her with a ferocious pace. She suddenly remembered a position she came across in her online research. She took Jane's feet and placed her soles against her chest. She pressed against her so Jane's knees could go back as far as her chest and rest there.

Maura leveraged herself and pushed into Jane. At this angle, Jane had no control whatsoever. She was completely at Maura's mercy. And with this, she did have a measure of mercy. She pounded against Jane the way she wanted. She kept asking for it to be harder and deeper, so she gave it to her.

The bullet was doing its job. Maura was nearing her second climax tonight.

"I'm getting so close." Jane warned her.

Maura kept at it. She listened to her moans and her whimpers. And the closer they came, signaled the closer Jane was to coming. Jane's body flashed with goosebumps; her pussy flushed red. Maura had a choice. Finish her like this or…

She pulled Jane's legs down and fell into her arms. She slowed her pace to slow and deep strokes. Her mind had tricked her into thinking she had a dick, so much so she was thinking of how good it was going to feel to come inside of her.

Jane gazed into her eyes and smiled as Maura made love to her. Her technique mirrored her personality.

"You are so beautiful," Maura said.

"Oh Maur," Jane sighed. Her body trembled. Her eyes threatened to roll back in her head. "I can't last much longer."

"Good. Come for me, Baby."

"Oh jesus, Maur." Her body tensed up.

"That's it. Let it go." She whispered.

"Ahh… Yes… Fuck. Maura!" Jane yelled out. She'd lost all control of everything. "I'm coming!"

Maura continued to stroke deep inside. She felt Jane's body clenching rhythmically around her. She loved that feeling. Her contractions kept pulling at Maura until her climax came rushing in sooner than she expected. It caught her off guard and all she could do was push in deeper to intensify the sensation.

Jane grasped her by the hair and dug her nails in as Maura plunged blindly into her as wave after wave of her orgasm washed over her. Her climax was strong. Stronger than the previous one. They finished together, each one taken to entirely different parts of the universe only to be returned here together.

Maura collapsed into Jane's arms. She felt like she was about to pass out. She shivered and trembled in Jane's embrace.

"Holy fucking hell…" Jane whispered.

That was by far the best compliment Maura has heard in a long time. She yanked the doe out of her tossed it onto the nightstand. She rested her head back into the safety of Jane's breasts. Her head spun. The entire room spun.

She just wanted to lay here with Jane forever.

"I'm so glad we're here together, Maur."

"Me too." She whispered.

While Jane lazily ran her fingers through her hair, the world around Maura started to dim around her.

"Can you give me one reason why you love me like you do?" Jane asked.

After a short pause. "I can't." Maura answered.

"Why not?"

"Too many to count right now. Plus, my brain has melted into soup."

Jane chuckled and pulled the blankets over them.

"Ask me in the morning and I'll share with you the many reasons why I love you."

"Deal."

"Goodnight, my love."

"Goodnight, Baby. Sweet dreams."

* * *

To all who requested Maura's turn, This is how I imagine her to be.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_(I appreciate every constructive critical review that I've received because of the use of the "thing" during their first time. While I truly respect each and every one of you's opinion, I wrote those scenes because they felt right for me writing them. Please be patient and enjoy the story. It's almost over. Thx)_

Jane sat at the island and nibbled on her breakfast. She'd gotten up early and made breakfast for Maura and herself. She wanted to beat her to doing it this time. She couldn't stop replaying the events of last night and early this morning in her mind. She'd lost control, at first involuntarily and then willingly giving Maura what she wanted.

She couldn't believe she'd done it like that. Every sort of scenario she'd played out in her mind, flew out of the window as soon as Maura took control of her heart. She'd never in her life relinquished everything for just one person. But Maura wasn't just anybody.

She sighed heavily and stuffed a forkful of home fries into her mouth. Maura looked up at her and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She answered quickly.

"You say that but, that's the fifth time you've sighed in the last three minutes." Maura said softly.

"Oh, you've been counting?" Jane laughed a little under her breath and took a sip of coffee.

Maura responded with silence. Her eyes gently searched Jane's for an answer for her distance. Everything about Jane's body language said that she was uncomfortable. But with what? "I would like for you to communicate with me if there's something that I did that has you this way."

"What way?" Jane asked.

"Like this. You won't even look at me."

It was then that Jane realized that she was staring at her plate. She glanced up at Maura to see a concerned expression on her face. This is exactly what she was trying to avoid. Maura feeling concern over anything. She knew better. She shook her head and sighed again. This caused Maura to get up out of her seat and come to her. She put her arm around her and tugged her close.

"Did I do something wrong?" She whispered.

Jane's heart tugged in her chest. Hearing Maura utter those words made her angry at herself. She was angry at herself for internalizing what she was feeling at the moment instead of talking to her about it. Angry at herself for losing control. Angry at herself for caring that she lost control for Maura.

"Jane?" Maura called her softly.

"Oh. No, Maur. You did nothing wrong. I'm just thinking a lot of stuff, you know."

"What stuff?"

She knew she would ask. And she also knew that she knew what it was about. But there was no way in hell she was just going to dump all of her feelings on her the morning after, and risk making her feel self-conscious. She had to collect herself.

Jane swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "Are you done eating?"

"Yes."

She stood and took Maura's hand. "Come, let's go sit down for a minute." She led her over to the couch and sat down. She held Maura's hand and pulled her closer. She pressed her lips against hers and gave her a tender and reassuring kiss.

"You're scaring me." Maura said.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. It's nothing bad."

Maura nodded briskly. A soft sigh of relief escaped her lips. "What is it then?"

"I have so many thoughts running around in my head, Baby, and I'm trying my best not to sound like a babbling idiot."

Maura laughed a little and squeezed her hand. "Just say what's on your mind."

Jane looked down at their conjoined hands and then back up at her. She was waiting patiently, anticipating whatever she was going to say, and still somewhat hoping it wasn't something negative.

"I had a wonderful time last night."

Maura smiled. "I did too. It was more than I expected."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. But." Jane cleared her throat and looked longingly into her eyes. God, she didn't want to hurt her or make her feel weird. She just wanted to convey her thoughts and words in a way that made sense to her.

"But what?" A frown of concern creased her brow.

"Although I'm happy about how it happened, it's not how I had imagined it to happen between us for our first time."

Her frown increased. "I don't understand."

"I wasn't intending on using the doe just yet, Maur. I had imagined us working up to that. But we just dove right in!"

"What's wrong with that?" Maura released her hands and sat back on the couch a little. Not too far, but far enough for Jane to know she was not happy with the way the conversation was going. "It would be different if I'd never used a toy before but I have."

"Yeah but not like that, and not on someone."

"What difference does it make?"

"I don't think you were ready for it."

Maura laughed and pushed herself off of the couch. "You seemed to think I was ready for it last night!"

Jane ran her hand through her hair and groaned. This conversation wasn't going at all like she'd hoped.

"You're right, I was all in too, but in my mind, I wanted something totally different with you for the first time."

"What did you want from me, Jane? Huh? Did you want me to be some purring little kitten who was just going to lay there and be pleased and not want to give you something in return?"

"What? No."

"If so, then you should have just told me. I felt so comfortable with you and us last night. That's why I just gave you everything I had. I used it on you because I was curious yes. But I also wanted to please you. I thought that's what you wanted too."

Jane could hear the hurt in Maura's voice as she turned away from her and gazed out of the window. Her heart twisted in her chest. Just knowing that her discombobulated thoughts has caused Maura pained tore at her heart.

She got up quickly and walked over to her. She took her by the arms. "Baby, please turn around."

Maura sighed deeply and turned to face her. She looked up into her eyes and Jane saw the confusion in them. "Tell me the truth, Jane."

"The truth about what?"

"Do you regret last night with me?"

"Oh my god," Jane caressed her face, but Maura eyes stayed sternly fixed on hers. "Baby, I don't regret making love to you last night. It's just, I feel as though I shouldn't have gone all in like that. I lost control and I didn't want you to see me like that."

Maura said nothing.

"No one has ever seen me like that. I've never given up so much for one person ever."

"What was so wrong with giving in to pleasure with me?"

"Nothing!" Her voice raised a little and she had to bite her lip in order to reign herself back. "I wanted to hold off on that, you know, but I knew you wanted it. I could tell."

"Didn't you buy it to use with me?"

"Of course I did, but—" Jane felt like she wasn't making sense. She turned and walked a few steps away from her. She had to distance herself. She couldn't think straight looking into her eyes. She didn't know what was happening to her.

"But what?" Maura pressed. "If you bought it to use with me, then what is the issue here?"

"God, Maur, you don't understand."

"You're right, I don't understand. To me it seems like you're upset because you actually enjoyed me making love to you."

"I'm not upset." Jane said softly.

"Then what it is?"

Jane sighed and sat down on the edge of the couch. "Okay." She ran her trembling fingers through her hair and looked up into Maura's eyes. From the look in them, Maura surely discerned that Jane needed her close at that moment, so she came closer and stood next to her.

"In my previous relationship, I was used to being the one who took control, yes. But when we did things the way we did them, it was just me, you know. And that seemed to work for a while. Until she started craving more and started asking for toys. So, I would use one occasionally."

Maura touched her lightly on the leg when she noticed the tears surfacing in her eyes.

Jane sighed a little. "In my mind, I was just going to show you what it was like to be with me first. But I could really tell you wanted it. And it really turned me on thinking of how you wanted it so bad. And I wanted to give it to you."

Maura slipped down onto the couch beside her.

"And now I'm scared, Maur."

"Scared of what?"

Jane quickly swiped her eyes and cleared her throat softly. "I know you're into men. I know you love men. I know you don't like women. You only love me."

Maura sighed and squeezed Jane's leg.

"And I'm scared since we started off like this for our first time, and since I don't use things like that often in lovemaking, you might look up one day and realize you want to be with men again. And leave me."

"Jane." Maura said scooting over on the couch and pulling her down beside her. "You have nothing to be afraid of. What we did was so special to me, but not because of the doe. It was because of you."

Jane laughed lightly.

"I mean it. I felt the softness of your touch, the gentleness of your kiss, as well as the intensity of your love when you made love to me with your add-on. I experienced you on so many different levels. It was a wonderful feeling. It felt great to be filled up by you, yes. But it didn't leave me craving to be with a man. It left me craving more of you and of your touch and of your kisses and of your softness."

"Oh, Maur."

"My only craving is you. And if the truth is to be told, if you told me you don't ever want to use it again, I would be okay with that. Just as long as I have you, I don't need anything or anyone else."

"Yeah but will I be enough for you?"

"You are already enough for me."

Jane pressed her forehead against Maura's and sighed. "I would just die inside if—"

Maura cut her off with a kiss. "Don't even say it." She kissed her again. "I will never regret how we made love last night. And I hope you don't either. You completely blew my mind, Jane."

"You did the same to me." She whispered. Goosebumps lightly prickled Jane's skin. Maura ran her fingers along her arms, taking silent notice of them.

"You gave me what I was hoping for plus a lot more." Maura said and stole another kiss from her. Each kiss soothed her anxious heart a little bit more. Just like it always had.

"You completely shocked me." Jane said.

"I know. But you know what?"

"What?"

Maura tipped her chin so she could look her squarely in the eyes. "I would never want to share something like that with anyone but you."

"Really?"

"Yes. It was too special and too intimate to even think of sharing with anyone other than you."

Jane smiled and rubbed her nose against Maura's. "So how are we going to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Us?" Jane said.

Maura exhaled softly and kissed the tip of her nose. "I say we carry on just like we have been doing. Taking our time."

"And you'll be okay with being with just me?"

"I thought I've already answered that?"

"It's a big change from what you're used to, Baby."

"I know." Maura strummed her fingers through Jane's her. "I've considered the changes."

"Are you sure?"

Maura sighed deeply and brought Jane in for another kiss. "I am sure. Are you sure you want just me? Inexperienced and all?"

Jane chuckled. "I'm beginning to wonder if that was really your first time with a woman."

Maura swatted her playfully. "Oh, stop it."

They laughed together before silence fell over them. They just stared at each other smiling. Maura caressed Jane's hand while Jane's caressed her thigh.

"I love being with you, Maur. You make everything better for me."

"You do the same for me."

"I'm sorry, I was acting weird this morning. I didn't mean to make you feel like I regretted it. Because I don't."

"I know you don't, Love. And I do understand."

"You're the first person I've ever given in to like that before. It was scary and exciting all at the same time, because it was you, you know. And I knew you'd never hurt me."

"No. I will never hurt you."

"Sometimes my fears rear their ugly heads at the wrong times."

"I know all too well."

Jane pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly. "Promise me something okay, Maur?"

"Yes."

"If at any time, you want out, just let me know."

Maura pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes. "I've waited for this moment and this opportunity for a very long time. And now that it's here, I don't want to be anywhere else."

Jane smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you, Maura."

"I love you too, Jane."

All Jane wanted to do was crawl back into bed with her and sleep in her arms. She almost suggested it, but their phones began ringing to start their work day. She was hoping she'd get just a little more time with her; to extend their beautiful evening over into the next day, but crime & death waited for no one.

Suddenly, Jane became aware of how everything had dynamically changed between them and how now they would need to act "normal" at work. Maura wouldn't have any problem, because she was an expert at separating her personal life from her work life. Jane however was different. It would be tough, but it wouldn't be impossible.

"Looks like it's time to go to work," Maura said.

"Yep."

"Are we okay? I don't want to leave this unfinished if it is not."

Jane nodded. "Yes. We are okay, Baby."

Maura smiled. "I love it when you call me that."

"I love being able to." Jane received a soft kiss from Maura and smiled.

Maura caressed her cheek gently. "I know you're scared, but I promise you, I will never leave you. Not ever, okay?"

Jane nodded again. "Thank you."

"I should go and shower. Thank you for breakfast, Love. It was very delicious."

"You taught me well."

Maura hopped up from the couch and walked towards the back door. "I'll see you when you get to the precinct."

"Alright."

Maura blew her a kiss and disappeared out of the door. Jane sat there thinking about her and every wonderful thing about her. She thought of how understanding Maura was. How absolutely amazing she was. How she was the most exciting lover she'd ever had. Every thought that had crossed her mind was very good. She knew she really shouldn't worry about Maura leaving her.

Everything was still very fresh. And new. In the back of her mind, she thought maybe it was too soon after the other one. But her gut told her that it wasn't. And she usually went with her gut. Last night it told her not hold back and it was okay to surrender to Maura's passion. Her gut told her not to be afraid to let go. Not to be afraid to show Maura just how much she truly meant to her.

She got up from the couch and made her way to the bathroom. Every step of the way, the memories of her first time with Maura came alive again in her mind. Her heart flooded with excitement with the realization that nothing stood in the way now of them being together. Maura would be hers. And she would be Maura's. She felt a sense of peace and contentment wash over her.

Jane stood in front of the mirror and gazed at her reflection. She nodded as her mind finally harmonized with her heart and her gut. Maura's record of standing by her side was infallible. She'd been by her side through so many things. Never once wavering. Maura had proven herself as a trustworthy friend years ago. And last night, she'd proven herself as a capable lover in a most outstanding way. A way in which Jane would've never guessed she'd try. But she did. Maura had gone out on that last limb for Jane and she didn't fall off.

She smiled because her thoughts now brought her comfort instead of anxiety. They'd both dove right in, taking a complete and extreme leap of faith. And their leap together left neither one of them disappointed. Jane realized at that moment that she and Maura were finally completely harmonized. The love they have shared over the years (and now) was mutually strong and it could only get stronger.

"I'm so ready." Jane said to herself. "I'm so ready."

* * *

Thanks for reading this update! Things are calming down now. Seems I caused some irritation by making them use a toy for their first time. Perhaps I should have posted this update sooner, right after to show Jane's thoughts. (But dang it, I had to work! :-)) Either way, I'm glad most liked the updates! I am so happy to have written something that is enjoyable to read. That makes me feel good! Thank you all for both positive and constructive criticism.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

A couple of months had gone by since Jane and Maura's wonderful first night together. They'd taken their time, slowly getting accustomed to being together as a couple. It worked well for them. Maura loved Jane as she was. Just her. Everything about her. And Jane of course, loved everything about Maura.

Maura was a lot more domesticated than Jane had imagined she would be. Maura preferred to cook the meals because it was another way for her to express her love for Jane. And Jane didn't mind that at all. Jane spent most days at Maura's house and she slept most nights in her bed. Some nights however, she still made her way to her place and slept in her own bed.

Working with her wasn't as bad either. They had a wonderful understanding of each other. Simple nods of the head, or winks of the eye conveyed secret messages only they could decode. Jane worked all day with her and came home and spent all night with her. It was the most satisfying feeling coming home to Maura and knowing that she would both fall asleep and wake up in her arms.

Jane sighed and glanced down at her phone. The alert flashed again, lighting up her phone. Today marked six months since Ma passed. The days got easier, but she was still missed. She didn't talk about it much, because she didn't want to bring gloomy clouds into their day. Maura was aware of almost everything that Jane was feeling. This morning, Jane's alarm was set for 3am, but Maura awakened her at 2:45. She awakened to Maura's soft kisses on her skin, her sweet expressions of love being whispered into her ear, and her tender touches in places where Jane needed her touch most.

Maura made love to her in the wee hours of the morning. Gently and slowly loving away Jane's anxieties and stresses. And she had lots of them lately.

There was a case that just came to them. A woman murdered. Bludgeoned to death in her home while her husband was running routes for his delivery company. She was expecting. Robbery looked like the motive, but no suspect popped up on the radar yet. This frustrated Jane. And Maura.

Maura had done her part. She'd autopsied the body, made her scientific conclusions, and given Jane what she needed to work with. But Jane couldn't find the guy. Jane wondered perhaps if it was because her mind was clouded thinking about Ma, or maybe something else. She didn't really know why she couldn't figure it out. Every lead led to a dead end.

She tapped her pen on her desk and sighed deeply.

"Hey Jane?" Korsak called her from across the room.

"Yeah?"

"You wanna cut out for the day? You look tired."

"No, I don't. I gotta find this guy who killed Vanessa and her baby."

Korsak cleared his throat and got up from his desk. He approached her cautiously, as if she were some wounded animal that could lash out against a helping hand. He pulled up a chair beside her and sighed.

She glanced over at him briefly before gluing her eyes back to the folder.

"Jane?"

"Yes?" She answered without looking up at him.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine, why?"

"I know today is six months. I thought you'd stay at home today."

"Why would I? I got a case to solve if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah, I know, but you've been working straight since Angela died and –"

Jane tossed her hand up, stopping his comment in mid-sentence. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to entertain the thought. Especially not when she had to find a murderer of an innocent woman and her baby.

"I'm good. Now if you don't mind, I have work to do." She answered sharply.

Korsak nodded and got up. "Alright." He said before retreating back to his desk.

Jane could feel his eyes on her. But honestly, she didn't care if she pissed him off or offended him. She had to concentrate.

She opened the folder and glanced at Maura's autopsy notes. The way this woman was murdered was so violent. Even though robbery was the presumed motive, the way the killer beat her made Jane think this murder was personal. But why?

When Jane heard the clicks of Maura's heels approaching, she realized she'd forgotten about their lunch date. They were just going to have a bite to eat in the café, but Jane hated going to the café to eat. Everything about the place reminded her of Ma. She looked up and was greeted with the beautiful smile belonging to her beautiful sweetheart.

"Hey." Jane said.

"Hi." Maura greeted her. She sat in the chair Korsak had left by her desk. "I came to check on you. You're late for lunch."

Jane glanced down at her watch. It was twenty minutes past their scheduled meeting time. "I'm sorry, I got caught up in this." She tapped her fingers on the folder.

"Still haven't located the killer?"

"No." She answered blankly.

"Perhaps one of the other leads will pan out."

"Perhaps…" Jane said quietly.

Maura almost reached over and took her hand, but she grabbed a stress ball instead and squeezed it in her hands. "Let's go have some lunch, Love." She whispered softly. "It'll make you feel better."

"Solving this case will make me feel better."

Maura sighed deeply and squeezed the ball tightly in her hands. "Jane?"

Jane had been avoiding her eyes since the moment she planted her beautiful self in front of her. She didn't want to start thinking of Maura now on top of everything else. She had to keep her mind clear. She glanced up and instantly her eyes hypnotized her. Maura smiled at her. She probably knew the effect she had on her.

"Yes, Baby?" Jane answered her softly.

Maura chuckled a bit and glanced around her. No one heard what Jane had called her, but it was still thrilling to have her call her that right there in the middle of the bullpen.

Jane smiled in return.

"Lunch will be lonely without you. And plus, we could brainstorm and maybe figure this out together?"

Jane nodded. It was an appealing proposition, but she had to focus and she couldn't focus with Maura right now. "I'm going to have to take a raincheck."

Maura's eyes fell sadly into her lap. "Okay."

"I promise to make it up to you tonight." Jane said with a smile. She meant by making dinner, but she left it up to Maura to interpret it however she wanted to interpret.

Maura's cheeks blushed slightly and she cleared her throat softly. "Well, now that you've promised me that, I'll be happy to give you a raincheck."

Jane winked at her, her eyes immediately falling to Maura's lips. She wished that she could steal a kiss from her without anyone noticing. But the odds of that were slim to none. She sighed, nodded and sat back in her chair.

"I'll see you when I get home." Jane said softly.

"Don't work too hard, Love."

"I'll try not to."

Maura got up from the chair and smoothed out her garment. She placed the stress ball down on Jane's desk. "I'm going back to the café. I left my lunch on the table."

"Sorry. Next time."

"Absolutely." She chirped.

Jane smiled at her. Maura looked so happy. She was always happy. She was her happiness. Whenever Jane started feeling blue, all she had to do was think about Maura or talk to Maura or hug her. And she felt better again. Maura was a complex and magnificent human being, and yet so simple at the same time. All she needed was Jane and her love to make her happy.

Jane mouthed the words, I love you, and tossed the ball into the air.

"I love you more." Maura responded and walked out of the bullpen.

Jane watched her walk off. Her cheeks started hurting from the smile that was on her face. She didn't even realize she was smiling. When she pulled her eyes away from the door, she caught sight of Korsak watching her. His eyebrow was arched. He flashed a knowing grin at her and went back to his computer.

Jane shook her head and leaned back in her chair. She rubbed her eyes. They burned with exhaustion. She'd be at it since 5am. She needed that break with Maura. She exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. Perhaps if she rested her eyes for a moment, all would be okay. She leaned forward and laid her head on her desk.

Korsak said nothing. He knew she needed the rest. She exhaled all of her frustrations and thought good and cleansing thoughts. Soon all she could see was darkness, like she was floating through space.

The next thing she knew, she was being shaken awake. She jumped up, startled. Her heart raced as she looked up into the eyes of Korsak.

"Jane! Wake up!" His voice was panicked and extremely loud.

"What? What is it?" She pushed blindly out of her chair. When her brain woke up, she realized that there was a commotion going on in the bullpen. Detectives were running out of the door with guns drawn. "What the fuck is happening?" Her voice also now sounded panicked.

She saw Frankie bolting past the door heading towards the café.

"There's a situation in the café. You need to get down there."

"The café?" Jane hardly had a chance to grab her jacket before he yanked her arm. "What situation?"

"Vanessa's husband was demanding attention to the case; he was told to leave. He stopped off in the café and took a hostage."

"Oh my god. What?"

This was Jane's worst nightmare when it came to a case she'd been working on. A relative of the deceased becoming so distraught over stalled progress that it causes them to do something terrible. She should have worked harder to find the killer of his family.

Jane was halfway down the corridor when Korsak stopped her. "Maura is the hostage."

Jane felt like she'd been shot straight through the heart. "What?" She thought she'd heard him wrong. She really did.

"Maura was eating lunch, and he took her hostage, and started asking to talk to the person in charge of this case."

"Why didn't they call me before this happened?"

"I'm sorry, Jane. You were resting. I knew you needed the rest. So, I sent him away."

Jane started trembling. She was not ready for this. Today was not a good day for anything to go wrong. She took a moment to compose herself. She was going to treat this situation just like she would treat any other situation. Professionally and with a clear mind.

The closer she drew to the café, the more nervous she became. Just on the other side of those doors, a distraught husband and father was holding her girlfriend at gunpoint, because she had failed. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced those thoughts out of her mind. She tried her best to clear everything, but thoughts of how Maura wouldn't have been seized if she'd just taken her ass down to the café and had lunch with her, forced through.

Her heart seized up inside of her chest. She pounded her chest lightly with her closed fist, trying to encourage her heart to start beating properly again.

Eyes were on her as she approached the door. Her heart felt sick when she saw Maura being held by Peter, Vanessa's husband. He wasn't a very tall man. When she first met him, he reminded her of a shorter Frankie. He was soft spoken and polite. But now, his kind eyes now blazed with disappointment and sadness. His voice was loud and piercing as he warned the armed policemen not to come any closer or he'd surely end her life.

Jane stepped cautiously into his view. Her eyes stayed fixed on him.

"Back off!" He yelled at her. "Or I swear to god, I'll shoot her."

Jane raised her hands, palms facing them and nodded. "Calm down, Peter."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" He pulled Maura tighter against him and pressed the gun against her head.

Maura whimpered and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. A tear streaked down her face. He was hurting her and there was nothing Jane could do immediately about it. Jane glanced around her at the dozens of policemen with their guns pointing at him. One wrong move and Maura would be caught in the crossfire.

"Talk to me, please."

"Why should I talk to you? You didn't do anything about what happened to my wife! And my kid! I want to talk to whoever is in charge of her case."

"I am." Jane said calmly. "I'm the one who's in charge of this case."

Peter tightened his chokehold on Maura and glared at Jane.

"Please, Peter. Please don't hurt her." Jane waved off the other policemen. "Come on. Please let's talk about this."

Maura's whimpers reached his ears and he seemed a bit disturbed by them. She pleaded with him not to hurt her.

"Shut up!" He yelled at her. "Please just shut up."

One by one, Jane waved off the policemen. Slowly each one backed out of the café. After a couple of minutes, it was only him, her and Maura. He had her in a tight hold, her body acted as a shield from any bullets that may be shot at him.

"I am trying so hard to find who did this to your wife, Peter." Jane's voice was soft and kind. She could feel his pain. His family was all he had.

"No, you're not. It's been almost two weeks! What is it? Was my family not powerful enough, important enough, rich enough!"

Jane stepped closer. "They are very important to me. I am so sorry for what happened to them, Peter. No one should ever have to go through what they went through. My heart hurts for you too. But I swear to you, we have been working tirelessly to find the person responsible for taking the lives of your wife and little baby."

He choked up a bit, and his grip loosened just slightly on Maura.

"She was all I had." He said.

Jane stepped even closer. He glanced down at her weapon on her hip. She reached for it. He pulled back in warning.

"I mean you no harm. I just want to put my gun down." He watched her carefully as she carefully drew her weapon and placed it on the ground. Her eyes stayed fixed on his. "See, I promise you. Nothing will happen to you as long as I'm here."

"I don't care if something happens. She was all I had!"

"I am so sorry."

"I met her in the first grade. Nobody liked me, you know, but she did. It was like love at first sight for me and now she's gone."

"I know that must be hard."

"What do you know? You haven't lost someone you spent your whole life loving!"

Jane glanced over at Maura. Maura silently pleaded with her to do what she did best and neutralize him. But she couldn't risk getting Maura hurt. When he readjusted the barrel against Maura's head, Jane saw a bruise in the same spot.

Jane wanted to say so many things to him, but she had to choose her words carefully. She couldn't think about the fact that he was holding the love of her life at gunpoint. Or maybe that's exactly what she had to think about..

"I know you loved Vanessa so very much, but would she want you to do this?"

"She's dead!"

"She wouldn't want you to go down this path before we're able to find her killer."

"She was all I had." He repeated. Tears filled his eyes. And his hands trembled. "I'm all alone now."

"What would she want you to do, Peter?"

He groaned and released his grip on Maura a little. Jane expected Maura to fight out of his grip any minute now, so she needed to give her something to work with.

"Not this." He whispered.

Jane nodded and sighed a sigh of relief inside.

"Please let her go."

"They're going to kill me if I let her go." He tipped his head towards the policemen standing by the door. Frankie and Korsak was in front.

"No they won't. I promise you. They will not hurt you."

"I don't want to live. My wife is gone. My kid is gone. I have nothing left."

"Do you know who she is?" Jane said pointing to Maura and stepping closer.

"No."

"Her name is Dr. Maura Isles. She's the chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts."

He swallowed hard. He got the point. She was important. She was important to the Commonwealth, to the governor, to the precinct, but most importantly she was important to Jane.

"She's a pretty important person." She was just three steps away from him. She was so close; she could smell his cologne. She could see the tears in his eyes. She could see how the vein in his forehead twitched as his blood rushed through it. "She's important to me." She said to him.

Maura's eyes met hers. She knew their colleagues could hear, but she didn't care.

"I want justice for my family."

"And you will get it the right way. Hurting her will not bring justice for them. It will only bring more heartache for those who love her."

His lips trembled and he blinked his tears out of his eyes. "Vanessa was my heart. She was my life."

"I know," She nodded, "I know it hurts, Peter." She took one more step closer. In this position, she could easily wrestle him away from Maura. "But if you kill Dr. Isles in cold blood, you'll make yourself just like the person who killed Vanessa. Do you want that?"

He shook his head. "No." he choked out.

"And if you do this, you'll cause me to feel the same pain you're feeling because Dr. Isles is my heart, Peter." Jane confessed to him. "She is the love of my life, and I can't let you kill her right in front of me like this. This is not who you are."

He searched her eyes for deception, but Jane left herself open and vulnerable to him, and to everyone. Jane's heart broke for him. He blinked away his tears as he loosened his grip more on her. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just miss them."

"I know…" She spoke gently. "We can end this right here."

"They'll kill me."

"They won't. I'll make sure of it."

"Promise me, you'll find who took my family away from me."

"I promise." Jane said reaching for the gun. "Please give me the gun and release her." Jane's heart was drumming inside of her chest.

He just looked at her. His hands were shaking. Sweat streamed down his face. He glanced over Jane's shoulder to see the police still standing their ground.

"Please don't take her away from me. I promise I will find who did this to Vanessa and your baby."

"Kyle." He whispered. "We were going to name him Kyle."

Tears formed in Jane's eyes and she nodded briskly. "I promise you; I will find whoever it was who did this to Vanessa and Kyle. And I'll make sure they are prosecuted to the fullest extent allowed by the law."

After a few long seconds, Peter handed over the gun to Jane and released Maura from his grip. Jane grabbed Maura and yanked her away from him. She sighed with relief and motioned for Frankie to come and get her. She wanted to treat this as delicately as possible. She didn't want him to be hurt. She was going to keep her promise to him and bring justice for his family.

He stood with his head hung low. She touched him on the arm and told him it was going to be okay. And she meant it. A couple of uniforms came in and took him by the arms.

"Put him in a cell. Give him something to eat and get him a psych-eval. He just lost his wife and son and he's under a lot of stress right now." The uniforms nodded in agreement and cuffed him. He was led out of the café followed closely behind by a half dozen policemen.

As she watched him disappear down the hall, her thoughts came back to Maura. She was standing off in the corner with Frankie. She was trembling and sniffling. Jane walked over to her and touched her lightly on the arm.

Maura turned and looked at her. Her eyes were reddened. The right side of her temple was bruised. She attempted to smile at Jane, but she just choked up with tears.

Jane pulled her into her arms. "Shh…" She consoled her. She glanced around them and saw there were still a few policemen standing around, including Vince and Frankie. "It's over now, Baby."

"I thought he was going to kill me." Maura whispered.

Jane pulled away from her and cupped her face. "I would have never allowed that. Do you hear me? He would have never hurt you." Jane felt her heart swelling inside of her chest. She didn't want to admit it, but she thought he was going to kill Maura too. She thought it was a weird twist of fate for this to happen on the six-month anniversary of Ma's passing. It was as if someone was screwing with her mind and her heart.

She was more frightened than she allowed to show. For the first time in six months, she again started praying. This time she was begging for the life of her best friend and lover. And she was so thankful she was seen worthy enough to have her request granted.

Maura nodded and squeezed the tears out of her eyes.

Jane leaned in and pressed her lips against hers. Maura gasped with surprise, because certainly she didn't think Jane would kiss her in front of their colleagues. But this situation was different. Jane almost lost her and had to negotiate for her life. Peter had nothing to lose so the odds of him taking Maura's life were extremely high.

Their colleagues looked on as they shared a very emotional kiss together. Jane didn't care if they saw, and she certainly didn't care if they talked. She wasn't ashamed of her love for Maura. They'd worked closely together for over a decade, so closely in fact, that this kiss shouldn't have come as a surprise.

Maura was the first to pull away. She gazed into Jane's eyes. Her entire body trembled from her ordeal. Jane knew what she needed. She knew what they both needed. She wrapped her arm around Maura and guided her out of the door.

"Let's go home." She whispered to her.

"Thank you."

Jane took notice of no one else as she led Maura through the hallways and down to the morgue and to her office. She took no notice of anyone as they walked hand in hand past the bullpen and out the front door. After what had just happened, she dared anyone to ask her to stay at work. She didn't want to be at work. The only place she wanted to be was home, with Maura in her arms and keeping her safe. In the back of her mind, she had a nagging thought of giving up everything – The crimefighting, the career, the excitement of the job—Just to live a peaceful life with her. She was tired of people putting guns to Maura's head and knives to her throat.

She was done. She still planned to keep her promise and solve the case, but Maura came first. Maura always came first. And nothing would change that.

* * *

I'll be concluding this story within the next two chapters. I'm going to incorporate some great suggestions that I've read in reviews & PMs. Thanks so much for your support. Writing is fun and hard.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Maura rode the entire way home in silence. Jane knew that she didn't want to talk. She just sat in the passenger's seat and gazed out of the window. Five minutes into the drive home, Jane reached over and took her hand. Maura tightened her grip and pulled their joined hands into her lap where they stayed the entire trip.

When they arrived, Maura hopped out of the car and made a b-line for the house. Jane followed behind and locked the doors behind them. Maura found a seat on the couch and hid her face in her hands. Jane walked over and sat down beside her.

She put her arm around her and scooted closer. "You okay, Baby?" She whispered. She placed a soft kiss on Maura's temple, the bruised side and grazed her lips across it.

"I don't know." Maura said.

"Tell me what you're feeling right now."

Maura looked up at her. Her eyes were reddened and threatening to shed tears. "I feel a variety of emotions right now, Jane. It's difficult to pinpoint which I'm experiencing mostly."

Jane looked into her eyes. Just an hour ago, she was looking into them, and thinking it was going to be for the last time. The senses of dread and fear she felt were so overwhelming she wishes never to return to a place like that… Ever.

"One minute I'm eating lunch, and the next, he's holding me at gunpoint."

"I know." She said softly and pulled her closer.

"I mean, do I have a sign on my forehead which tells people I'm the perfect hostage? Do people see me as being vulnerable and unable to defend myself?"

Jane sighed. "No."

"Then what is it?" Maura's voice elevated a bit. "Over the last ten years you and I have known each other, how many times has someone taken me hostage or tried to hurt me?"

Jane nodded. She knew she'd better not try to dilute the truth for Maura. It was a strange occurrence. Maura was always a target. Deep down, Jane knew why.

"How many, Jane?"

"A lot, Baby."

"And I don't understand why? Why do people always try to hurt me?"

Jane knew why. It was because Maura was too close to her. A majority of the occurrences only happened because she was Jane's best friend. She was the closest person to her. Even closer than her mother.

Memories flooded through her mind. She thought about when Hoyt had both her and Maura held up in the hospital. He'd studied her for years and finally found a weakness. He was aware of how much Maura meant to Jane. As much as Maura was her strength, she was also her weakness. And that's why he did want he did to her in the hospital bed. He wanted Jane to feel a type of pain that would never go away. The pain of seeing someone you love die right in front of your eyes.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut and forced the memories out of her head. She couldn't answer her. She couldn't tell her the truth as to why. "Shh..." She caressed her gently in her arms. "I'm so sorry about what happened, but it's over now."

"Until the next time."

Jane's heart seized up inside of her chest. "It won't happen again, I promise you."

Maura laughed and pulled away from her. "You can't promise me that, Jane!" she pushed herself off of the couch and walked into the kitchen. She paced for a minute before she grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured her some wine.

"Yes, I can. It won't happen again."

"That's what you said the last time, after Harris kidnapped me!"

Jane felt her insides groan. That was such a dark time. Again, Maura had been identified as her weakness and they took her. When she couldn't find her, her heart was literally drowning in despair. She didn't feel relief until she stumbled across her in that dark tunnel. She remembered the peace she felt the moment she took Maura into her arms and held her.

She did promise her then that she would make sure nothing like that ever happened to her again. She lowered her head and sighed. "I'm sorry, Maur. I don't know what to say."

Maura came back over and sat down next to her. "I'm not blaming you for what happened. I am just trying to show you that you can't promise me it'll never happen again, because it probably will. But I'm just afraid the next time or the next, I won't be so lucky." Maura brought the glass to her lips and sipped. Her hands trembled; her voice shook. Her eyes were wide with anxiety.

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth, Jane. If you hadn't been able to talk the gun away from him, he would have shot me."

Jane shook her head and looked away from her. She couldn't bear the look in her eyes. She was still afraid and a look of sadness was prevalent in them. "No." Jane tightened her fists and tapped her knees nervously. "I don't want to talk about that. Nothing is going to happen to you. You're just freaking out a little bit. Which is normal."

"Normal?" Maura gasped.

"Yes. Normal."

"If this is normal, then I don't want this!" Maura slammed her glass down on the table and got up and walked over to the window.

Jane waited for her to elaborate before responding. _What did she mean?_ Jane rose from her seat and joined her by the window. She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in for a tight embrace. She pressed her lips against her ear and whispered, _I love you so much_, to her.

Maura sighed deeply and sniffled.

"What don't you want?" Jane asked quietly.

Maura didn't answer.

Jane tightened her grip around her and inhaled the freshness of her scent into her nostrils. Her scent was one she'd grown to love and need. "Answer me." She pressed. "What don't you want? Me?"

"No, Jane." She answered quickly. "That's not what I meant."

"Then what is it?"

She tried to pulled away, but Jane's grip was too strong. Too stabilizing. "Just when I thought I'd gotten over being taken the last time, this happens. I can't be happy if I'm always living in fear of someone trying to kill me." Maura's hands came up and covered Jane's.

Jane nuzzled her face into the crook of her neck. She wanted so much to take her fears away from her. She wanted her to instantly feel safe and secure. But the truth was, Maura would never be truly safe as long as she was a target because of her loyalty to Jane.

Jane just held her and rocked her gently back and forth. This seemed to relax her a bit. Her last statement still hung in the air above them. She leaned her head against Jane's face and patted her hand gently.

"I need to go to bed."

"Okay." Jane whispered and released her.

"I'm going to shower first and try to get some sleep. I'll feel better after a nap."

Jane nodded. "Okay, Baby."

Jane felt responsible for what happened earlier. She knew that Maura would eventually tell her that it wasn't her fault what Peter did, but she knew it was. Not just Peter, but also Harris, Hoyt, and the others. It was all her fault. One way or the other, she'd failed and Maura got caught in the crossfire. She couldn't risk having it happen again. Never again.

"Are you coming too?" Maura said turning to face her.

"Yeah, I'll be there in a little while. I need to do something on the computer first."

Maura nodded and pressed her forehead against Jane's pursed lips. She received a tender kiss from her love and sighed contentedly. "Okay." She said.

Jane pulled her into a soft kiss. She'd kissed her a million times it seemed since they became lovers, but each time felt like the first. Powerful, heartwarming, and desired. After a few moments, Jane released her lips from the kiss and gazed into her eyes.

Maura caressed Jane's face with her trembling hands, her fingertips lightly grazed the outline of her face. She looked as though she were about to say something else, but she just smiled and pulled away.

"I promise I'll be there in a little bit. I just have to do something really important first."

Maura nodded. "I understand." She left Jane standing there and disappeared upstairs.

Jane thought about what she said after Maura left. This would be the last time she would ever utter those words to her: _"I just have to do something really important first."_ From this day forward, things would be different.

She took her seat at the island and opened her laptop. Something had been nagging her for a while regarding the case with Vanessa and Peter showing up today and doing what he did jarred her so much that it kicked her brain into hyperdrive. There was a piece of the puzzle that she'd seen dozens of times, but didn't recognize it as a clue. The way the nuzzle of the gun left a bruise on Maura's temple reminded her of something that was left on Vanessa's body.

She quickly scanned through hers and Maura's scanned notes, going back and rereading every single line. And then she saw it. A sense of relief washed over her. She grabbed her phone and composed a text to Korsak, letting him know that she may have just solved the case. She relayed the connections she had made and then sent the text.

She glanced down at her watch. Maura was probably just finishing up with her shower now and crawling into bed. Jane just had one more thing to do. She opened her email and composed a letter to the Lieutenant:

* * *

_Dear Lieutenant Cavanaugh,_

_While it has been a pleasure serving the Boston Police Department for the past twelve years, I regret to inform you that I will be stepping down from my position as detective with the Homicide Unit and continuing my professional career with an organization better suited to my needs and those of my family. Please accept this as my formal resignation. I will report to work tomorrow and discuss my resignation further. _

_Thank you,_

_Detective Jane C. Rizzoli_

* * *

She reread it a couple of times before finally pressing send. She felt so many emotions running through her body, but all she wanted now was to shower and climb into bed with Maura.

She turned off all the lights and made her way to their bedroom. When she entered, Maura was laying with her back to the door. Jane could see she was on her cell phone. Probably shopping. She smiled and dipped into the bathroom to shower. Fifteen minutes later she was all squeaky clean and feeling surprisingly refreshed. And free.

She stepped lightly over to the bed and climbed in. Maura's phone was now on the nightstand and she was cuddling her pillow. She scooted closer to her and wrapped her arm around her. She loved the feel of Maura's naked body against her own. She'd grown to love sleeping in the nude with her. It felt so intimate.

She kissed her softly on the shoulder. Just being this close to her made her feel emotional. She glanced over at the clock and it was going on 6pm. This was the earliest they'd ever gone to bed since they became a couple. But it was okay. If Maura wanted to be in the bed at this hour, then Jane would be with her.

"Are you sleeping?" Jane whispered.

"Not yet." She answered.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am, Love."

Jane placed soft kisses on her shoulder. She saw an immediate effect when Maura's skin prickled beneath her touch. "Did your shower relax you?"

"Yes, but not as much as you relax me." Maura said reaching back and resting her hand on Jane's thigh.

Jane laid her head beside her on the pillow. "I'm so sorry I didn't respond the right way downstairs. I heard everything you said, I just didn't want to think of anything happening to you."

"I understand." She whispered. She leaned back into Jane, so their warm bodies could be closer together. "I guess I was freaking out a bit, as you call it."

Jane caressed her belly, running her fingertips lightly along her soft skin. "I didn't mean to minimize your feelings."

"I didn't feel you were. But I would like for you to face the truth about what I said."

Jane responded by holding her tighter.

"Do you know what scared me most today?"

"What?"

Maura turned over slowly and gazed into Jane's eyes. She didn't say anything for a while as she gently caressed her face. Her eyes slowly filled with tears. "I was afraid that he was going to kill me right in front of you and you'd have to bear the loss of me along with the loss of Angela."

Jane swallowed hard and nodded. She feared the exact same thing. Her heart wouldn't have been able to bear it. "I'm so glad he didn't, because I would have just died inside if anything had happened."

Maura pulled Jane closer and touched her forehead against hers. She gave her a tender peck on the lips. "Thank you for saving me."

"You are the one who saved me." Jane said.

Maura pulled her in for a tight hug. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Baby." Jane settled her head onto Maura's shoulder. "Let's just stay like this forever." She said.

Maura laughed softly. "Like this?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"I could think of a few reasons why we couldn't stay like this forever. We'd dehydrate and starve to death."

"But at least we'll be together." They shared a laugh. "Oh, by the way, you never told me the reasons why you love me and want to be with me."

"Do you still need to know that?"

"Yes." Jane said leaning up on one arm. "I would like to know what you see in me."

"Well… There are many reasons."

"Uh huh, you've already said that."

"One of the reasons is whenever you're around me, I feel so much peace. None like anyone has every caused me to feel before."

"Aww."

"And along with the peace, I feel the love and the security of knowing that you are a loyal person and you love and want to be with me."

Jane smiled at her. She tried not to blush, but it was hard not to. Maura noticed the heat rising in Jane's cheeks and she brushed them lightly with the back of her hand.

"I feel the same way about you, Maur."

"I forgot to mention you're an incredible lover."

Jane laughed and kissed her softly on the lips. Maura made her feel so good, and so complete. She didn't want this feeling to end. Jane sighed again and tickled Maura's nose with hers. All she wanted was to be with her. And to take care of her. And to give her everything she desired.

"Thank you, Baby. You make me that way."

"Ooo, la la."

Jane scooped her up into her arms and flipped over onto her back. Maura was now on top of her and smiling down at her. Maura's body was hot (as usual) as she straddled her in the bed. She leaned in and kissed Jane, taking her lips with a deep and passionate kiss. When she pulled away, Jane lay staring up at her.

"What is it, Love?" Maura said softly while gazing into her eyes.

Jane shook her head slowly and caressed her face. "Thank you for always being here for me, Maura."

"I love you. That's what you do when you love someone."

"The past six months have been so hard. On me and on you. We lost Ma."

Maura nodded and placed a tender kiss on her forehead. "Yes, we did."

"And I lost a way of life that I thought was right for me, but in reality, it wasn't." She strummed her fingers through Maura's hair slowly. "And through all of this, I came to the realization that my best friend was the perfect person for me."

"Aww."

"I didn't realize in my search for the perfect partner to share my life with, I was looking for you the entire time."

Maura smiled at her. Her words were apparently very pleasing to her.

"At the risk of sounding extremely sappy, I just want to say you make everything right in my life, Maur. And I can't imagine my life without you."

"Oh, Jane." She whispered and placed a soft kiss on her chin.

"And today when Peter was holding that gun to your head, I thought it was going to be the last time I would look into your eyes. I thought I was going to have to watch you die, and there wasn't anyone there who would save me from having to watch."

"I know."

"And it scared me. So bad."

"Me too." Maura rolled off of her and laid beside her. "I was truly frightened."

"And knowing it was because of me, made it worse."

Maura wrapped her arm around her and hugged her. Jane held her close and kissed the top of her head.

"After it was all over, I knew in my heart that I would never allow you to be put in danger like that ever again."

"I understand, Jane but we can't predict when things like that will happen again."

"We may not be able to predict, but we can reduce the odds of it happening again."

"How?"

Jane took a deep breath. "I sent my resignation to Cavanaugh. I'm quitting my job."

Jane felt it the moment Maura's mind processed what she had said. Her body stilled and her heart began to race. She rolled back and looked into her eyes. Perhaps again, she was expecting her to say: "Just kidding!", but of course, Jane wasn't going to say that.

"You're quitting your job?" Her eyes were wide with disbelief.

Jane nodded. "Yes."

"But why? You love your job, Jane."

"Because I want to keep you safe. What happened today opened my eyes to a lot of things. First, it made me realize that you are always caught in the crossfire, because of me."

"But that wasn't your fault. And you saved me from him."

Jane placed her finger to Maura's lips. "Second, I realized that no matter how hard I try to do what is right and keep everyone else safe, the ones I truly care about and love are the ones who always end up getting hurt." Jane kissed her softly on the forehead. "I almost couldn't solve this sad case, because I'm still sad. And my mind is clouded. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yes, I do."

"I need a break. I just want a change in what I've gotten used to as being normal."

"What will you do for work here."

Jane took another deep breath. "I actually wasn't planning on staying in Boston."

Maura's mouth dropped open. She may have been planning to respond, but nothing came out.

"You're leaving Boston?"

Jane nodded. "Yes, I was thinking about it."

Maura finally found it inside of her to close her mouth. She swallowed hard and cleared her throat. "Wow. This is all a shock to me." She rolled over and sat up in the bed. She dropped her head and took a deep and deliberate breath.

Jane scooted over to her and put her arm around her.

"Where are you planning to go?"

"A small town."

"Where?" She asked without turning around. She sniffled a bit. Jane squeezed her arm gently and placed a soft kiss on her shoulder.

"I was thinking of Millinocket, Maine."

Maura spun around. "Maine?"

"Yes."

"How far is that from here?"

"It's about 4.5 hours."

Maura just stared at her. She was in a state of utter disbelief. "You want to move away from me? What about us?"

"Well, I was actually thinking about us both going."

"You would like to move to Maine with me?"

"Yes."

"But I work in Boston?"

Jane just nodded. "I know."

"How would that work? I can't drive 4.5 hours to work every day."

Jane chuckled. For Maura to be such a genius, it was taking her a while to comprehend what Jane was getting at.

"You wouldn't have to drive if you retired early."

"What?" She gasped.

Jane couldn't help but to laugh. Maura was so adorable. And innocent. She loved her so much.

"If you retire early, we could move to Maine together." She placed another reassuring kiss on her shoulder. "The houses are affordable too. I could purchase a nice house for us to live in and we could just be together. No one would come after you and I could protect you."

"Oh, Jane." Maura sighed and ran her fingers through her own hair. "This is a big decision."

"I know."

"If I made you feel like you weren't doing a good enough job protecting me, I'm sorry. What happened today was a fluke."

"I know what I'm doing, Maur."

Maura sighed deeply and got up from the bed. She paced slowly across the room, from one end to the other. "So, are you asking me to marry you?"

"No."

"No?"

"Most people would consider marriage the next reasonable step, but I don't. Yeah, I want to be with you for the rest of my life honestly. But I also want you to be able to get out easily if one day you wanted to."

"Get out easily?" she came back over to the bed and sat next to Jane. She took her hand. "If I give up my career and follow you to Maine, then I wouldn't want out. I would want to stay with you for the rest of my life as well."

"I am a woman of my word, Maur. You know that."

"Yes. I know."

"And if one day, you say you don't want it anymore, I would let you go."

"Thank you, but I don't ever see that happening." She pulled her in and gave her a lingering kiss. She released her lips and pressed their heads together. "You're asking me to make an extremely hasty and irrational decision."

"I know."

"There's so much to consider and prepare for."

"You don't have to decide now. You could just come whenever you're ready. And I'll be there."

"You can't leave me here." She whispered.

"I've already looked into some houses, you know. I saw a nice little 4 bedroom on the edge of town. We could have a room for us, one for your study, one for my exercise stuff, and a guest room."

"It sounds nice."

"I promise you, Maur. All I want is just be with you and live with you and love you."

Maura nodded but said nothing.

"I just want to take you far away from everything that could hurt you. Particularly my job."

Jane knew she was probably sounding like an irrational madwoman, but she had to let her know how she felt.

"Have you already found a house or are you just looking for now?"

"I am just looking. But I definitely want to do this, Maur."

Maura sighed deeply and gazed into her eyes. "Will moving make you happy?"

"Yes. If you're with me."

"And what if I decide I cannot go?"

"Then I'll stay here and find something to do."

"Okay." Maura said. She got up and paced the floor again. After her third or fourth pass by Jane she finally settled by the window and looked out. She didn't say a word for about fifteen very long minutes. Eventually, she walked back over to Jane and embraced her tightly.

"I will go with you." She finally said.

Jane looked up at her and smiled. "Thank you so much, Baby."

"But I need some time. Perhaps a few weeks to complete everything that's pending with my office, and to prepare my techs for my departure."

"Okay. Sure. That's fine."

Maura sat down on Jane's lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. "Why did you choose Millinocket?"

"It's quiet. Population under 5000, and it's small town. Crime rate is low."

"I really like the sound of that."

"Me too, Baby."

"Just you and I, huh?"

"Yeah. And you know later, I mean, if one day you wanted another addition to the family, I would consider it with you."

"Really?"

Jane nodded. "I mean, I know how I dealt with the other situation, but if one day you want a baby to play with, I'd consider it."

Maura smiled and kissed her. "Thank you for saying that, but I am content without children. A puppy might be a great idea for us later."

Jane's smile got bigger. "A puppy sounds awesome!" Her heart lifted with relief. Her and Maura were completely on the same page with a lot of things. Even if Maura changed her mind later on, it would be okay. She would still consider it.

"I have to admit, moving away with you is very exciting to me."

"Me too. I promise, I'll do everything in my power to make you happy, Baby. You won't regret your decision to come with me."

Maura stroked her face. "I know I won't regret it. And you already make me happy. It could only get better."

"Thank you so much for loving me."

"You don't need to thank me. I am also very grateful for your love, Jane."

Maura reached for a kiss and took Jane's lips gently. They shared a lingering and tender kiss. One that said so many things without saying anything at all. Jane could feel Maura's gratitude issuing from her lips. She could feel her love and her trust in the way she touched her. And she could feel her loyalty which kept her by her side through thick and thin.

When Jane pulled away and looked at her, she could see her future in her eyes. This was the first time she had looked into Maura's eyes and thoughts of what her new life would be like streamed through her mind. She saw the many days of laughs and happiness, the many nights of intimate lovemaking, and the many years of unconditional love. She saw it all in her eyes.

"Maybe you can write that book you've been wanting to write?" Jane said.

Maura smiled broadly. "I like that idea."

Jane sighed contently and crawled back into the bed. She pulled Maura into the security of her arms and held her.

"I can't wait to start our new life together." Maura said.

"I can't wait either, Baby."

She closed her eyes and cherished this moment. This was the moment when she and Maura really started living. This was the moment she'd waited for her entire life.

* * *

Hi. Thanks for reading. The next chapter will be the last. I will fast forward a bit to their new life in Maine. Warning. It will be a lengthy chapter, because I want to make sure I end it well. Thanks so much for following and letting me know how you feel about my story.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

Ah, Maine! The air was fresher than anything Jane had ever smelled in her life. She had to admit. She didn't miss Boston much. This life was so much better than the life she previously had. Her days were now filled with peace, love, and Maura. It was everything she needed to heal from the tragedy of losing Ma. She's been gone almost two years now. Jane had long accepted the fact that she would never walk through her doors again. And somehow, strangely, it was okay. It was the circle of life. She had to continue living in order for Ma to keep living on inside of her.

Jane took a sip of her coffee. The crisp cool autumn air blew across the landscape. Jane pulled her jacket tighter and zipped it up. The coffee was hot enough to keep her warm while she sat outside and watched the sun rise. This was her new morning ritual, to wake up before Maura, brew some coffee, and watch the sunrise before work.

A deputy position opened up the same week they moved into their house, but Jane decided not to go the route of law enforcement. Even if it was a small town, a law enforcement job would take her away from Maura too much. The hours were not dependable and she preferred not to make Maura sleep alone in the bed at night. Instead she chose to get licensed to sell insurance.

She sighed contently and checked her watch. She had a few hours before her first appointment. Thankfully she didn't have to travel far. They'd converter the space over the garage into an office for her insurance business. It was Maura's idea. She'd suggested they turn it into an office so Jane didn't have to drive into town to one of the spaces on Main Street. And once Jane was on board with the idea, they worked together to turn it into an office of her dreams.

The best part about the work she'd chosen was, she set her own hours. And when the clients needed to see her, they'd just call and set up an appointment to come by. Being that it was a small town, everyone respected each other's privacy. She was able to maximize her time with Maura. They spent every waking moment together. It was very rare that they found themselves apart.

Jane stood up and stretched. She was sitting in the same position, just thinking, for almost an hour. Thank heavens for the Thermos cup, or her coffee would have been long cold. She gazed out across the front yard and smiled. The foliage had begun to change in color. Golds, oranges, and reds blanketed the landscape in front of her. A steady Northwest wind blew the low hanging clouds towards the sunrise.

She inhaled the crisp Maine air before walking back inside of the house. Once inside, she removed her jacket and shoes and made her way to the fireplace. She absolutely loved the house she and Maura picked out together. It was their home. It was perfect. It sat on the edge of town; far enough for privacy, but close enough to access important places. The view out of the backdoor is what sold Jane. Their backyard opened up to a beautiful view of a section of the North Maine Woods. The back porch was closed in and sectioned off to create two additional living spaces.

One side; the side with the best view of the woods and mountains, Maura chose as her writing room. Jane had insulated it and installed heaters to keep Maura warm during the cold winter days of writing. The other side, Jane chose to use as her exercise room. The house itself was small and comfortable for them.

She made her way to their bedroom and opened the door slowly, quietly. The door creaked a bit and Maura stirred in the bed. Jane made a mental note to herself to make sure she oiled the hinges on the door later.

She removed her clothing and climbed into bed with Maura. She scooted closer and wrapped her arm around her. Maura jumped with a start and leaned back against her.

"Your hands are cold, Love." Maura said sleepily.

"I'm sorry. Just came in from outside."

"Mmm, how was the sunrise this morning?"

"Not as beautiful as you are right now."

"Aww." She cooed. "What's on the agenda for today?"

Jane shrugged and moved closer to her. "My first appointment is at 11:30, so my morning is open."

"Oh? Mine too. I have a webinar at four."

"Sounds good. I'm so glad you were able to get that web teaching gig. Couldn't have my baby going crazy from boredom."

Maura chuckled softly and cupped Jane's head while she kissed her on the cheek and shoulder. "I'm glad too. It makes me feel good to be able to still contribute to the scientific community."

"I know it does." Jane pulled her in closer and kissed her more passionately this time on the neck.

Maura moaned softly and rolled over onto her back. "What a nice way to wake up."

"I love you." Jane whispered into her ear.

"I love you too."

Jane took Maura's hand and kissed it softly. She toyed with the ring that rested on Maura's finger. Although she didn't want to enter into marriage with her, she still put a ring on her finger. It was her promise, as it were, that Maura would always be the one for her.

She took a moment and gazed into Maura's eyes. Maura had slept rough last night. She tossed and turned for a majority of the night. Her hair was disheveled and she looked like she hadn't slept in a hundred years. But still, she was the most beautiful person Jane had ever laid her eyes upon.

"What?" Maura said while smiling up at her.

Jane shook her head. "Nothing. You're just extremely beautiful."

Maura laughed softly and hid her face away from her. "You're just being kind to me. I know I look terrible right now. I didn't sleep well last night."

"I noticed." Jane said softly.

"I'm sorry, if I kept you up."

"It's okay." Jane gently caressed Maura's belly as her eyes drifted down and gazed at the beautiful body lying next to her. Her lips curled up into a smile. Maura was perfect.

Maura smiled in response to the expression on her face. "I know what's on your mind."

"You do not." Jane teased.

"Of course I do."

"What am I thinking?"

Maura caressed Jane's face as she gazed up into her eyes. "You're thinking that you wish I would stop talking because you really want to make love to me right now."

Jane laughed in response.

"Am I right?"

"Whatever, Maur." She leaned in and kissed her softly on the neck before nibbling gently on her favorite spot.

"Mmm. I knew I was right."

"Why don't you shut up so I can make love to you?"

Maura chuckled and pulled her in closer, encouraging her to bite harder. Her fingers drove through Jane's hair and tugged at it. Soft sighs escaped her mouth.

"What time is it?"

"Alittle after 7." Jane answered before cascading kisses across her collarbone and shoulder. "Do you have time for me?"

"I'll always have time for you."

Jane trailed her kisses upward and took her lips with a passionate kiss. Maura was the most giving person Jane had ever been with. She was able to handle Jane's sexual prowess and drive like none other. And Jane in turn was able to handle hers. She never thought in a million years that she'd find someone who matched her perfectly.

"I thought you'd be tired out from last night." Maura whispered as Jane latched on to her neck again.

"Never too tired."

Maura laughed lightly. "I see."

"You're the one who didn't sleep well last night."

"Mmm, I know. But that doesn't matter. I'm always ready for you." Her breath hitched in her throat when Jane nibbled on the pulse point on her neck. "I love it when you do that."

"I know." Jane whispered.

Jane released her and looked into her eyes. Every day with her that passed, she saw more and more of her future in Maura's eyes. Every time she looked into her eyes; she felt a love deeper than anything she'd ever experienced before. Each day it grew deeper. She felt no pain, no despair. No anxiety. No panic. She only felt serenity. Peace. Love.

She took Maura's lips again, nibbling lightly on her bottom lip. Just slightly, but firm enough to let Maura know what she wanted. And she wanted her. She slipped her arms underneath her and slowly flipped over onto her back.

She gazed up into Maura's eyes now looking down into hers. A look of approval and excitement was painted on Maura's face. She smiled while her eyes traveled down the length of Jane's body. She licked her lips. Jane wasn't sure if she knew she had done it or not, but it was the sexiest thing she'd ever seen.

"What do you want this morning, Love?"

"You know what I want."

"Tell me." Maura said. A devious smile creased the corner of her face.

Jane smiled and laughed. "Why do you want me to say it?"

"Because it arouses me when you tell me what you want me to do to you. And you know what happens when I get aroused."

Jane grazed her thumb over Maura's cheek. "Alright. If you insist." She stroked her cheek softly. "Maura, Baby?"

"Yes, Love?"

"I woke up so hot this morning. If you don't mind, I would love to feel your lips and your tongue sucking on my clit. That's all I want to feel that right now." Jane smiled when she felt Maura's body trembled slightly. "And I want you to lick my pussy until I come all over those beautiful lips of yours."

Maura literally shivered from Jane's statement. Her eyes fluttered shut from sensory overload. "Oh my god, Jane." She gasped.

Jane smiled and bounced her brows playfully. "You said you wanted to know."

Maura hovered above her; her mouth was slightly agape with surprise. And then her lips curled into a smile. The same smile she always gives Jane before she makes love to her. Without saying another word, Maura leaned in slowly and took Jane's lips with a very deep and sensual kiss. Her tongue slipped inside of Jane's mouth and touched hers. It twirled over Jane's, and then hit the roof of her mouth before her lips grasped Jane's tongue and pulled it slowly into her mouth.

"Mmm," Jane loved it when she did that.

Maura settled between Jane's legs and moved her body against hers. She grinded her slowly, each time creating more friction as their bodies began to heat up. She latched onto Jane's neck and sucked it. She had no concern about Jane seeing a client in a few hours, she sunk her teeth into her neck with a firm love bite.

Jane gasped and dragged her nails down Maura's back. Her fingers raced up and entangled in her hair. Maura glanced up at her briefly before descending down her body to the place where she wanted her. She kissed her way down and latched onto Jane's right nipple. It was the most sensitive of the two. Her tongue orbited it slowly (just like Jane liked it) before her lips sucked it deep into her mouth.

"Yeah." Jane sighed. Her hips moved under Maura. She wanted to feel her, to have any kind of contact with her body. "Hurry up, Baby. Please. I can't take this." Jane felt the goosebumps flash over her own skin. Maura absolutely drove her crazy.

Maura's hands came up and squeezed Jane's breasts, kneading them firmly between her fingers. Jane felt electricity streaking up her body. From the tips of her nipples clamped between Maura's index fingers and thumbs, all the way to the surface of her scalp. Her eyes couldn't focus anymore on the world in front of her. They rolled back into her head, where they explored the dark and unchartered territory of her cranium.

Maura's fingers released the nipples, but her hands remained on her breasts as she continued down. Jane tried to resist it, but she couldn't stop herself from grabbing a hold of Maura's head and putting her where she wanted her to be. She was ready for her. She wanted to feel the skillfulness of Maura's tongue on her. Over time, Maura had perfected her technique to one that Jane couldn't last very long while she was doing it.

Jane didn't know what it was that made her come so quickly, but regardless, each time Maura went down on her, she'd climax within 5 minutes. Sometimes it was disappointing, but most of the time it was utterly satisfying.

Jane's fingers trembled as she placed Maura's head where she needed her to be. "Stop playing around so much, you know what I want." Jane groaned.

Maura laughed lightly from below. "I'm not sure what you mean."

Jane groaned loudly when she felt Maura's breath skip over her burning hot clit as she talked.

"Don't talk. Lick, damn it."

Maura laughed again. She was not a beginner anymore. She knew exactly how to please Jane and then some.

Jane pulled her closer and attached her mouth to her clit. She cried out at the feeling of Maura's soft and velvety lips wrapped around it. Her body flashed hot when she felt her tongue twirl over it, with just the right amount of pressure to fully activate Jane's carnal desire. Her hips began to rock against Maura's mouth. Her thighs trembled. Maura sighed and buried her face deeper into Jane's welcoming pussy.

Jane released Maura's hair and grabbed her hands, entwining them together. Her hips continued to move as she felt her entire body quivering inside and tensing at the same time. She wanted to hold it off as long as she could, but her body wanted to release. The way Maura made little mmms, and ahhhs, while she snacked on her, made Jane lose her mind. Maura was just as verbal when she was giving as she was when she was receiving. Her head twirled the way Jane loved, and her lips captured and released, her tongue sucked and nibbled, until she felt Jane's entire body firm up beneath her.

"Oh, Baby. I can't. I think I'm gonna…"

Maura tightened her grip on Jane's hands and started fluttering her clit between her tongue and the roof of her mouth. She fluttered it quickly while pressing in with more pressure. Jane knew she could tell she was close, because she could feel her clit harden like a rock.

Jane took in a deep breath. She lost all sight as her eyes disappeared into her head. Her hips pushed into Maura, forcing her clit deeper and harder in between her tongue and mouth until—

"Oh… Baby… I'm coming… Ahhh!" She cried out. Their fingers locked together as Jane trembled underneath Maura.

After Jane finally stopped coming, her body collapsed into the bed. She was breathing heavily as Maura kissed her way back up to her lips. There they shared a passionate tonguey kiss. Jane loved tasting herself on Maura's lips. Maura finally pulled herself away and laid down beside her. She tossed her arm over Jane's trembling body and sighed with contentment.

"Holy fucking hell." Jane groaned.

Maura laughed out loud and kissed her on the shoulder. "That never gets old."

Jane's head was spinning. All she could think of was how absolutely magical Maura's tongue was. She couldn't get enough. "You're so good to me, Baby." She whispered and caressed Maura's arm that lay across her. She always found herself extremely emotional after sex with Maura. Maura took her to different levels each time.

"Because you're so good to me." She answered.

Jane sighed and closed her eyes. She could fall asleep just like this. And it would have been okay if she had, but she couldn't. It was her day to cook breakfast. And they were supposed to run errands today after her appointment with the client.

"I'm no good after you make me come." Jane said with a laugh.

Maura tightened her grip around her. "Well, thank you." She sounded sleepy.

"I'm going to go get cleaned up, and make breakfast for us."

Maura pulled her arm away and cuddled her pillow instead. Her eyes were closed. A smiled was planted on her face. "Okay, Love."

"Are you going to do some writing today?"

"Yes. I'm nearing the end."

"That's excellent, Baby. I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks." Maura said with a yawn. "But it'll still be a couple of months. I like taking my time."

"I understand that. We have all the time in the world."

"I love that."

Jane gazed over at her. Although her eyes were closed, Maura's expression exuded satisfaction. Contentment. Happiness. Peace.

"Me too, Baby." She whispered before placing a soft kiss on her cheek. She watched her for a few more moments and when Maura finally started snoring softly, she took the opportunity to get ready for the day.

* * *

Jane glanced up at the clock. Her client was late. Almost a half hour late with no calls or texts. She was almost ready to close down her computer when she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in." She called out.

The door opened and Maura stepped in. "Hi Love. I brought your lunch."

She motioned for her to come in. "Oh, thanks, Baby."

"I wasn't sure how long you were going to wait for Leslie to show up. So I thought I'd bring it to you."

"That's sweet of you. Thanks." She said. She opened the top of the glass dish and inhaled the heavenly aroma of her woman's cooking. "Smells delish. What is it?"

"Chicken alfredo with broccoli."

"Broccoli?" Jane scrunched her nose up. "Why did you put broccoli in it?"

Maura laughed lightly and sat down on her lap. "Because you need more veggies in your diet, Love."

"Yeah, yeah." Jane laughed and placed the meal down. She wrapped her arm around Maura and pulled her into a tight embrace. "You take such good care of me."

Maura leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. "I need you to stick around for a while."

"I plan on it." Jane said softly. She pressed her lips against the exposed area of Maura's shirt, placing a soft kiss on her cleavage.

"Did you still want to go into town with me after your appointment?"

"Of course. What did you need to get?"

"I wanted to pick up some vegetables at the market."

Jane stuck her finger in her mouth and mimicked a gagging sound.

"Stop it." She laughed. "And I want to stock up on some steaks and seafood for the coming winter."

"Sounds good." Jane laid her head on Maura's chest and sighed deeply. She was sleepy. A cold front was coming in and all she wanted to do was light the fire and cuddle with Maura for the rest of the day.

"Are you okay, Love." She asked as she stroked her fingers through her hair.

"I'm more than okay." She gazed up into her eyes and smiled at her.

"Good." Maura was leaning in to give her a kiss when the door swung open and in stumbled Jane's client.

"I'm so sorry I'm late, Jane!"

Maura hopped up quickly before Leslie could see her sitting on Jane's lap. She smoothed out her garment and stepped out of the way.

Jane stood up and walked over to her. "It's no problem. I tried to call you."

"Yeah, my phone totally died on me last night at work, and then my little booger here apparently stuffed it somewhere and now I can't find it."

Jane glanced down at the child in her arms. "How cute. How old is he?"

"Oh, it's a she. She just doesn't have much hair yet."

Jane laughed softly and tickled the little one. "How old is she?"

"Seven months."

"Wow, she's huge. She looks a lot older than that."

"Yeah. People tell me that."

Jane gestured to the chair beside her desk. "Please sit. I promise not to keep you long."

Leslie sat in the visitor's chair and bounced her baby on her leg. Jane went through the process if signing her up for new insurance. She was switching from the only other insurance agent in town to her. Lately, Jane had been getting a lot of new clients who switched to her from the other one. She felt honored. Some of them had been clients of her competitor for several decades.

Jane took notice of the fact that Maura hadn't left yet. She was sitting in a chair against wall making faces at the baby. The little one was thoroughly amused by the faces Maura was making. Maura offered to hold her while Leslie signed the paperwork Jane needed to issue her policies.

While Leslie was signing her paperwork, Jane was watching Maura. She had the little one on her lap, playing peekaboo at first, and then patty cake. The little one just laughed and laughed, which made Maura chuckle too.

_God… She's so beautiful._ Jane thought.

Maura glanced over at Jane and smiled at her. Jane winked at her and smiled back. She gathered all of the paperwork from Leslie and rose from her seat.

"Thanks again so much for your business, Leslie. Please refer me to anyone you know."

"I certainly will. It's so nice to have fresh young faces in town. My other agent has one foot in the grave and is such a drag."

Jane laughed and shook her hand. "Well, I am honored."

"Plus, it's good to see change here in town." She said nodding her head towards Maura. "Change is good."

"Thank you, Leslie."

Leslie took her baby from Maura and headed out the door. "Have a great day!" She called out before slamming the door behind her.

Maura walked over to the window and glanced out. She sighed lightly and turned back to Jane. She noticed Jane observing her intently.

"What?" She asked.

"I saw how you were playing with that baby."

Maura shrugged. "She was cute."

"That she was." She motioned for Maura to come to her.

Maura wasted no time crossing the room to her. She embraced her and planted a solid kiss on her lips. "Do you know what I'm in the mood for?"

"What?"

Maura whispered softly into Jane's ear. Jane chuckled under her breath. "You're such a freak."

Maura laughed and swatted her away. "Come on, let's go shopping before it gets too cold out."

"Sounds good to me!" Jane said grabbing her jacket and slipping it around Maura. "When we get back, I'll light the fireplace and we can cuddle and watch tv."

"And that sounds good to me."

Jane opened up the door and smacked her on the butt. She let Maura lead the way and she followed closely behind her.

xxx

* * *

By the time the end credits began to scroll, Jane was fast asleep. She'd sworn to Maura that she would stay awake during the entire season of Murdock Mysteries, but she couldn't last through a quarter of it. Which was okay. Maura knew she was tired. She'd come home after shopping and packed away all of the meats in the chest freezer as well as prepared dinner. After dinner, she made sure to touch up the insulation in Maura's writing room, so she wouldn't be chilly while she was writing. She was tuckered out.

Maura glanced down at her. Her raven locks hung over her lap like a blanket. Maura caressed Jane's face. Her skin was the softest place on Earth. Jane stirred and groaned slightly. Maura shook her gently.

"Jane?" She whispered. When she didn't respond, she shook her again. "Love?"

Jane turned her head to the side and Maura caught sight of the mark she'd put on her neck this morning. A sense of pride and ownership welled up inside of her as she gazed down at Jane laying across her lap. Jane was beautiful, smart, wise, and sexy. And she was all hers.

And even though Jane didn't want to marry, she wore her ring proudly. She knew that Jane would never leave her and she would never leave Jane.

"Jane, it's time to go to bed." Maura whispered.

"Is the show still on?"

"No. You slept through the season."

Jane groaned and opened her eyes. "I'm sorry, Baby. I was just tired."

Maura strummed her fingers through her hair. "I know you are. Let's go to bed."

Jane glanced up at Maura. "Is this real?" She whispered.

Maura frowned and caressed her face. "Is what real, Love?"

"You're here with me. Us?"

Maura nodded and smiled. "Yes, my love. This is all real."

Jane nodded and swallowed hard. Her eyes slowly filled with tears as she looked at Maura. Maura could feel her so strongly at the moment. She loved her so much. Words could never express how much Jane meant to her.

She'd given up her career in law enforcement, just to reduce the chances of Maura getting hurt. She'd given up living in Boston and moved to an unknown place just to keep her safe… and to heal. Jane knew what was best for the both of them.

They both needed time to heal. Losing Angela was hard. Watching her die was harder. Watching Jane go through the pain of loss was even harder. Maura had spent all those months following Angela's death and Jane's breakup, trying to help Jane through her pain. And she'd neglected the fact that she was in pain and needed to heal also.

But Jane knew what she needed. And she took her away from it all to this cozy little town of Millinocket. The moment they stepped over the threshold and into their new home, their hearts started healing. Each day they healed even more.

Maura smiled down at her and grazed her fingers over her lips.

Jane sat up and pressed her forehead against Maura's. Her hands cupped the sides of Maura's face and her lips took hers softly. Her lips trembled when Maura pulled away. Their breaths bounced off each other as they sat together on the couch.

"I cannot begin to tell you how much you mean to me, Jane." Maura caressed her arms and sighed deeply. "I never want us to end."

"If I have it my way, there will never be an end to us."

"I love the sound of that. Although, if we could live forever that would be great, but it's not possible to exist indefinitely, because humans have a maximum life expectancy of—"

Jane cut her off with a kiss. "Shh..." Her lips were so soft. Out of all of Jane's body parts, they were her favorite. Those versatile lips. With them she could comfort her, anger her, caress her, excite her, and pleasure her. And not to mention, silence her.

Maura moaned softly into the kiss and pulled at the fabric of Jane's shirt. Jane pulled away briefly and look into her eyes. "If the weather holds out tomorrow, would you like to go and check out some puppies up for adoption?"

"Really?"

Jane nodded. She took Maura's hand and toyed with her promise ring. "I'd love to give some orphaned puppy a warm home for the winter."

Maura smiled and kissed her. "I would like that too. Could I name it?"

"Of course, you can, Baby. You can name it anything you want."

"Wonderful!"

"Yeah, just make sure you keep his name under three syllables please. If not, then it'll just be awkward."

Maura laughed and kissed her again. This time, holding on a little bit longer. When she pulled away, Jane was smiling at her. She knew that look. She loved that look. Jane's gazed down her body quickly, her smile deepening.

"I know what you're thinking." Maura said.

"You do not."

Maura stood up and took Jane's hand. "I most certainly do."

Jane shrugged and stood up with her. She pulled her into her arms and began slow dancing with her. "Can you hear the song playing in my head?"

"Yes."

"Oh, really?" Jane asked.

"Yes," Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's neck. "Because it's the same one that's playing in my heart." Maura rested her head against Jane's.

"You're so sappy." Jane whispered and stole a kiss.

"I'm guilty as charged." Maura sighed as she took a few steps back from the couch. "I'm ready for bed, Love."

Jane followed her as she pulled her towards the bedroom. "Oh yeah?"

"Yes. I'm ready."

Jane smiled, instantly catching on to Maura's reference of their first intimate night together. She reached down and quickly scooped her up into her arms and carried her off to the bedroom. As Jane was carrying her, Maura thought of the many reasons why this moment was so special. Exclusively belonging to Jane and looking ahead to a promising future with her was the most important reason of all.

The End.

* * *

Thanks again so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed. -ReduxQue


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